WHO OWNS MY HEART
I have feelings for Jason too.
” I feel the same about you, Jason. I realized when I saw you with Crystal. I really went crazy on you. I was jealous of seeing you with someone else and knowing it’s your girlfriend. I know all the problems solved but I want to say when I realized that I have feelings for you too. I was so relieved once I know Crystal’s not pregnant. I thought I would lose you because of her.”
” You won’t lose me, Milly. I won’t forgive myself if something happened due to anyone. I suffered a lot inside my mind when Crystal returned. The break-up was the worst. When I finally moved on, I met you. Maybe it was meant to happen.”
” Yeah. It meant to happen no matter how far away we are. I wish to stay here as long as you are here.” I gave a weak smile. I should say that I need some time. I need to decide what should I do. Right now, it’s not the right time to tell Jason that Ryder proposed me too. It would spoil this moment.
” Don’t take this wrong. But would you give a day to decide, Jason?” I politely asked.
” Yeah, sure. I already said I would wait as long as it takes. I will try my best. I was afraid whether you liked me or saw me as a friend. I’m so glad that the second answer isn’t in your mind. So, I will be leaving now. I will meet you tomorrow.” he said with a warm smile on his face.
” Wait, I got one more thing to say,” I said in an urgency. Jason know me well and I know him too. There should not be any secret. I need to reveal something I lied when I saw him for the first time. Can you guess what it is?
” Promise me, you won’t get angry if I say it.”
” I won’t Milly. I don’t think you would say something that might make me angry,” he said with so much confidence in me.
” It’s… it happened when I met you for the first time, Jason. You said that most of the girls in our school isn’t a virgin. I don’t want to be different from others. So, I lied to you. I never had a boyfriend till now. I’m still a virgin. I made up the lie to show myself like every other girl.” I blurted out. I waited for a reply but didn’t get one for a minute. I can’t say anything from his face. His reaction is expressionless. Do you really need to say this now, Emily?
” I never suspected it for once, Milly. I should have done it. But why do you think I would be angry about that? To be honest, I’m feeling good about this. I’m glad you told me this now. You didn’t lie on purpose, so no problem at all.” I felt relaxed after hearing his calm reply.
” But I don’t get why the boys never tried to know you. That’s a good thing for me. My life would be meaningless without seeing you.”
My life was meaningless too. Until I stepped in Edgewood high. People say ‘Life’s a bitch’. I can say about my life in a single word. Invisibility. But now it’s like a movie. I can’t even guess what going to happen next.
After some minutes, I thought it’s time for him to go home.
” Okay. See you tomorrow, Jason. Sorry for keeping you too long. The time is running like anything. Why can’t it run like this when we are in class listening to a teacher?”
” Time runs away when we enjoy the moment. I had a good time today. See you tomorrow, Milly.” Jason replied as he wore his shirt and kissed me one last time before leaving me.
I waved him standing in the entrance and went back to find my mom already went to her room. Pearl must have left too. Finally, I didn’t saw her. I climbed the stairs and looked at the open door and the lights are still on. Everybody left my house. Even Shawn reached home while I was leaving Ryder’s house. Is there a thief in my room? Nah, that’s not possible.
I rushed into my room to find Pearl sitting my bed with a phone in her hand.
” You scared me, Pearl.” My eyes widened.
” Did I? I decided to stay here today. How was your time with a celebrity? You made me wait too long, Em.”
” Sorry. It’s a long story. I will fill you with it now or my brain will burst.” I closed the door and sat next to her with a neutral expression on my face. I don’t know what to say. I can’t say whether I feel happy or sad.
I told her about Ryder and Jason’s proposal and it hurts me to choose one and let others go. I can’t even think about it. Why would life gave me a difficult job. There won’t be trouble in loving someone and that person loves me back. But here, it’s two. My first two lovers.
” Say something, Pearl. I feel like I’m talking with a wall. I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling so anxious.”
” Who do you love?” she simply asked like it’s easy to say one’s name and leave the other one.
” I… I….” Who owns my heart? I met both of them nearly on the same day. I’m obsessed with both of them. I can’t imagine a day without one of them in it. I felt the pain when they both had their problems and gone through it. I have even been mad at them atleast once because I care about them a lot. I did everything I could to help Jason to find Crystal’s secret. I could go through any problem caused by Patrick for Ryder. I love both of them. Ryder. Jason.
” I’m not ready to decide. I’m not going to do that. I’d rather stay single than losing one of them.” I said putting so much stress in my mind.
” Hey, Look at me. Calm down. I just asked you one question. What’s going on your mind. What do you mean by you can’t decide?” Pearl made me look at her and demanded the answer. I can be true to her.
” I love them both, Pearl.” I silently said and closed my eyes. I’m remembering all the moment with both of them in these few weeks. My hands went over to touch the locket and the key at the same time. Should I say it’s a good thing to have two boys who love me or should I say it’s the worst thing to choose one when you love both of them?
” Did I said something wrong, Pearl. You asked me what I’m thinking. I told you the truth. I do not just have a little crush on Ryder and Jason. I love them. Is it wrong?”
” No. You aren’t wrong, Em. I’m just thinking. I can’t feel your feelings since I’m not in your position. But I do understand your feelings. I suggest you sleep now. Try not to stress it.”
” But I said I will decide it tomorrow,”
” You can’t do it, Em. Do you think one day will be enough? Tell the boys that you want some more time. But all you need to do right now is sleep. It’s almost one. I think you are aware of it.” She told me wisely and we both shared the bed, laying on each side.
I can’t stop replaying the moments happened today. I never got a boyfriend. But once I got someone who loves me. It turns out to be ‘two’. All I can see when I close my eyes is ‘Jason’ and ‘Ryder’. Jason’s green eyes and his charming face. Ryder’s blue eyes and his seductive voice.
Jason might be rich but he never behaved like one. He treats everyone fairly with love and kindness. I get to know him as himself, not as a celebrity. Ryder is known as a ‘bad boy’ in Edgewood high due to his bad past and incidence. But girls only loves his outer look and never get to see his inner self like me.
Slowly I drifted off to sleep with one single thought. Four words. Fourteen letters. Who owns my heart?