Chapter 18
Abbie
I wake up with a start, my eyes snapping open.
My body jerks, and it only takes a second for the horrendous realization to sink in.
Someone’s on top of me.
My body jerks again as a man thrusts into me.
A boot slams into the side of my head, and I hear vile laughter. Something is said in an Asian language while pain splinters through my skull.
No.
I feel the repulsive movement inside me. I hear the slap of his skin against mine.
It’s only then my blurring gaze manages to focus on the sneering face above me. His eyes are soulless, his features unnaturally evil.
God. No. Stop.
Instantly bile churns in my stomach, and I comprehend the harrowing reality that I’m being raped. My soul cringes away from the depravity, fleeing to save itself from the malevolent darkness closing in.
My jaw clenches so hard I fear I might crack a tooth. A horrified groan escapes me. It sounds like something you’d hear from a dying pig.
Overwhelming despair coats my skin, seeping into me until every inch of me is tainted.
Shock shudders through me, and it’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s dark and cold, stripping me of my light and dropping me into a darkness so suffocating there’s no way for me to escape.
Again I hear the awful sound of skin slapping against skin. My arms fly up, and I begin to hit the rapist as hard as I can, my fists connecting with his neck and face.
“Noooo,” I cry brokenly, distraught sobs wracking through my chest.
The man who’s been standing on the sidelines comes closer and grabs my arms, pinning them down above my head. He laughs at my vulnerability, the sound vile and merciless, while the rapist grunts between harsh breaths.
My body keeps jerking with every thrust, and feeling the rapist’s dick slip in and out of me makes something deep inside me shatter.
“No,” I manage to whimper through my unspeakable shock, my body twisting and straining to escape the violence. “Stop.”
“Blyadʹ!”
I hear the angry curse, and I know it means ‘fuck’ in Russian, then gunshots ring through the air.
The man holding my arms lets go, and I hear him fall somewhere by my head. The rapist slumps down on top of me, his dick softening before it slips out.
“No,” I whisper, my tone sounding dead. “No.” I gasp, trying to get air past the sickening trauma. “No.”
Caught in the indescribable horror of what’s happening to me, I can’t process anything else.
The body is hauled off of me, and Alek’s face appears above me. “Come! We have to move.”
He grabs hold of my shoulders and yanks me to my feet. Pain engulfs my body, and my head feels as if a thousand needles are trying to pierce my skull.
I struggle to find my balance and sway as my eyes slowly creep over the dirty floor I was violated on. There are two dead bodies. One has his pants around his thighs, his hairy ass on full display.
Alek crouches down in front of me. “Lift your right foot, Abbie.” His voice is icy and cruel.
Somehow I manage to place my hand on his shoulder, so I don’t fall. Alek pulls my pants up my legs, and I feel him fastening the button. I hear the zipper go up.
“Abbie!” he snaps harshly before he grips my chin, forcing me to look at his face. “I know you’re in shock, but we have to move. It’s not safe.”
I stare into his eyes and blink, unable to focus on anything but the soul- destroying fact that I was raped.
I was raped.
My lips part, and a strangled gasp escapes me.
Alek places his hand on the side of my neck, and for the first time ever, I see emotion on his face. He looks as tortured as I feel.
“I know, Abbie. I know this is fucked up, but you have to pull it together. We have to get out of here.”
With his gun firmly in his right hand, he wraps his left arm around my shoulders and pushes me toward an exit. It’s only then I realize I’m in some kind of container.
Alek jumps down to the gravel below and gestures for me to come. My body is on automatic pilot as I move. Landing next to him, I sway again from the pain tearing through my body. He quickly wraps his arm around me again, and I walk because I have to. It looks like we’re at a trainyard.
I was raped.
As we climb through an opening between two train carriages, Alek’s arm slams into my stomach. “Wait, let me check if it’s safe,” he whispers before peeking around the carriage.
I can hear voices and only move when Alek pulls me out into the open. “Let’s stay here,” he says, his eyes on a group of men who seem to be discussing something.
Stuck in a nightmarish trance, my eyes lock on Nikolai as he says, “I’m here on behalf of my cousin. You’re outnumbered. Let’s end this war, D’Angelo.”
He looks so angry.
I see the gun he has trained on my father, and I feel nothing.
Nothing but the atrocious horror of what just happened to me.
I can’t focus on anything but the feel of the repulsive man inside me and the way my body jerked with each thrust. The disgust and shame are so thick and dark that everything else is blocked out.
Bile churns in my stomach again, and I feel ice cold. Tremors wrack through my body, and it has Alek holding me tighter to his side where I’ve been cowering.
“I’ve got you. You’re safe,” he murmurs, his words comforting. Somehow I think to whisper, “Don’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t,” he promises.
I can’t believe Alek saved me. Deep down, I thought he’d be one of the first to try and kill me.
Slowly I lift my eyes to his face. “Thank you.”
He shakes his head. There’s intense compassion warring with rage in his eyes.
“Abbie!” I hear Aurora scream. Suddenly, her arms wrap around me, and I lose the safety of Alek as she hugs me. “They told me you were dead!”
