Were his walls completely down this time or would he build them up again when the haze of passion passed and he once more looked at the bigger picture? She didn’t think she’d be able to stand it if he finally accepted her and then rejected her again. She was afraid of the insanity that curled up deep within her, ever present, always alert for the opportunity to come forth and destroy her completely.
“Talk to me, Lily. Tell me what frightens you so much. Whatever it is I’ll take care of it. I won’t let anything hurt you ever.” The need to protect her was overwhelming. He wanted to take the fear from her eyes, needed to convince her that she could rely on him to be strong enough for both of them.
Mac knew he hadn’t been the most reliable person so far, that he’d blown hot and cold and had confused the hell out of her. But he was done with that now. He was no longer fighting the mating pull, no longer denying she belonged to him. She was his and always had been right from the very day she’d taken her first breath. They’d find a way to convince her father they were meant to be together.
Lily wanted to believe him. He sounded so sincere, his expression anxious as he waited for her response. So much had happened to her emotionally, she felt fragile and uncertain. She knew she needed to go home. She had to be there in case her father reacted negatively to the news of the Praetorians no longer being secret.
She swallowed hard and closed her eyes taking a deep breath. She let it out slowly, her lashes fluttering open to meet his gaze again. “I was crying because I almost lost control of my wolf today,” she admitted, feeling her cheeks burn hot with shame. She waited for his anger, some sign that she’d disappointed him but he remained silent, waiting for her to continue.
“I was afraid about my father learning where I was. I convinced myself there would be a bloodbath if he tried to take me home and my wolf reacted negatively. Usually Kal can calm me, but he couldn’t today. I was panicking and so close to the edge I was terrified I would hurt my brother. Only remembering your order in this room calmed my beast.”
Mac could feel her distress; hear the self-loathing in her voice. It ripped through him so hard he wanted to weep for her. He knew there was still more to come so he held his peace brushing his hand gently through her hair as she took another deep breath.
“I talked to my father. I told him what was wrong and he told me about himself, about his own challenges with his inner demon. He said only my mother was capable of holding his insanity at bay. It appears I share the same personality flaw which is why my wolf is so feral at times.”
“So I’m the only one who can help you?” he asked in a soft voice, his fingers never ceasing their movements through her silky hair. He didn’t wait for her confirmation. “Were you crying because of your father’s revelations or because you thought there was no hope for you because I was rejecting you?”
“Maybe a bit of both,” she admitted on a hoarse whisper. “Dad’s emotions were so strong, so bitter and introverted. He hates that part of himself so much. He’s probably only ever admitted that to Mom because he keeps it locked up so tightly.
I didn’t know what the future held for me if you wouldn’t accept me as yours. I need you as a mate, Mac, as a woman who loves you so much it’s almost a physical thing. But I need you as my anchor too, to hold the insanity at bay, to keep me safe and stop me from ever hurting anyone.”
The vulnerability on her face, the unspoken plea in her voice was another blow to his already battered heart. She’d needed him and he’d walked away from her, left her floundering on her own, afraid.
“Lily.” He whispered her name against her lips, his mouth soft and gentle as she offered him her soul, handing him her heart with such trust despite his actions. He didn’t deserve her. She was too good for him. But she’d stolen his heart long before he’d realised he was missing it. He didn’t know when it had happened he just knew it had. He’d never be able to walk away from her now.
“You’re mine, sugar, just as I am yours. We’re mates and no matter what happens in the future, we’ll stand together always. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. I’m sorry I tried to run from us and I swear I’ll never do it again. I can’t lose you, Lily. I can’t be without you.”
He pressed her against the door, took her mouth in a kiss so sweet and tender a soothing heat flowed through her. Lily’s arms wrapped around his neck, as she pressed closer to him needing to feel his body touching every inch of hers.
Mac kissed her over and over, the same sweet loving kisses that spoke of emotion rather than passion. She felt protected, safe from everything including herself. She felt loved, even though he’d never said the words to her. Her wolf rumbled its approval in a long breathy sound making her laugh softly into Mac’s mouth.
He raised his eyes, his dark gaze warm and sensual as a smile tugged at his lips. “Kissing me is amusing?” There was a teasing note in his voice, a playful side she hadn’t seen in him before.
“My wolf is so damned submissive where you’re concerned it’s quite nauseating,” she answered truthfully.
“I can’t wait to meet her… in a controlled manner,” Mac smiled running his knuckles gently against her cheek. The joy in Lily’s eyes made his heart kick up a beat and pride swell up within him. He’d put that expression on her face. He’d made his woman happy.
The rush of love he felt for her was like nothing he could remember experiencing. It was different from the love he’d felt for his human family. He’d loved Maria and little Sophia deeply, but it had been so long ago now he couldn’t really remember the intensity of those feelings. If it had been anything close to what he felt looking into Lily’s eyes, then he’d been blessed twice in his lifetime.
“How can I love you so much in so short a time, Liliana? How could you come to mean everything to me so quickly?” There was genuine curiosity in his question, an almost dazed expression on his face.
Her eyes glowed with happiness as she smiled beatifically at him. “Isn’t that what mates do, Mac? Don’t they just know instantly that they love their partners and no one else will ever do? I’ve loved you since I was eighteen years old. I didn’t need to speak to you; I didn’t need to know what kind a man you were. I just knew I loved you.”