CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR –
MEGAN POINT OF VIEW
I was drenched in sweat after that brutal training session with Jane.
“Hell of a workout,” she said, nodding approvingly.
I just shrugged, not wanting to reveal how much inner turmoil had fueled my intensity.
As I stepped into the hallway, Lilly was waiting. Leaning against the wall. Looking fashionable as ever.
She arched one perfect eyebrow. “Sheesh, you look like you went ten rounds with Tyson. Everything okay?”
“Fine,” I said curtly, swiping the towel across my forehead. “Just felt like putting in extra work.”
Lilly studied me for a moment. “If you say so.” She shook her head slightly. “Anyway, I’m out. Need to check on my mom again. The doctor said her condition is turning.”
A pang of remorse hit me at my brusque attitude. I softened. “Sorry, Lil. Let me know if you need anything.”
She waved me off. “Don’t worry about me. Just…” She gave me a pointed look. “Try not to beat yourself up too much over whatever’s eating you.”
Then she sashayed away down the hall.
Alone, I exhaled slowly. Feeling the coiled tension start to unravel.
I decided against heading straight home. Some fresh air sounded good.
A chance to clear my head more.
I tugged on a hoodie and took the stairs down to the street.
The crisp March air was a welcome balm. I tucked my hands in my pockets and started wandering aimlessly.
My path led through quaint side streets lined with shops. At one point, I heard faint meowing.
Looking up, I saw a pet store. The window full of crates and toys. And cats and kittens peering out warily.
Dr Lillian words echoed in my mind. “Try not to beat yourself up…”
A memory resurfaced. After the brutal Miles breakup. One night, sobbing inconsolably
My nutritionist suggested have a pet. “Something furry and loving to remind you not all hearts betray you.”
At the time, the idea of attachment had felt unfathomable. But maybe Doc was onto something.
Before I could overthink it, I found myself drifting into the pet store. A bell tinkled as the door opened.
An old man smiled at me from behind the counter. “Hello! Looking for a companion today?”
“Oh, um… I’m not sure,” I said, glancing around. “I wasn’t planning on it, but…”
My eyes landed on one crate. A lanky gray cat studied me with wariness and disdain. Her demeanor resonated deeply.
“Ah, Smoky has caught your eye,” the man chuckled. “Came to us a few months ago after her owner gave her up.”
I felt a pang of empathy. Discarded after establishing trust and companionship… I could sadly relate.
I crouched to be eye level with the mistrustful feline. “Hi there,” I murmured softly, keeping still.
Smoky watched me hawkishly. After a moment, she leaned forward. Sniffing my outstretched fingers.
“You’ve been let down, huh?” My voice caught. “Yeah… I know that soul-sucking betrayal too well.”
To my surprise, Smoky gave a low, raspy meow. Like she understood the rawness in my words. A glimmer of kinship bloomed in me.
Slowly, I reached into the crate. Letting my hand make contact. Gently stroking her wiry coat.
I expected Smoky to recoil or protest the alien touch.
But she went perfectly still. Allowing me to pet her, purring softly.
In that moment, something unclenched fractionally inside me.
This tentative connection with a fellow discarded being… it sparked a reminder. That vulnerability could lead to healing too.
After long minutes of just listening to Smoky’s contented purrs, I finally straightened up.
The shopkeeper watched me with an inscrutable look. “I’d wager our prickly friend may have worked her way under that tough exterior.”
Heat flushed my cheeks at being so transparent. I cleared my throat. “I… yeah, maybe she has.” A wry smile tugged my lips. “Believe it or not, I haven’t had a pet since I was a kid.”
“Well, no better time than now to change that,” he said sagely. “From what I gather, Smoky’s had a rough go before ending up here. A person like you who recognizes that loneliness… you could be the right balm for her healing too.”
I bit my lip, glancing back at Smoky silently watching me from her crate.
“Yeah…” My voice was hushed. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”
I met the man’s gaze decisively. “Okay. I’m taking the plunge. Smoky and I can be two renovated souls helping each other move forward.”
As I stood there holding Smoky’s carrier, the shopkeeper could sense my uncertainty.
“First time pet owner, eh?” he asked with a kind smile.
I nodded sheepishly. “Is it that obvious?”
