Luca’s pov
It felt like a huge hole got ripped out of my chest as I watched the car drive out of the compound.
Feeling helpless isn’t exactly a feeling I’m familiar with, but I know damn well how to identify it because I used to experience it a lot while growing up and having to protect Armani all by myself.
‘Helpless’ is what I feel right now, because it felt like I was watching my soul walk out from my body.
Even after the gate had been closed, I still remained frozen in the same spot while trying to wrap my head around what had taken place in only a couple of minutes.
Before arriving home today, I had been looking forward to coming home to my wife. Work had been extremely stressful and the wife I was going home to was what kept me sane throughout most of the meeting I attended.
If I had an idea that this was going to happen, I’d have definitely found a way to prevent it from happening.
A slow sigh eased out from my lungs as I forced my gaze off the closed gate after a few moments before turning around and heading back into the house.
As I pushed the door close behind me, that helpless feeling doubled up at once, engulfing me in its cold hands.
This was a feeling I forced myself to be immune to ever since I sent Armani to a different country after taking over the mafia. For a mafia lord like me, getting to feel helpless isn’t an option and I had never had a reason to get engulfed by this feeling till the time Armani returned, then got kidnapped, and then this very moment.
Although, this current helpless feeling seems to be the most intense I’ve ever experienced. I thought to myself as I head into the kitchen, waving off a startled Matilda who scrambled out of the kitchen after catching a glance of my face.
I dug out a drink from the freezer and drank directly from the bottle. The feeling of the cold liquid slouching down my throat did nothing to stop the helpless feeling in me from rising.
Have I lost her?
A voice quietly whisper in my head and I clench my jaw right and instantly downed another mouthful of alcohol. The thought of losing Sofia alone is one I never want to consider.
I can’t lose her.
I just cannot.
I brushed my hair out of my face and let out a long sigh, while reminding myself for the hundredth time that this was no one’s fault but mine.
It’s all my fault.
Somehow, in a way, I had a feeling this was gonna come back to bite me in the ass. I just never assumed it would be this way, or that it was gonna catch me when I’d be least expecting it.
I knew I never should’ve fucked Lola that day. I also knew I should’ve come clean to Sofia on the day we made up, so I really shouldn’t be surprised that this same thing has come out to stab me in the face.
With a low groan, I pulled away from the counter and began to exist the kitchen, making my way upstairs. Somehow, it felt like the cold bottle of alcohol in my grip was the only thing still keeping me sane.
As soon as I entered the room where all hell had broken loose moments ago, I saw red because everything began to rush back into my head at once.
The sound of the bottle cracking a little pulled me out of my thoughts and made me realize that I had been squeezing on it a little tightly, which is mainly because I had been imagining doing that same thing to Lola’s throat, moments ago.
Lola.
The slimy bastard.
I downed another mouthful of drink before discarding the bottle and fishing my phone out of my pocket, and then I put a call through to Lola.
She answered on the second ring, voice hesitant as she spoke, like she actually knew that she had crossed an uncrossable line with me.
“You slimy bitch.” I said into the phone, ignoring the way my head was pounding. “Why the fuck did you keep meeting up with my wife? Despite the warning I gave you?”
“I– Luca, listen, I didn’t mean…”
“You know you’re dead meat already, right? Nothing and no one can save you now. I’m gonna rip your throat off your body and it’s gonna feel really good to do that.”
She started to cry after that, and the sounds only made me want to squeeze the life out of her through the phone’s speakers.
“I was c- confused and you hurt- t me, but–”
“I actually don’t wanna hear anything else. I gave you a clear order and you went against it. Count your days till your very next, and Lola?”
Her response was timid, hesitant. “Huh? Do you forgiv–”
“It’s gonna hurt really bad till you stop breathing.”
I ended the call after that, tossing the phone unto the cough and running my fingers through my hair in the next moment.
I couldn’t believe I had let this happen to myself.
How the hell am I even supposed to sleep tonight?
Watching her leave in the car tonight has got to be one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever experienced. I knew i could have stopped her from leaving with some sort of force, i could have forbade her from leaving, but the heavens would have to fall down before I’d be able to actually do something like that.
That was the only reason why I did nothing while watching her leave, because I knew I hurt her and I wanted to respect her wishes in that moment.
The only thing that made me feel a little bit better was that she wasn’t alone.
Her guards are with her and they’d always keep her safe no matter what.