Sabrina’s POV
“It really feels good to be home.” I say. Josey nodding her head in agreement as we enjoy dinner at Cj’s castle. Eating a feast fit for a king and his family, sitting on the finest wood.
My brother, the king decided to host us for the time being. With my dad working by his side, it only made sense to come here.
“It feels right having you both here, like the old days but I must say, it feels weird too. Like, it’s been a minute.” Cj speaks with his mouth full. My father growls at him and I smile.
He was not the king around us. Still keeping up with his childish habits and it warmed my heart. Taking me back to a normal life I had quickly forgotten about, tossed aside but now I was back…
The little escape will help in some way but the hard work is waiting for me back in the heavenly realm. I still have to face Aiden and fix what we broke.
He is my mate and I love him, with all that he has done, I still love him.
After dinner, I excuse myself and head to my room. As good as that was, being around family, I still need to digest all that has happened and maybe being far away from the location of the events that took place recently, I’ll get some perspective.
Removing myself from the situation could help me….
“Always the runner. Tell me, what brings you to earth?” Maximus asks me, his frame sitting by my window.
“I’m no runner.” I say. Although I see his point, I stand behind my words.
“You are here when you should be somewhere else and from past events, I’ve known you to run away. I know something happened. ” He responds as he walks up to me.
His familiar scent roots me to the ground. All the fond memories running through my mind and just him being here, took me back to the days as an earthling. When the world was not on my shoulders and I only had to deal with my problems without having to worry about millions of earthlings that need me for any reason.
“I don’t flee. I just remove myself from the situation to think, to gather myself and react accordingly. I have to carry myself differently and funny enough, I’ve been taught that all my life. You wouldn’t understand alpha, since you are known to react first and ask the questions later.” I say, pulling Max in for a hug.
I smell my son on him and immediately pull away.
“Where is my son?” I ask.
“With your family downstairs. I followed protocol like a normal person coming to pay the king a visit and when Josey walked past, Drastos ran in to her arms and I decided to go looking for you. This time, I decided to use the window.” He tells me.
“You know, time flies up there so I’ve missed him. A lot is going on and I did not want him to see me like this.” I tell Max.
Maximus sits on my bed, his eyes still glued on me.
“Welcome home. It has been a minute.” Max says to me.
“What brings you here?” I ask him.
“I visit your family once in a while. With you up there, someone’s got to check in on them.” Max says.
I stay quiet.
That struck a nerve but I won’t tell him that. Yes, I see my brother regularly but not my father, I don’t see him at all.
I lie to myself by saying the days here aren’t the same as over there, our growth is different and if we were to compare it to a normal adult seeing their parents, I’d say I’m doing fine.
“You want to talk about it?” He asks me and I shake my head no.
“Come on Kimberly. I know I messed up but you can always talk to me.” Max says to me.
“You’re right. I know I could always talk to you but not anymore and don’t take it the wrong way or think I’m still holding on to the little bit of hate you think I still harbor for you somewhere deep in my soul, that’s not it. I just can’t talk to you anymore and I’ve found comfort in someone else.” I say.
“Your mate, I get it.” He says and I chuckle thinking about Aiden.
How I wish he was the one I felt free to talk to.
“She’s talking about me.” Xander walks in confidently, staring at Max.
Xander strides in, chest out and his head up….
Not sure if the fact that I’ve been able to confide in him, or rather that he’s been around when all the drama happened and I was able to talk to him is because I still love him or that he’s always there…. with him being so close by when everything went to shit.
Max looks at Xander and then at me, all confused. He stands up and they shake hands.
When their eyes meet, they share some form of respect. I’m not sure if Xander respects Max as the father of my child or because he’s my former lover. Max, well anyone can understand why he would respect Xander…
A man of his word. A man that has done nothing to hurt me and has always stuck by me, protecting me from everyone. Protecting his child and taking his child in even when Max wouldn’t look after his own son.
It’s pretty easy to respect Xander.
“Your messenger boy told me I’d find you here when I was ready to go back. I decided to stay a while and check in on my beta. Are you okay?” Xander asks, his eyes searching mine for any sign of pain or hurt.
“I’m fine. Father and Cj came to get me just after you left.” I say.
Xander cups my cheek, his hand feeling warm and putting my body at ease.
