Sofia’s POV
I hated the fact that each time I thought about that, all it did was make me feel even less powerful and more broken than ever, all it does is make me shed tears uncontrollably and make me question my existence, all it does is make me feel disgusted with myself even more.
A small sob slipped out of my mouth in the next second, and I pulled away from Luca with all of my strength, pushing myself away from the chair we had both been sitting on, and I made my way towards the banister on the balcony, standing before it but not pressing my body against it, and I pressed my hands against my face, covering my face from the dark night in shame as I sobbed quietly.
Tears streamed down my face and my body shook with the force of my tears, and I felt more embarrassed because Luca was right there, watching me break down without any sort of control.
I sobbed quietly, trying to stifle the sounds and also trying to stop my tears from pouring down at such a fast pace, but the tears just wouldn’t stop coming after about five minutes had passed, and by then, my tears had decided to finally stop coming. I sniffed deeply and wiped my hand over my eyes, just as a small shiver slid down my body in the next second.
I shifted my weight from foot to foot, staring down into the world before me, and watching as life was moving on super fast before I could even bother to blink. I could feel Luca’s stare digging into my back, but I refused to turn my gear around and stare at him, because I was already embarrassed enough by breaking down before me all because he had asked me a single question.
Cold air blew around and I sniffed a couple of times before wrapping my arms around my body, hugging myself and trying to rub some of the cold off my bare arms. I dragged in a deep breath and breathed it out after a few moments, and the breath wished out shakily and breathy. I moved my weight from foot to foot once again, shifting a little and moving even closer to the banister of the balcony, because I was unconsciously trying to move away from Luca as much as I could… as if that was going to make him further from where I currently was.
I felt warm material drape over my shoulders and arms a second later and I jolted instantly, turning my head around and licking eyes with Luca in the next second. I swallowed emptily, staring up into his eyes and feeling my throat dry up at how intense and dark his eyes currently were. I couldn’t deny the fact that I was cold, and that his jacket which he had thought of wrapping around my shoulders was so damn warm and had already managed to keep cold out of my body almost immediately after it got draped around me.
“Thank you,”‘ I mumbled quietly before turning back around and facing the dark night once again. Luca wasn’t standing super close to me, seeing as his body wasn’t even touching mine at the moment, but I was super aware of him at the moment, and that thought alone was making my stomach tighten up nervously. I wonder how I hadn’t been able to hear him when he had stood up from the chair we had both begun sitting in, to make his way over to where I was currently standing in. I pulled the jacket tightly around me, letting a small sigh slip out my mouth as the warmth of the jacket seeped into my body, coupled with the fact that Luca’s scent was still clinging to the jacket really strongly.
I breathed out a shaky breath, blinking my eyes a little and trying to not focus on the images which were still floating around every part of my head, ever since Luca had decided to Mention that particular night. I knew it was bound to get brought up at a certain point. I’ve known about that since the very next day after he had helped me wake up from a nightmare. There was just no way he wouldn’t get curious about what it was that had triggered that particular nightmare, but since a week had passed and it still didn’t get brought up, I had assumed he had forgotten about it and wouldn’t ever be bringing it up, not knowing that I had been really wrong.
I pulled the jacket tighter around me even more, moving my weight from foot to foot as I tried to not sniff back my tears so loudly any longer, seeing as Luca was currently standing behind me, and at this point, I was starting to think he had been standing behind me ever since I had started to sob, and the burning heat of embarrassment was making my ear and cheeks feel really hot without me even bothering to touch.
I puffed out a deep breath once again, starting to feel uneasy at this point, and scared about what was going to happen with me tonight, because at this point, I was super sure I was going to be having a nightmare about that same reason tonight, and I didn’t like that one bit.
My stomach was starting to hurt from how nervous and uneasy I was currently feeling, coupled with the fact that I could feel the income of a panic attack, which was only going to make everything so much worse than it was at the moment. My eyes were starting to hurt a little due to the fact that I had just finished crying some minutes ago, and I released a part of the jacket to use it rubbing against my eyes for a few seconds, before finally pulling the jacket tightly against me once again.
I registered the fact that Luca had decided to place his hand on my shoulder, even before I felt his hold oh my shoulder, before his hold slide down my shoulder to hold my elbow, and I swallowed emptily, wincing a little and preparing myself for the very worse, because I was already imagining up all what it could be that he was about to say. It could be that he was about to inform me about the fact that he was disappointed about the fact that I had broken down that way… but turn my thought hadn’t been able to form out in my head really well, because a part of my mind knew or at least, believed the fact that Luca couldn’t do that to me.
Or, it could be that he was about to force me into speaking about what I’ve never told a soul about… although that particular thought refused to form out fully in my head, because like before, a part of my mind in my head knew that Luca wouldn’t ever do this. Luca had never done a thing to hurt me, Luca had literally treated me in nothing but a good way every since I got married off to him, he had never done anything go make me hate him or make me see him at a bad person, which was why it was really hard for me to think of him in a bad light.
I puffed out a deep breath as I felt his hand start to move up and down on my arm, his touch managing to make warmth blend into that part of my arm which his firm touch was currently searing into. He wasn’t still touching his body to mine yet, which I was grateful about. I wouldn’t want to feel overwhelmed or closed up in any way, and I guessed he had been able to figure that out in some kind of way.
“I’m sorry for bringing that up.” His deep voice echoed around my body and I felt my chest start to tighten up in the middle of my chest, there was no reason for him to apologize, he was only curious like any normal human was definitely going to be after watching me act in some kind of way when I was deep in sleep, and here he was, apologizing to me in a voice and tone that dropped how much he really was sorry.
Just how I had been about to believe the fact that he was a bad person? Each day, as each day came and went, he was always showing me how much of a good person he was, and tonight, in this particular moment, it wasn’t any different.
I sniffed a little, wiping at my left eye with my palm when some wayward tear started to slide down my cheek as I started to shake my head in the next second, just as he started to speak, not giving me a chance to speak.
“I had no idea it was going to bring you this much distress, I won’t bring it up again.” His voice poured out around me, and I sniffed back another round of tears in the next second, as his words sank down into my head. Of course he wouldn’t bring it up again, for my own good, because he didn’t want to see me break down any more, not caring about the fact that he still didn’t know the reason behind my nightmare.
And that thought alone in my head, coupled with the previous ones I’ve had, had probably been the ones behind my mind when I had started to speak in the next second without even thinking.
“No, no. It’s alright.”