Kallum immediately wrapped his arms around her, giving her a fierce hug. “Oh, Lila, I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her hair. No wonder she’d been so feral before. “Doesn’t he realise that any child of a Vârcolac would be so much stronger than a human child?”
“I don’t think he’s really thought about that.” Lily snuggled closer as she talked, needing the comfort of someone she trusted implicitly. “He’s so closed down to the idea, so full of pain over Sophia, that I find I can’t argue with him about it. I can’t hurt him by forcing the issue, Kal.”
He held her close and gently rocked her, trying to imagine Mac’s pain and knowing he would never be able to fully grasp it. He was angry that Mac was hurting his sister by refusing her the chance of being a mother, and yet, he was so proud of Lily for standing by her mate. His emotions were conflicted.
“Maybe he’ll change his mind.”
Lily pulled back to look up at him, an expression of hopelessness on her face. “I don’t think that’s ever going to happen,” she answered, her tone so quiet he had to strain to hear her.
“Can you live with that?”
She shrugged and gave him a wan smile. “Annie and Mara do. They are two of the most remarkable women I know so if they can then I guess I can. All I know is that I don’t want to lose him, Kal. I can’t lose him.”
He stroked her cheek gently, proud of the determination he saw in her eyes. He loved Lily so much and only ever wanted her to be happy. If he could make this right for her he would but it didn’t appear that there would be anything he could do about it except be there when she needed him.
“I can talk to him if you want,” he offered. Maybe if he spoke male to male with Mackenzie it would help to resolve things.
Lily’s immediate shake of the head was what he’d expected so he didn’t press the issue, simply gathered her back into his arms and tried to give comfort to the pain he could feel down their bond.
“Whatever happens I’m here, Lila,” he whispered. “I’m always here.”
Kal felt his T-shirt become wet and knew she was crying silent tears as he rocked her. He felt his anger spark again and wanted to go looking for Mac to pound some sense into him. However, right now his sister needed him more, so he held her close and whispered words of love and support as she worked through her pain.
*****
Lily sensed Mac returning to the compound and opted to go for a walk until she got her emotions settled a bit more. Talking with Kal had helped a bit as had sparring with him.
She knew Mac was hurting and feeling guilty and she wanted to be fully in control before they came face to face again. The only way to soothe his pain was for him to believe she had come to terms with everything and was happy with her life. She was almost there emotionally but needed another hour or so to clear her head completely.
Walking slowly through the trees, she replayed her morning conversation with Mac, hearing the pain in his voice, her heart breaking once more for his tears. Her own cheeks were wet as she imagined what a wonderful father he must have been, what an amazing father he would have been to their children. She had no doubts that he would have loved and protected her babies unconditionally.
That was what hurt the most. Mac had so much love to give and he’d never have that opportunity because of his past. It was so unfair that he would be denied the joy of being a father again because he couldn’t come to terms with the pain of losing Sophia.
Lily was resigned to never being a mother. There was so much new life in the pack and she was sure her fellow Vârcolac would one day have children. She could content herself with being the best aunt in the world, spoiling each little boy and girl with her love.
But she wanted more for Mac because she loved him so much. She wanted to give him beautiful babies and see his eyes glow with such love as he held them cradled in his arms.
She knew his memories of Sophia were tainted in blood and death. If she couldn’t give him new memories then maybe there was some way she’d be able to return his memories of his daughter before she died. Maybe that was the gift she was meant to give him? However, she would have to convince him to talk more about his past family.
Lily sighed as she glanced to the left and spotted the chimney top of Dayton and Freya’s secluded lodge. She was surprised at how far and at the direction she’d walked in. She was skirting the boundaries of the Praetorian Compound and a quick scan of the area told her there were no wolves or vampires around.
It was only then that she realised she’d shadowed as she’d walked, becoming invisible to everyone but Kal and Liam who weren’t in the area. She couldn’t recall ever having done that before, shadowing without being aware of it. It was mildly disconcerting to realise she had. The lack of control they were all starting to show was worrying and something they would probably have to talk about soon, if Kal wasn’t already arranging a meeting of the Vârcolac.
Lily turned to head back and was suddenly overcome by a wave of dizziness. Surprised, she didn’t even try to stay on her feet but allowed herself to sink to the dirt ground on her knees. Putting her hands out she leaned forward on all fours as a wave of nausea swept over her and she wretched up her lunch.
Staring in shock, she felt another wave overcome her as her body rebelled against the food she’d eaten earlier and more dizziness assaulted her. Moisture gathered in her eyes and she heaved again inelegantly.
What the hell was wrong with her? She hadn’t vomited since she was about three and ate some unripe berries she’d come across in the forest. She hadn’t liked the experience then and she sure as hell didn’t like it now!
Her limbs felt weak as she sank backwards as the nausea passed, lying flat on her back in the dirt. Fear raced through her. Had she been poisoned like Pietro? She’d been shadowed for her walk so surely no one could have seen her and shot her with a poison dart or something? She knew she’d been deep in thought but she was sure she would have felt a projectile striking her.