The trembling in my body grows drastically, and a groan ripples up my throat. “It hurts, Ra-Ra,” I whisper, my voice not sounding like my own.
It hurts so much.
Aurora pulls away from me, and my eyes lock on Nikolai, who’s stalking toward me. When he reaches me, he sweeps me up into his arms, and the moment I smell him, I crack.
Desperate to feel safe, I throw my arms around his neck while ugly sobs burst from me.
He hurt me so much, Nikolai. I can’t… I can’t.
“I have you, moya dusha. I won’t let anyone hurt you again.” His voice rumbles like thunder, and it has me clinging to him for the sake of what’s left of my sanity.
My cries turn hysterical. I’m unable to control anything, and my breaths are so fast no air reaches my lungs.
I’m placed on something before Nikolai’s face is in front of mine. “Christ,” he growls angrily. “What have they done to your face?”
The words don’t register as I wrap my arms around my middle. Closing my eyes, I check out of reality because I can’t deal with what happened to me.
I’m lifted again, and I think Nikolai positions me on a seat, strapping a safety belt over me. A door slams, and the silence stretches before I hear him climb into the car.
My body breathes because it has to, but mentally, there’s nothing left of
me.
The car moves, then I hear Nikolai’s voice. It sounds as if he’s miles
away. “Abigail, look at me.”
I can’t.
I’ve lost all sense of time and my surroundings.
I’m still lying on that filthy floor with a monster violating me.
The car stops, and seconds or hours later, I’m lifted into Nikolai’s strong arms, and my head slumps against his shoulder.
“Christ, Abigail!”
There’s only concern in Nikolai’s harsh tone, but I can’t force my eyes open.
My body jolts as he runs, and I hear him shout, “She’s been hurt.” “Place her on the bed,” I hear another voice. A man.
I float onto the mattress, and soon hands take my vitals before probing my face. I feel the pain, but it’s nothing compared to the devastation inside me.
I can’t.
In a zombie state, I open my eyes and push the hands away from me. I sit up and throw my legs off the bed.
“Let the doctor look at you,” Nikolai says, his voice strained with worry.
I shake my head and climb to my feet. “Abigail!” Nikolai snaps. “Christ.”
“She’s in shock.” My eyes turn to the speaker, and I hardly take in the man in the white coat.
A doctor?
He reaches for me, and I instantly recoil. “Don’t touch me!” The growl from me sounds unnatural.
“Miss Sartori, we need to treat the wounds on your face. You probably have a concussion as well.”
“Don’t touch me,” I whimper. “Don’t touch me!” I move back, bumping into the bed.
Feeling cornered, I frantically look around, and seeing the space between Nikolai and the doctor, I dart forward and run for my life.
I make it into a hallway and turn right. “Abigail!” Nikolai shouts.
Just then, Alek appears at the end of the hallway, and I sprint as fast as I can. “Alek,” I breathe, his name barely audible on my lips. “Alek!”
He opens his arms in time for me to slam into his chest, and I start to ramble with pure desperation, “Help me. You have to help me.”
“Shh…Abbie. I’ll help you.” I feel Alek’s arms close around me, then he says, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her.”
“What the fuck happened to her?” Nikolai demands, his voice thick with concern.
Oh God, if Nikolai stays with me, he’ll realize what happened to me, and I don’t want him to know. I’ll die if he finds out.
“They beat the shit out of her,” Alek mutters. “She’s in shock. I killed the fuckers, so she probably feels safe with me. Just give her some space.”
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
“The doctor needs to check her. She might have a concussion,” Nikolai murmurs, his tone softer.
“Abbie,” Alek says to get my attention. When he tries to push me away from him, I start to cry, shaking my head wildly. He lets out a sigh. “I’ll check her face and watch her for the next twenty-four hours. We’ve done this shit during training.”
Sounding closer, Nikolai says, “Abigail.” I shake my head, just needing time.
“Just give her space,” Alek says again. He moves his arm around my shoulders and leads me back to the infirmary, then he asks the doctor, “Is there a private room Abbie can use?”
“Yes, sir,” the doctor answers. “Through that door.”
“Bring me supplies to clean her wounds with,” Alek orders before he guides me to the room.
When the door shuts behind us, I pull away from Alek. I wrap my arms around my middle and hunch my shoulders.
Every muscle in my body cramps as ugly cries are ripped from my chest. “Thank you,” I sob. “I just…need…”
“I know,” Alek murmurs gently. “I know exactly what you need. You’re safe in this room. I’ll stand guard while you break.”
My eyes connect with Alek, and seeing the torment clear as day, I know he means every word. He’s suffered something severe, and now that I’m losing my mind, I understand why Alek comes off as insane.
There’s a knock at the door, and I scramble to the corner of the room. Alek opens, and when it’s the doctor with the medical supplies, my muscles tighten, my body on high alert to flee any form of danger.
When the door shuts again, and it’s just Alek and me, I sink down into a crouching position with my arms wrapped tightly around my body. I close my eyes and slowly start to rock.
There’s no way I can face my reality. I can’t deal with what happened. I don’t want to think about it.
I just want to switch off my mind.