Panic swept over me and I swung around to look for them. They weren’t on my desk like they usually were. It was then I recalled that Daddy had taken them the night before. A mixture of emotions gathered in my gut as I calmly composed myself to get ready to ask for them. I wasn’t a child anymore.
I didn’t have to be afraid. As I headed to the door, I noticed them on the nightstand. Daddy must have placed them there when he poked his head in last night. I smiled and picked them up, rolling them over in my hands while looking at them fondly before leaving my room. I waved my goodbyes as I quickly retreated out the front door and into the fresh morning air.
Work didn’t provide too much more of a comfort from home. Every page was a testament to my frustration. Home was distracting me which made it intensely difficult to focus on anything else. I nearly shelved several books incorrectly and kicked myself about a dozen times for small mistakes that I could have caught if I wasn’t completely wrapped up in a fantasy. One of my co-workers, who was also a good friend, noticed my lack of concentration today.
“Hey, Vic. You alright? Something seems off.” It was Brad. He was a sweet guy with an unhealthy paranormal obsession. He frequently checked out anything dealing with the supernatural or with strange myths.
“I’m fine,” I responded with a carefree wave of my hand. “It’s just a lazy Sunday.”
That seemed to be my typical response to most things that were distracting. “It’s just a lazy day.” It didn’t make sense, but people accepted it as fact, especially if you said it in the correct tone. I’d never say this to my boss which was why I was trying to shape up my attitude before she came poking her pointy nose around to see what we were accomplishing for the day.
“You know, we’re all going out for dinner later. Do you want to come along?” Brad asked while shifting from one foot to the other.
“I’m not sure. I still have a paper to write before packing up my car to go back to my dorm tonight.” I examined a book that didn’t exactly need examination.
“That’s a shame.” He paused when Lillian approached.
“Yeah, that is a shame.” She chimed in. “Wait, what’s a shame?”
I giggled. “Brad was saying you guys were all going out for dinner later and he was inviting me.”
“You’re right. That is a shame.”
Brad playfully pushed Lillian’s arm and she stuck her tongue out.
“We are going out for dinner and you are totally welcome.” She emphasized “totally” with a roll of her eyes and smirked in my direction. “Brad really wants you to go.”
I could tell she was trying to hook me up. It wasn’t that Brad was unattractive or weird or sometimes a little awkward – he had a perfectly symmetrical face, a decently built body, and the most genuine smile – but it was just how preoccupied I was with Daddy. I didn’t want to disappoint him by going out with another guy. Then again, it was with a group, so it wasn’t so much a date as it was a friendly gathering. I considered it.
“Well, let me make sure my folks don’t have anything planned.”
“You mean your mom and her sexy husband?”
“Lillian!”
“What? He’s mega hunk territory and you know it. I’d do some wild things to that dude.” She twirled her bubblegum with her index finger. “He wouldn’t know what to do with all of me.”
My face flushed red and I hurriedly gathered more books to examine and shelve. I pushed the stepping stool out in front of the history section and started stacking books in different places, making sure to double check that they were in the appropriate areas.
“You have a crush on him, don’t you?” I could feel Lillian teasing me with her eyes and her famous mischievous smirk.
I turned to look back at her with a stern, but playful gaze.
“Never in a million years, girl.” I said. “He’s not even my type. He’s covered in tattoos, he rides a Harley, and I think he smokes pot in the garage when mom falls asleep.”
“So? He’s the perfect bad boy
!” Lillian exclaimed.
I shook my head and went back to shelving whatever was left in my arms.
“Lillian, we’re not in high school anymore. Those things aren’t that impressive. I’m attracted to responsible men who have careers and goals, maybe even weekend hobbies. I don’t have time for bad boy types.” I think I was trying to convince myself more than her that Daddy was just an irresponsible little man with that forbidden vibe that was all too attractive whenever I was sixteen. I’m nineteen now. I have priorities. Daddy is just a fantasy. He probably didn’t even like me that way.
“I’m a responsible man with a career and goals.” Brad stated from my left.
Lillian and I laughed.
“Oh, come on. I’m the best clerk around here and I know everything there is to know about the paranormal. I’m a walking encyclopedia!” Brad stood in a superhero pose with his hands pressed firmly to his hips. “I’m a real man!”
“Okay, Mr. Real Man. We have some other crap to shelve over in the reference section. Let’s get moving.” Lillian took Brad by the arm and started dragging him away while turning to wave teasingly in my direction. “Enjoy your bad boy daddy, Vic.”
My face turned hot again from embarrassment and I stepped down from the stepping stool. The cart was still halfway filled with books that needed to be sorted before closing. I had plenty of time. I just didn’t want to be stuck with my own thoughts for that long.
Maybe I should go out to dinner with Brad and Lillian even if it only distracts me temporarily from my awkward situation at home. I still couldn’t figure out if Daddy was really checking me out this morning or if he was just trying to be fatherly towards me. I’ve never been a daddy’s girl. I didn’t have the experience to tell whether that’s what he was doing or if it was entirely sexual. What about my mom?