One Month since everything happened but Lileth is still not ok. We still avoid each other just so I can’t get close to her because she suddenly screams when I’m close. Even she didn’t want to but she also couldn’t do anything because she said that her body was shaking spontaneously.
But I have to endure. I must not give up. This endurance was nothing compared to the endurance she endured with me. I was at fault so I had to make up for her. I can’t give up on this opportunity. Not now because we wouldn’t have reached this point if I hadn’t neglected.
“Sir?” I looked at my secretary who had just entered.
“Yes?”
“Someone is looking for you.”
“Who?”
“Erika.” I got up quickly. I feel my heart throbs in excitement. We haven’t seen each other in weeks because she avoids me since we had that conversation at home.
“Let her in.” She nodded in response and immediately left. I know it shouldn’t and isn’t right but I’m happy and excited. Soon Erika came in smiling at me. I miss her so damn much.
“Hi,” she greeted me.
“Hi, have a seat.” I pointed to the sofa and then I sat across from her. “What’s brought you here?” I heard her sigh first before answering me.
“I came here to say goodbye.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just came to your house and bid goodbye to Lileth. She gives me her approval to come here to say goodbye to you as well.”
“Goodbye for? You mean, you will leave?” she lightly nods.
“Yes, my things are down already. I’m on my way to the airport.” I did not answer her. I just sigh then stand up and stand beside her. I took her hand and remain quiet. As long as I can I want her to be mine too. But that will be selfish of me when I do that.
“I don’t know what to say. I want you to stay but I don’t want to tie you to me. I love you, and yes I am. But —- my wife needs me. I’m sorry for causing you pain. Sorry for being an ass because you are hurting because of me.”
“You’re the best thing that happened to me, Dave. I do not regret that I gave myself up to you. I have no regrets that I loved you from then until now. Even though I was hurting I was happy because you became mine somehow and I felt your love. That you loved me and appreciated me. That is what is important to me.”
“I love you, Erika, I love you both. If it was just me I wanted you to stay the same with me but I know that’s greed. So even if I don’t want to, even if it hurts not to see you. I have to let you go because Lileth is my wife.”
“I understand, Dave. That is why I will leave because as long as I’m here I can’t afford to see you. I will just be hurt and have a hard time. And I also don’t want to hurt you.”
“Erika.”
“I’ll just have a hard time and you’ll have a hard time too.” She started to cry. “I don’t want you to get confused because I know she is the one you will choose. And I also don’t want you to leave her because he needs you.”
She touched my face and I brought my face close to her. I started to cry also. I kiss her passionately while we both cry. When our lips parted I pressed our foreheads together.
“I’m sorry, Erika, I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“It’s not your fault. I’m happy to be with you somehow.”
“I wish you happiness. I hope you find the one that will really make you happy.”
I grab her and hug her tightly. I am selfish. Because I just think that she is no longer mine and she will go to someone else I am already hurting. But I know I can move on with her too. I will devote all my time and attention to Lileth. Because that’s what it should be. Because she is my wife.
We parted and I caressed her face. Damn! It hurts me to think that I will lose her forever. The woman who gave me happiness once when no one is there with me. Now I will be lost forever.
“Take care of yourself,” I said.
“You too, and please, take care of my sister.”
“I will.”
“Please make her happy.”
“I am.”
“I love you, Dave.” She held my face with both of her hands.
“I love you, too.” We stare at each other and both don’t want to take our eyes off each other. Our hearts know that when we let go of each other’s hands it will be like that will be our last meeting.
Until she says the word I don’t want to hear from her but need to.
“Goodbye, Dave.” I bowed and did not answer immediately. I wiped away the tears and held her hand. “I will miss you.”
“Goodbye,” I said while still bowing. She withdrew her hand and then left. I didn’t look at him and I didn’t move. I heard the door open and close. When I turned around she was gone.
I sat up and continued to cry. I love my wife, but I love her also. I love them and I wanted them both to be with me. But it’s not possible because only one is possible for me. And that is Lileth, my wife.
I am wishing Erika happiness. I don’t want to be selfish even though I know I’m hurting. Hopefully the next time we meet we can look into each other’s eyes without hurting each other. Whether I admit it or not, Erika gave me a big part of the fun. She was there at times when I felt I had no sympathy.
But I love my wife even though I love her. I was confused but I had to choose the right one. And the right one is none other than my wife. Lileth — she’s the one for me.
I FIXED myself before getting out of the car. I wiped my face and then went inside the house. When I entered the room I saw Lileth sitting on the sofa. She got up immediately and went to her bed to avoid me.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi, I arranged for you to wear it.” I looked at the sofa where my dress lay.
“Thank you.” I took them and then went to the bathroom. That’s where I got dressed and when I came out it was ready. “How’s your day?” I ask.
“It’s okay,” she replied. “Dustine, do you have a problem?”
“Huh, why?” I wondered.
“Looks like you’re just come from crying.” I did not speak and immediately averted my gaze. “Did you meet Erika?” I looked at her and sighed.
“Lileth.”
“She said goodbye to me.” I sat on the sofa and never spoke. “Do you love her?”
“Lileth, sorry, sorry. I promise I have nothing else to think about but you,” I said. I don’t know what else to say. It’s obvious that I’m stupid because I’m with my wife but I have another woman in mind.
“Dustine, I know you love Erika and I won’t scold you there. I knew I was at fault so your love for her returned. And I know your love for me is not complete.”
“Lileth, I’m sorry, I can’t take Erika out of my heart. Like you, I love her too. But promise, from now on I will not think of her. She has chosen to leave and I think it would be better for us to forget about each other.”
“Can you really forget her?”
“Lileth.”
“Can you forget Erika?” I bowed and did not answer. I heard her deep sigh. “Everyone has a reason, Dustine. All hard work and sacrifice have a reward. Confusion and hesitation, all of that have a price.”
“Lileth, sorry. I have nothing to say but sorry for being stupid.”
“More than anyone else, only God knows everything. And every sacrifice and pain, there is a reciprocal grace and joy. When the right time comes. To me, to you, and to Erika.” Then I looked up. “Everything will be ok too.”