Luca’s POV
I headed towards the balcony with Sofia still hoisted up in my arms, and she chatted my head off along the way. She was so bubbly and bright, completely oblivious to how conflicted and guilty I was currently feeling.
As I sank into one of the seats here in the balcony with her atop me, straddling my thighs. She cupped my face in her palms right after while searching my eyes intently, teeth clamped on her bottom lip.
“Luca?” She called out.
I already knew she had been about to prod further into if I was doing alright or not, which was why I spoke almost immediately.
“Tell me about your day, Bunny.”
That did the trick. She launched into a long and veer detailed explanation about how her day had went, proving how far we’ve come and how much she was now comfortable around me.
“Isn’t that cool?” She gushed out and I hummed in response even though I hadn’t known what she had been referring to because I hadn’t been paying attention to what she was saying.
“I hung out with Kayla today, and it was so–” She began to speak, right before I tuned her out once again, while my mind danced around the guilt sitting heavily in the middle of my chest.
A bitter taste filled my mouth which I swallowed down almost immediately, and then I tightened my arms around Sofia’s waist without realizing it until she trailed off.
On noticing that she was back to regarding me like I was a puzzle which she was hell bent on decoding, I asked her if she had eaten, and then she was back to pouting once again.
“No, I haven’t. I was waiting for you and you took so long to return, which was why I began to worry if something had happened.” She responded.
Fuck.
I thought to myself as I exhaled sharply, feeling my heart constricting painfully against the inside of my chest.
“I’m so sorry for worrying you, I didn’t mean to.” I paused and cupped her cheek in my right palm. “You don’t have to worry about me, okay? I’ve told you this countless times before.”
She scowled at me this time. “You can’t ask me to not worry about you, I think it’s unfair for you to ask me not to worry about you when you know I’m aware of how dangerous your work is. I can’t help but worry and hope you’ll always be fine.”
I caressed her face and marveled over how I had gotten the chance to have her as my wife in the first place.
She was just too good to be true.
I cupped the other side of her face with my other hand and stared at her for a few seconds before murmuring.
“I don’t deserve you, bunny.”
She blinked in confusion and sat up straighter in my laps.
“What? That’s an absurd thing to say.”
I let out an exhale after that, she wouldn’t be able to understand.
No one would be able to.
I shook my head in response. “It’s nothing, bunny.”
The look of confusion was back on her face once again as she regarded me thoroughly, eyes clouded with a little bit of worry.
“I can’t help but worry, Luca. If there’s something wrong, please tell me.” She mumbled softly, hands clenched on her thighs.
“Nothing’s wrong, bunny. I promise you.” Even as my heart ached, I let go of her face and circled her waist to tug her against my chest.
“I was just held back at work because of something, that’s all,” I murmured into her shoulder. I stroked my fingers lightly through her hair as I continued.
“It was just work, and shitty traffic. That’s all.”
After Sofia and I got married, I used to stay out late into the night until I was sure she’d have fallen asleep. Then, I used to still sleep around, but after I got closer to Sofia, I began to arrive home on time.
That’s exactly why she was worried this evening, because she was already used to me returning home earlier.
Sofia melted into my chest as I hugged her, and it wasn’t until I brought up dinner that she peeked up at me with a bashful expression on her face.
“I kind of have already forgotten about that.” She mumbled sheepishly.
I led the way down the stairs and into the kitchen after a few minutes.
The cook has already retired to bed, but she had already prepared the dining table for us before doing that.
I led the way towards the dining room, and there, Sofia and I sat down and began to eat.
I wasn’t feeling hungry, instead, I was still feeling really nauseous. But I couldn’t not sit with Sofia at the table and try ti eat, when I knew she had waited for me to return home before eating, and also because she was someone who’s bound to lose her appetite as soon as she realized that the person she was supposed to eat with wasn’t hungry any longer.
As we ate, Sofia did most of the talking and I listened, while actively trying not to completely drown in guilt.
Each time she glanced at me with a wide smile, I always felt like a part of my heart was being hacked off with an axe.
I tried to actively add to the conversation, but the guilt weighing down heavily on my chest was making that impossibly hard and making it take a mental toil on me.
Which was why when Sofia had brought up the topic about her expanding her arts into something physical, like she had been doing in the past week, I hadn’t even think twice before agreeing.
The guilt in my chest had pushed the words right out from my mind, before I could even attempt to ponder on it.
Her eyes widened in shock, because it was obvious that she hadn’t expected me to finally agree to her request, especially when she had literally just brought up the topic.
I was about to take back my word and tell her that it really was dangerous and that there was no way I’d ever agree to her request, but the word died down in my throat on feeling her throw her arms around my neck as she engulfed me in a tight hug.
She expressed her gratitude over and over again with an ear splitting grin splayed over her face while hugging me tight and I returned her smile while the guilt of what I had done with Alexa tonight continued to eat me up from the insides.