WHEN SHE got home, one thing came to her mind soon as she saw her calendar. “Mom,” realization hit her when she remembered what day it was. She securely locked the door. “I am not crying this time,” she declared. Her eyes had enough. But the pain was still the same since that day.
After changing into nightclothes she was tempted to call Lora. But the thought of she might relay the conversation to Fred was holding her back. Yet she eventually dialed her and spoke her code soon as she picked up the call.
“I met mom’s best friend today, she’s my principal.”
“Miss, I have informed you about this. I gave you a document about the school, the principal, stakeholders, and its background, I have included its reputation and quality of its education based on surveys from another school.” She said that made Fera went to the huge box near her bed. And she did find an envelope there. Lora had been that efficient to work, something details don’t need to be specified, she’d provide it for you.
“I asked her to keep my appearance in her place secret for the meantime.”
“Fredrick had warned her about you and made sure that she’d not ruin your peace there, they have an agreement to keep your identity safe.” She realize that Fred had been working behind her back for her and she appreciate that. But Fred had been working unpredictably as he usually does. Still, he was the only person she could rely on now. And the fact that he held almost all of her life terrifies her, he could easily destroy her in just a snap but she was holding the thought that they are blood-related for him to have mercy on her.
“Okay, thank you.” She only said she had left with nothing to talk about with her. She was about to cut the call.
“Ma’am?” her finger stopped mid-way way and waited for her to tell what she need to tell.” About Nick’s case, I know Mr. Fred warned you, I didn’t give him any information. You know he always has his way of doing things for himself. He got what he want even in the most brutal way. I didn’t know how did he know about it.”
She explained her side, Lora was been a careful secretary, she worked for Mr. Fuentes before, Fera’s father and she knew their principle and possessiveness when it comes to private information.
“Thank you for letting me know.” She somehow eases her suspicion of Lora. “If I will travel now back home, is it possible to get here before morning?” she asked out of the blue moon.
“I’m afraid not, the most possible to get back is ten am tomorrow, why?”
“I just wanted to visit… never mind.” She couldn’t finish her words. This would be the first time that she couldn’t visit her mother’s grave on her death anniversary.
“Is it, ma’am Rain? You can have a two-day emergency vacation, we can ask Miss Rentoza to fix everything for you,” she offered. But Fera avoids privileges now, that move could be suspicious to someone.
“It’s fine, no need. I’ll just drop by next time.” That was her decision, to let this pass for now. Even if she wasn’t so sure if she could handle the guilt and how much she missed her mother. She lost her appetite and she only lie down after the call. She went to her gallery where her mother’s picture was. She started scrolling and reminiscing the times that she was with her mother.
But it seemed like a wrong choice cause that only triggered her tears. She only hurt her heart more than it was so she tossed her phone to her side table and buried her face in her pillow. She was again visited by pain and suffered alone. Until she finally calm down and breathe at normal speed. But the heavy pain was there. She looked at her wall where her wall clock lies. It was eleven-thirty in the evening when she decided to go out.
She got her jacket, money, and a pocket knife. She walked slowly and carefully not to wake any living thing, especially her neighbor’s giant dog who could wake the whole barangay. Thanks to the streetlights she could easily walk, she was tracing the way to the small chapel of their place. When she got there, she was greeted by a quiet chapel. The full moon was out adding the light to the place. She only stared at the cross and eventually kneeled.
The heaviness was too much to carry and tearing it up was the only way of breathing fine. But she fought those tears this time. She needed to get up and be stronger.
“Mama, I miss you so much. I am sorry if I couldn’t visit your grave for now. I can not say that I am fine this time. You know was never fine anyway.”And she cracked into an awkward chuckle. She made sure that her voice was low as a whisper. Some from near houses might wake up and hear her. She stood and sat on the nearest bench by the road in front of the chapel.
“Now I understand every ghost of pain glistening in your eyes.” She astonishedly turned to the person who suddenly spoke. She reached for her pocket knife in her pocket and saw Nick in his pajama with a grey jacket and slipper. He sat next to her and her reflexes move away from him so they sat at each end of the bench.
“Your father died recently that is why you are here, mourning his death and your mother already died a few years ago cause you said you can not visit her grave, for now, it is her death anniversary, right?” he asked and of course has received any reply.
“Fera I know that I had gone far from the line you have drawn but I am asking for forgiveness now and swear not to cross again. Please.” He face her but she crossed her arms and looked at the moon above.
“Some things had more meaning, deeper than it seems and deeper than you think. Apologize can never repair a thing. What is done is done.”
“That is why the word forgiveness exists, I cannot undo my mistake anymore but I can make it up if you’d let me, I can earn your forgiveness no matter how much it takes.” She slowly turned to him and he successfully captured her eyes.
“Why do you need my forgiveness, Nick?” Here she goes with her straightforward questions again.
Nick bravely moved nearer and held her hand. “You are my friend, right? Am I not a friend to you? I am here anytime you need me, that’s what friends do.” She stared at her hand and looked back at Nick’s face.
“I never had a friend before, I don’t know how to define a friend really.” She honestly confesses that she has been on an island all her life. Nick pulled into a sweet smile to hide the pity he felt at the same time pleasure that he was the only and first friend she had.
“Then I will show you.” He stood and give him a warm hug. “Friends do hug when one is sad and had fallen back. A friend is always there when you are at your most low level. A friend will hold you when everyone refuses to. “He whispered and Fera fell in it. She hugged him back and feel his warmth.
“A friend can be anything, playmate, sibling, and adviser. They will listen to every rant you have, they will make you happy and help you with anything.”
“And betray you in the end, “she added.
“They might betray but the good times were priceless.” While he intelligently answered.
“Feel free to define it the way you want it.” He said while his jaw rested on her head and her face was buried in his jacket. “I can feel your pain.” Fera found nothing to reply, denying was useless cause he heard what she had said.
“I won’t ask you to tell me but I can be here anytime you need me,” he offered.
“I just miss my family, I miss them both.” She finally speaks what she feels out. “But I am done crying, enough tears for today.” She forced herself not to cry again.
“Let’s go?” he let her go and stepped back then he offered his hand. She did not stop her smile and accepted his hand. She unconsciously lower her guard and showed her emotion again to him. They started walking and put their arms on her shoulder. Nick somewhat ease his heavy feeling that she had spoken to him, and determined to keep his question aside to keep Fera. All he knew was that she had enough pain and he needed to be careful with her. He was on the verge of confessing a while ago but he realized that Fera was not ready for commitment. And he’d be more than willing to wait.