Proserpina
My voice broke as I stared at the floor, unable to see the looks on the faces of my children. Paddy’s fingers tightened as I continued,
‘No, it happened a long time ago, the boy…he’s older than Claude, I think but younger than you.’ I looked at the twins, appealing to them.
Piers was still holding my hand in his but I could feel the anger coursing through him.
He spun around abruptly,
“The f*cking old GOAT!’ he shouted and whirling about, went to stand beside the window, his shoulders bunched tightly with the effort of controlling his fury.
*
I saw Tara turn to Ria and ask in a stage whisper, eyes rounded in shock,
‘Is Piers calling Pappa a goat?’
I stood up and said my voice trembling with the effort,
“Piers. Don’t you DARE speak of your father in that way!’
He spun around and burst out.
“Mumma, you are …he doesn’t deserve you!’
And I saw to my sorrow that my eldest son was almost in tears. He crossed the room and took me in his arms, holding me close, ‘Mumma, Mumma, ‘ he whispered and suddenly, all my children were around me, holding me in a large embrace as I sobbed brokenly, letting out all the grief, the pent up frustration, the hurt, the shame….
8
A long while later, I felt the hot cup of cocoa being pressed into my hands. Beatrice.
She had a grim look on her face.
“Drink it up,” she said in her bossy fashion and I saw that the children had melted away, except for the three oldest and Paddy.
Piers was standing by the window, hands on hips, gazing outside while Ria spoke to him earnestly. Claude, stood by, his stance rigid and Paddy sat on a low stool near me.
Piers turned around and coming to me, he knelt at my feet, holding my hands in his large ones. the others crowded in.
‘Look Mumma,’ said Piers, directly coming to the point, ‘If you want to leave Pappa, we are with you.’ I stared at my children.
Ria sighed and sank to the bed beside me. She slipped her arms around my shoulders and kissed my cheek,
‘Mumma, you are the best. Yes, I adore Pappa,’ she glared at Piers who had made a disdainful noise and Claude who clenched his fists, ‘No, I love him, Mumma will understand. But Mumma, we are with you, in any decision you take.’
I smiled and felt Paddy inch closer. I hugged my daughter as Beatrice said, “Now don’t you be making your mother more unhappy, now.’
I shook my head sadly,
‘I do not know… I cannot think straight.’
Earnestly, Piers clasped my hands.
‘Mumma, we are always going to support you .” Claude nodded his head vehemently.
I smiled and frowned as the cocoa began to take effect. The drink…? Even as I met Beatrice’s eyes I knew she had put in a sedative. And I sank back onto the bed, slipping away into a deep sleep…
*
“What are you looking at me for? I had to get her to sleep.’ snapped Beatrice as the people in the room turned to look at her in astonishment. Placing her gnarled fists on her ample hips, she went on, her voice quivering as she tried to control her emotions,
“She been fretting for days now.’
Piers sighed. He loved the old woman who was like a grandmother to them.
But he was anxious.
“Sure you gave her a mild dose?’ he asked and when Beatrice fixed him with a glare, he raised his hands in surrender.
“Bea, this is my Mumma. And I have seen her go through sh*t. I do not want her to be unhappy again.’
And he began to pace, furiously, smoking.
*
That evening, when Lucien Delano turned up at the house, he found it draped in an air of despondency. The three youngest children, clustered in the hall, avoided his gaze and melted away into the great house. Exasperated, he looked about for his wife, who was neither in her study nor in the kitchen; when he asked where his woman was, Beatrice replied stonily.
“Sleeping. Finally.’ and stalked off.
He turned around as his three eldest children came down the stairs. His beautiful daughter Ria, her twin brother, Piers and Claude. Ria hesitated and in that instant, Lucien knew. He knew that she had been told.
*
The previous night, they had taken the decision to inform the children.
Proserpina had looked proud and angry as she stood at the window, arms crossed, and her back to him.
‘I shall tell them first, Lucien,’ she said quietly. It was late in the night and unlike the other nights when she went to bed in her nightshirt, today she had chosen to don a kaftan, a long swirling gown that seemed to highlight her curves. He noticed that she had put on weight, slightly and he ached to hold her in his arms, to beg her to forgive him. But her cold gaze seared him.
He sighed.
‘They can learn about …Your Son… from me.’ her voice was full of bitterness.
He scowled.
‘Look, Woman. I have told you…’
She whirled on him.
“I have a name, Lucien Delano.’ she hissed. “Say my name. And yes, after this is over, I shall decide what to do with my life!”
She was breathing fast, her bosom rising and falling and he wanted to move forward, grip her head and kiss her senseless. But he stood; his fists curled, the meaning of her statement sinking in slowly, as he growled,
‘What do you mean?’
She sighed, shoulders slumping ever so slightly, as though she was unable to bear the weight of the burden on them.
“Maybe, Lucien, I should do what I had thought of doing years ago; leave you. Begin anew.’
*
Proserpina
I lay on the bed in the small room where the children had first lived in, the old nursery. It must be close to one in the morning, I thought as I sat up. Wincing, I sat up, swinging my legs off the little lower bunk bed and almost jumped out of my skin as a familiar gravelly voice sounded close to me,
“Woman…’
I turned to the side in alarm. In an old armchair that had once been overflowing with teddy bears and train sets, books and toys, sat my husband, Lucien. I sighed, feeling wretched. He had pulled it forward so that it was beside me. Lucien had probably been sitting there, watching me sleep, I thought, biting my lower lip.
God knows, I loved him but …
I sat up, my lower back hurt and the only one who knew of my pregnancy was Beatrice and I had sworn her to secrecy.
Lucien stood and came to me, standing before me. Even in the dim light of the night lamp, I could make out the lines of fatigue, and the weariness on his face. His usually impeccable shirt was creased and he had opened it out to the middle of his hirsute chest. The jacket was carelessly draped across his shoulders and he looked old.
‘Don’t do this to yourself, Proserpina.’ he said and I could hear the raw pain in his voice. “Please…’
The hysterical laugh bubbled up within me and I began to giggle. He moved closer and gripped my chin, his hard fingers forcing me to tilt my head up and look up at him. My face was level with his waist and I sighed. Another time, I would not have hesitated to take out his member and stroke and suck him. Now I could only feel bitterness in me.
His fingers dug into my chin and I gasped.
‘Stop it, woman,’ he growled, a note of pleading in his tone, “I made mistakes, thousands of them. But now, my present is You. Our seven children.’ And then he added, his voice taking on a resigned quality,
‘But I do not want to disown a son of mine. I never cared for Bethany. but…’
I smiled and said softly,
‘But cared enough to gift them diamond bu*t plugs,’ I said drily, and he tugged me to my feet so suddenly that I felt nausea rising up in me.
I glared at him as he gripped my upper arms, thick fingers digging into my flesh.
‘What was that?’ he rasped.
I sighed and pushed him.
‘Let me go, Lucien. I am tired. And you are hurting me.’ Strangely, he put up no resistance as I stepped out of his arms and moved to the door.
His voice followed me and I halted.
“You told the children.’
I spun around and marched back, standing before him, my chest heaving.
“Did you think I wanted to? To remind them and myself of what a sick animal you ..?’
He stepped toward me but I moved away, shaking my head.
As I turned to leave, eyes burning with unshed tears, he said, his voice tired, weary.
‘This evening, I shall bring Cole to meet …our children.’
With a nod, avoiding his eyes, I walked out.
One of his men moved in the dim shadows of the corridor and I nodded absently at him.