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RYAN
My world felt completely shattered. I had a son. I was a father. I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
I paced around the lobby of the hotel. Part of me wanted to go back and comfort Tinsley, her pain had been so raw. But the other part of me wanted to rip her a new one. How could she keep my son from me?
I was so conflicted. I didn’t know whether to jump with joy or be completely devastated. The life I once knew was over. Things were different now. I wondered if I could ever forgive her.
I rounded the corner to find Adrienne making her way toward me with a latte in each hand.
“Peace offering,” she said, pushing one of them into my hand. “I heard you’re having a rough morning.”
“Rough doesn’t even begin to cover it,” I moaned. “How much do you know?”
“Ryan, you’re not going to be happy with me, but I’ve known since the day I met her,” Adrienne admitted patting me on the back.
“She told you the day she met you? What the hell? That was weeks ago,” I half shouted.
“No babe, she didn’t have to tell me. You had told me there was a history. Then she showed me that picture of him and I just knew.”
“Okay, but when did she tell you,” I asked again.
“Only a few days ago,” she said. “I tried to get it out of her earlier but this is one secret she has protected for so long that she wouldn’t give in,” Adrienne remarked.
“I don’t get it. Why would she keep him from me? Does she really think that little of me?” I said a sob catching in my throat.
“Oh honey no. She didn’t do any of this because of how she felt about you. She did this because she was in survival mode. She was a twenty-year- old college kid who found out she was pregnant. She did what she had to do to survive.”
“But I would have been there for her,” I whispered. “She didn’t have to do it alone.”
“I know that, and you know that. But you are talking about a scared twenty year old girl, not the powerful woman we know her as today. Hindsight is always 20/20. I know one thing. She was petrified of ruining your career. She told me that herself.”
“I wouldn’t care if I had to bus tables for the rest of my life. I would rather have a son, my son. Why would she do that to me? I don’t know if I can forgive her for what she did”
“I know where you are coming from Ryan. But think about it, really think and let me ask you something. Are you willing to throw it all away now? All those feelings you have for her?” she asked me.
“I don’t want to. I really don’t. But it hurts so bad right now. I just want to leave Utah and run home to him. But the poor kid has no idea who I am.” “Ryan, that’s because you’re ready to be a dad. I want you to think
about it from another perspective. Put yourself in her shoes. Think of what she must have been going through, both then and now. It doesn’t mean you have to accept it. Just think about it,” she urged.
“I will, I just.”
“And one other thought Ryan. If you want to be a part of this kid’s life, which I can already tell that you do, that means you are going to be a part of her life. Whether you want to or not. You’re in each other’s lives now, for the rest of your lives. Maybe you should take some time to figure out what you want that piece to look like,” she said.
Adrienne kissed me on the cheek and left me with my thoughts. I was so overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe I was a dad.
I had no idea how to handle this. Adrienne brought up some really good points. I had to figure out a way to forgive Tinsley. My parents’ divorce had been so awkward for me because they let their problems filter down to me.
I could never forgive myself if I did that to my son. I wanted his life to be what I needed when I was young. I just didn’t know how to make it
work.
There was only one person that I thought might be able to have even an inkling of what I was going through, my own father. Despite my better judgement, I called him.
My dad had never been a pillar of support but he had been trying harder as of late and since he also became a dad to me by surprise I thought maybe, he could give me some insight.
“Ry-guy! How’s that sweet LA weather treating you?” he said as soon as he picked up.
“Hey dad, it’s great. Well, what I mean is, I’m sure it’s great. I’m actually over in Utah right now though for a film festival,” I said stumbling over my words.
“Interesting. I thought those were more for those artsy fartsy films?” he asked snarkily.
“Well, they are but the studio wanted to beef up the press for one of their own so they sent the Falconi team in to drum up publicity. Anyway dad, I have some big news for you.”
“I’m all ears son,” he said, curiosity seeping into his voice. “I just found out that I’m a dad.”
“You’re expecting?” he asked. “With whom? That Dr. Falconi chick?
Didn’t she just have a baby not too long ago?”
“No dad, I’m not expecting. I just found out about a child that I apparently am the father to. His name’s Lucas. He’s seven.”
“Seven, son, I don’t follow. You were just barely out of college seven years ago. Are you telling me you knocked someone up when you were back in Chicago?” he asked incredulously.
I began pacing again. The conversation was getting away from me as they tended to always do with my father.
“Are you sure it’s even yours son? Sounds like some bimbo you used to sleep with is trying to cash in on your stardom to get herself a payday. You better get yourself a DNA test,” he said.
“She’s not a bimbo! And I’ll get a test but there’s no doubt he’s mine, he’s my spitting image. Dad, I am calling to tell you that you are a grandfather. To get some advice not to be berated. I’m freaking out here.”
“I’m sorry son. You know I’ve never been good at this type of thing. Listen if you’re happy, I’m happy. I’m just looking out for your best
interest. The world is full of people looking to chew you up and spit you out. Take your mother for example, she.”
I cut him off. “Dad, you always do this. I’m not calling to talk about mom. Listen, I have to run. When I can arrange it, do you want to meet him?” I asked, counting down the seconds until I could get off the phone.
“Of course. Listen, I love you. I’m sorry I always muck things up.” “I love you too dad,” I said, and I meant it.
Right then and there I knew that no matter what happened between Tinsley and I that I would make things right for Lucas. I wasn’t going to allow what had driven a wedge between my parents and I to get a foothold in my relationship with my son.
Whatever the next steps were, they wouldn’t be easy, but I’d find a way for my boy. He deserved that. I may not have been in his life up to this point, but I would spend the rest of my life making it up to him.