He chuckled. “Yes, you’ve got that look that screams where to start.” He laughed.
I run a hand through my hair and glanced down at the carrier.
“Yeah, I guess you could say that. I don’t know where to start.”
The man waved a dismissive hand. “Nonsense! We’ll get you all set up properly. Smoky’s a relatively low maintenance lady once you’ve got the right supplies.”
I perked up a bit. “Really? That’s a relief. So what do you recommend I get started with?”
“Well, first, you’ll need a good quality food,” he said, motioning me to follow him.
“I’d suggest this grain-free kibble. Smoky was doing well on it while she was here.”
He handed me a sizable bag of the food, and I took it, cradling it against Smoky’s carrier. “Got it. What else?”
“Let’s see…” The shopkeeper stroked his whiskery chin thoughtfully. “A litter box and scoop, some toys to keep her stimulated, a scratching post to tend to those claws, a brush or two for grooming…”
As he listed off each item, I felt my eyes growing wider. There was so much more involved than I’d imagined when I impulsively decided to take Smoky home.
The man must have sensed my rising panic, as he laid a reassuring hand on my arm. “Now, now, don’t you fret, miss. We’ll get you properly outfitted nice and slow.”
Drawing a calming breath, I nodded. “You’re right. Sorry, I’m just realizing how completely unprepared I was going into this. But I’ll get it figured out.”
“That’s the spirit!” he said approvingly. “Why don’t you tell me a bit more about your home setup? That’ll help determine what other supplies would be best.”
I described my penthouse apartment as the shopkeeper listened intently, occasionally interjecting with suggestions.
“An enclosed litter box would be smart, since you mentioned lots of open space and no secluded nooks.”
“Maybe some feather wands or kick toys, those tend to bring out a cat’s natural hunting instincts.”
“Oh, and a sturdy ceramic or metal food and water bowl – nothing she could easily tip or chew on.”
With each recommendation, more items found their way into my arms or the shopkeeper’s hold until I was practically juggling an entire eco-system of pet accoutrements.
Finally, after ringing up what felt like a small fortune’s worth of supplies, he grinned at me over the counter.
“There, I’d say that covers all your bases for giving this lucky lady the royal treatment she deserves in her new kingdom.”
I let out a low whistle, surveying the small mountain of purchases. “I certainly hope so! This is all a bit overwhelming if I’m being honest.”
Reaching out to give Smoky’s carrier a reassuring pat, I felt a sense of determination well up. “But she’s worth it. We’ll get through these first few adjustment periods together.”
The shopkeeper’s smile warmed further at my words. “That’s the right attitude, my dear. Caring for a pet teaches us as much about cultivating patience and resilience as it does responsibility.”
Something about his wizened tone struck a chord deep within me. I met his gaze and returned the smile with a nod.
“Then I’d say Smoky and I both signed up for one invaluable learning experience today. We’re ready to take it on – no matter how many false starts and mishaps occur along the way.”
As if in confirmation, Smoky let out a small meow from her carrier, drawing a chuckle from us both.
“You are, indeed” the shopkeeper said.
“And I’ve a feeling this is a new start for you two.”
With his heartfelt comment, he help me wrangle all my new pet supplies towards the exit.
I was nervous I but can’t go back now.
Maybe this impulsive decision wouldn’t be the rekindling of my life I was subconsciously seeking.
But as I gazed down at Smoky’s carrier against my hip, I knew I was committed to making sure we both found our separate ways towards belonging and trust once more – one unsure step at a time.
I exited the shop. My new feline charge in a carrier under my arm. I wasn’t sure what had made me act on such an impulsive whim.
Maybe it was feeling starved for giving and receiving pure care again. After too long walling myself off from abandonment.
Or maybe… it was the first infinitesimal step towards reopening myself to vulnerability. No matter how terrifying.
From her carrier, Smoky let out a disgruntled mewl. I found myself murmuring soothing words. Threading my hand through to stroke her soft fur.
Whatever had compelled me, I couldn’t deny it.
That fragile flicker of reconnection blooming. Built on shared hopes of overcoming pains.
Of daring to accept care again from unlikely sources.
With that tentative possibility flickering, I cradled my precious new cargo closer. Turning my steps towards the penthouse and whatever came next.
“You’ll be my lover that accept all of me..”