I remember a time when Max could do the same thing to me, where even his presence gave me security. So much has happened in such a short space of time.
He was once my closest friend and I trusted him with everything in me. I knew I could count on him, run to him for whatever aid I needed but how things have changed.
How I was able to forgive him, to be able to stand in the same room as him and not feel an inch of resentment still surprises me to this day. I don’t know how I was able to forgive him, allow him back in my life and be so comfortable with him.
We may not be the old us, not anymore and I doubt we will ever be but we have come a long way. I could have chosen to make him work for it, make up for it but I’m always about second chances.. I guess.
“What’s on your mind? You’re so lost in thought that you didn’t even hear Max say his goodbyes.” Xander tells me and I snap out of my thoughts.
I look around the room to see that Max has indeed left.
“Stay here. I’ll be right back.” I say and run after the father of my child. He has to know that I don’t hate him, I could never.
I chase his scent all the way outside, where the breeze felt amazing.
“Max! Wait up.” I call out and he turns around to face me. The wind blows my hair in different directions, cooling me down from the heat that consumes me.
“I have a few things to say to you.” I say. He looks at me intently, waiting for my words.
“I just want to say that I’m glad we could move past our problems and that you are in your child’s life. I know you have your demons and I have mine, with everything that has happened, I take comfort in your involvement and the past that we shared. We had a good run, we shared a lot and I will never forget any of it.” I say.
“Why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye? Where are you going?” He asks me.
I smile to hide the pain.
The uncertainty. Not knowing if it will be Maximus that pays the price of bringing back what was supposed to stay dead…. I can’t even tell him if he could be the guy fate chooses to correct my decision and balance things.
“No. I’m still up there but I just felt the need to remind you that I truly, from the bottom of my heart forgive you for it all and I’m sorry I could never be the mate you thought you needed at that time. I can’t express it enough but I’m glad you are my son’s father and I see him grow older each day, looking more and more like you. I hope he takes all your good traits because you have many and I pray to whatever power that is above me, if there is and I hope there is, that my son becomes the best version of you. I will always love you Maximus, we share a past and a child together… and with me being up there, I may never get the chance to tell the people I care about when I know you all need to hear it. I consider you family, from the beginning, when we met and until now. Thank you for being in my life.” I say, fighting the tears away.
Honestly praying to whatever power, the force that makes the decisions that overpower mine to keep him. My son needs him still.
I pull Max in for a hug, taking in his scent.
“I’m glad you were able to forgive me for all the unforgivable things I did to you. I can never apologize enough, I apologize to our son each chance I get because saying it once does not feel like enough. I still feel like I should do more, I don’t know… I just know that my actions can never be justified and whatever I’m doing to make up for all the pain I put you through, I feel it in my soul that it is not enough and it never will be but here you are, showing me that you’re still you and the world is lucky to have you as their moon goddess.” Max says to me as we pull away from each other.
Kissing me on the cheek, Max turns around to walk away. My eyes follow him as he walks away…
He stops a little further away, turning slightly.
“I’ll see you in the morning.” He says and shifts in to his big wolf. I look on as he runs off in to the woods..
“I hope I see you in the morning.” I say in whisper.
With his words, I know one thing for sure now…. I know that I could never let him die. Not for myself but for my son and I pray he’s not the one to pay for my decisions but how many will I save and how many will I lose? It will be a neverending cycle of death and life.
All my life, death has been sudden. Grief striking immediately as soon as someone dies but not this time. Now I’m grieving the death that comes, not knowing is the worst. Knowing death is looming, getting closer and closer but not knowing who it will take to the dark is what breaks me.
I feel weakened. Stripped of my power because there is nothing I can do to change anything. Knowing I just have to sit it out, waiting day after day for a heartbreak I know is coming, crying every day for a loss I already feel cuts deep and I don’t think I will survive it.
I’ve said my goodbyes to Max.
I can’t bring myself to say it to my father. To my brother. To my sister or even Aiden.
How do I handle all of this? How do I cope?
‘You don’t. Even as a goddess, there are things beyond your control.’ Athena says to me.
As much as I know that, it still doesn’t change the fact that I want to control most things, control what happens and prevent it from happening but I can’t..
“Are you coming back inside?” Josey asks me…