37

37
BRANDON
I wrap my arms tightly around her and press my lips to her bare shoulder. “This is the part where you always leave,” I say.
“I don’t want to go,” she says.
“Then don’t.” She hasn’t made any move to get up yet, hasn’t pulled free of my arms, and I hate the fact that I’m even talking about leaving. I hate that we’re even thinking about it. I want it to be a given that she’ll stay here as long as I want her to. I want her to want that.
If she accepts me as her mate, it will be like that.
Would she accept me? I have to think she would-but if she did, would she only be doing it to give me a crack at becoming alpha? That’s what really worries me. I don’t want to be alpha that way, and I certainly don’t want to be mated to Alicia that way. I want her to choose me because she wants me. A real mate bond, not a fake one for politics.
“I have to go,” she says, but she doesn’t pull away. Not yet. Instead, she snuggles in closer, letting me breathe in her scent. Just being with her is
intoxicating. I don’t have the refractory period I had as a teenager, but I can already feel my cock twitching again, and I think I could get hard for her.
It’s like I said. I’m never, ever going to get enough of her. And if she leaves me now, it’s gonna kill me.
And then, as always, she pulls away. “I have to go,” she says. “The baby.”
“Your sister’s babysitting, Alicia,” I say. “I know it’s hard for you to leave her, but you can trust Kayla with her, can’t you?”
“Of course I trust Kay. More than anyone in the world.”
“Well, so what’s the problem? Let her take care of Emmy for one night.
Stay with me. Please.”
“I really wish I could.”
“If it’s too hard for you to be away, you could bring Emmy here,” I suggest. “I don’t mind. You can set up that little cot of hers in my bedroom, and you and I could crash in the living room. That way you’d always be able to go check on her. Make sure she was all right. Would that make it easier?”
Alicia sighs. “You don’t understand.”
She’s right. I don’t. I know she has a child now, and I know that complicates things, but does it really need to be this complicated? Women with children still live lives. They still find mates, or occasionally just boyfriends. Alicia acts as if she’s being irresponsible every time she and I are together, and I just don’t think that’s true.
Alicia’s already hunting for her clothes. I sigh as she pulls her shorts on and sits up. This is my least favorite part-watching her cover herself up again, not knowing how long it’s going to be until I get to see her naked again. I live for those moments at this point.
She pulls her shirt over her head. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says.
“But will you really?” I ask her. “I’m not going to come over and have you act like there’s nothing between us?”
“I won’t do that.”
“Because you have done that.”
“I know,” Alicia says. “It’ll be different this time. I promise.”
Fuck, I really want to trust that promise. I’ve believed things could be good between us so many times. But she’s saying this time is different.
I get to my feet and take her in my arms quickly, before she can make her escape. “I love you,” I say.
She bursts out laughing. “Is that funny?”
Alicia controls herself. “It’s not,” she says. “Of course it’s not. It’s just that you got to say it first.”
I smile. “You can say it now if you want to.”
“Of course I love you,” she says. “Do you know how hard it’s been keeping that to myself?”
“You never had to.” Doesn’t she know how much I’ve wanted to hear her say this? How even now, it feels like I can barely keep my feet on the ground, I’m so elated?
But she shakes her head and says, “You don’t understand.” Again. Again, I don’t understand.
But she loves me.
“I’m going to ask you again to be my mate,” I tell her.
“You’re just going to ask me? Here and now?” I’m stunned. I never thought this would actually happen. I’ve been actively trying to avoid this. And now I’m face to face with it.
“No. I’m not asking you now. But I’m telling you that it’s coming, so you
can tell me if it’s not what you want. You can tell me not to ask if you think you’re going to say no.”
“Then you won’t be rejected,” she says, like she’s got me all figured out.
But she’s wrong. “You’re worth the risk of rejection,” I tell her. “I just don’t want you to run away again. Even if I’m not what you want, I want you to stay. I want you to stay as my mate, but if you can’t or won’t, then stay as my friend.”
Alicia closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “I’ll have to think about it,” she says quietly. “I can’t promise anything.”
“That’s fine,” I say, even though I’m dying for an answer. “Think about it.
I’ll ask you soon enough.” “I do love you,” she says.
And even though I don’t understand why, I do understand what she’s telling me.
It will have to be good enough for now.