Chapter 13
Nikolai
Stalking into my suite, I lock my fingers behind my neck and suck in desperate breaths of air.
Fucking Abigail was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’m still fucking hard.
I close my eyes, trying to calm the chaotic emotions swirling in my chest.
I’m angry that I gave in and fucking upset because I know once will never be enough.
Christ, her cries and moans were erotic as fuck, and she fit me like a glove.
But that’s not what has me spiraling.
Letting out a growl, I open my eyes and walk to the liquor tray to pour myself a tumbler of whiskey. As I swallow the burning liquid, I refuse to inspect the emotions the woman has evoked in me.
No. You don’t have time for a woman, never mind one like Abigail Sartori. She’s a fucking handful on her best day. You’ll kill each other.
“Fuck,” I mutter, and unable to process the fact that I actually care for the woman, I throw the glass across the room. It shatters against the wall just as my phone starts to ring.
Yanking the device from my pocket, I stare at Maxim’s name flashing on the screen.
My breaths are harsh as I growl, “Yes?”
There’s a moment’s silence before he asks, “Everything okay?” I don’t even bother lying to my best friend. “No.”
“Want to talk about it?”
I rub my hand over my face as I shake my head, but then I admit, “I fucked one of the attendees.”
“And?”
I shake my head again. “She’s a fucking thorn in my side.”
Maxim lets out a chuckle. “And you decided fucking her would be the best course of action? Why?”
“Christ, it’s hard to explain,” I grumble as I slump down on a sofa. “She’s full of sass and strives to drive me insane.”
“Yeah, I still don’t understand why you decided to fuck her and why it’s a problem.”
I take a couple of deep breaths, and closing my eyes, I admit, “I care about her.”
“Oh.” More silence follows my words, then finally, Maxim asks, “How much do you care about her?”
“Too much. I fucking asked Viktor to cancel the hit he had out on her.” “Hold on,” my friend almost chokes. “Last time I checked, there were
two active hits. Which one are we talking about?” “Abigail Sartori.”
Abigail fucking Sartori. Christ.
I fucked her.
“You fucked Sartori’s daughter?” Maxim lets out a bark of laughter. “Jesus, now this story is getting good.”
“Fuck off,” I mutter.
My friend gets his laughter under control, then asks, “Again, why is this a problem?”
“Because I love my life the way it is, and I don’t need a woman destroying my routine.”
“Did you ever stop to think that just maybe a woman will add to the quality of your life?”
“Yeah, so tell me, why aren’t you married yet?” I sneer. “Because I haven’t met the one.”
“Right.” I let out a sigh. “Abigail is a fucking handful. We’ll end up killing each other.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. No one has ever pissed me off as much as she does.” “Why does she piss you off?”
“She fucking flirts like it’s a paying job and doesn’t take anything seriously.”
“Hey, opposites attract. With you being anal about your routine and where everything has to be, her ruffling things up might be a good change.”
I fall back against the sofa and let out a groan. “There’s an eighteen- year age gap between us. I’m old enough to be her father.”
“But you’re not her father,” Maxim states the obvious. “Age doesn’t fucking matter as long as both parties consent to the relationship.”
“You’re not fucking helping,” I bark.
“I’m not going to tell you what you want to hear, Nikolai. I think if you care about the woman, then you should give a relationship a try. The worst that can happen is you fuck her for a while and realize she’s not the one for you.”
Fucking her a couple of times won’t be enough.
It takes a lot out of me to be honest, as I say, “She’s already under my skin. If I let her in, there will be no getting her out.”
“I don’t see why this is a problem.”
“Of course you don’t, because it’s not your perfectly constructed life that will fall to pieces.”
He lets out a sigh, and this time his tone is serious as he says, “Listen to me, Nikolai. You don’t want to wake up one day and realize you’ve let the only woman you could love get away.” Maxim pauses to let his words sink in. “Take time and think things through. If your feelings for the woman keep growing, just go for it. At least the odds are in your favor.”
“How do you figure that?”
“She let you fuck her. It’s an emotional act for women.”
He clearly doesn’t know Abigail.
“Stop worrying and let things happen naturally. You can’t control every- fucking-thing in this world.”
“I’m sure as fuck going to try,” I growl.
“I pity the woman who has to deal with your OCD and control issues,” he taunts me.
“Yeah, like you’ve done for over thirty years.” “Damn, you’re right. I pity myself.”
“Fuck off,” I chuckle. “Feeling better?” he asks. “Yeah.”
“Good, now about Camilla DuBois. The woman is fucking infuriating.” I break down in a fit of laughter, and only once I get it under control do
I say, “You just lectured me about love and relationships. Did you miss the entire conversation?”
“I don’t care about the woman.”
“Yet,” I chuckle, enjoying this way too much. “Give it time. Soon she’ll be under your skin, and before you know what’s happening, you’re fucking her brains out, and your best friend tells you just to let things happen naturally.”
“You’re impossible to talk with today. I’ll call tomorrow when you’re in a better mood.”
I’m still laughing when he hangs up. Shaking my head, I drop the device on the coffee table, then I let out a groan as I bury my face in my hands. “Christ, I’m so fucking fucked.”
I just had a twenty-minute-long conversation with Maxim, and I’m no closer to an answer.
I grew up in a happy home with parents who adore each other. There’s no reason for my apprehensiveness to get involved with a woman.
Maybe I’m just one of those people who isn’t meant to be in a relationship. I care about Abigail, and I’d rather stop things now before she falls in love with me like Anja did.
Slowly I pull my hands away from my face as the realization sinks in.
Even though I did my best to make Anja believe that I loved her, it took a hell of a lot out of me. Yes, I did a good thing, but it made me feel like shit. I fucking deceived a dying woman.
I never want to be in a position like that again.
I don’t know if what I feel for Abigail has the potential to become love. Getting into a relationship with her and allowing her to fall in love with me would be too much of a risk.
The last thing I want to do is give the woman false hope before breaking her heart.
We fucked, and it was amazing. Let’s leave it at that.