14

14
ALICIA
“Alicia, can I talk to you?”
I look up from the book I’ve been reading. Kayla’s standing in the door to my room, and the expression on her face immediately clues me in to the fact that this is going to be a serious talk. My always carefree, fun-loving sister looks like she’s just been given terrible news.
Obviously, I’m alarmed. “What’s wrong?” I demand. “Is it Dad? Is he okay?”
“No, no,” she says quickly. “Dad’s fine. Everything’s fine. It’s just…well, I had a question about…about Emmy.”
“Is she okay?” My heart races. I’ve been expecting Emmy’s first shift any day now. If it happened last night while I was out getting laid, I’m going to feel like a shit mother.
I get to my feet and go over to the playpen, crouching down beside it to examine her.
Emmy stares back at me. “Hi, Mama.”
“Hey, baby.” I do my best to keep my voice even, but I don’t think I’m that successful. I pick her up and carry her back over to the bed. I always feel better when I have her close.
“Please calm down, Alicia,” Kayla says. “Nothing’s wrong. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Everything’s okay?”
“Everything’s just fine. Seriously. I was just wondering if…” She takes a deep breath.
“Spit it out,” I say anxiously.
“You said her father was your ex-boyfriend, right?” My anxiety ratchets up. “Yeah, that’s right.” “Well…are you sure about that?”
“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t I be sure who my baby’s father is?” “I’m not… I’m not criticizing you,” she says quickly. “I was just thinking.
She’s two years old?” “Yeah.”
“So that means… she was conceived around the time you were last here.”
My heart beats faster. She’s putting the pieces together. “Around then. I met Chad right after that.”
“Sure. It’s just…I didn’t see it until he showed up at the door to pick you up. But haven’t you ever noticed how much Emmy looks like Brandon?”
“She doesn’t look like him,” I say automatically.
“Yeah, she does,” Kayla says. “It’s the eyes, mostly. They’re the same shape and color. You’ve really never noticed this? Do you have a picture of your ex? Maybe we could compare.”
“Kayla.”
“And she’s got his nose, too,” Kayla says. “That’s a little more subtle. I
wouldn’t have noticed it if I wasn’t already paying attention because of the eyes, but I was looking at her after you guys left, and she really looks like him.” She hesitates. “Did you sleep with Brandon, Alicia? When you were here three years ago?”
I sigh. “You can’t tell anyone.”
She claps a hand over her mouth. “Holy shit. She is his. And you fucking hooked up with Brandon!?!!!”
“Can we please not talk about this right now?”
She looks down at Emmy, who’s turning the pages of the book I was reading when she came in. “She’s not following any of it.”
“I don’t want him to know,” I say. “I don’t want anyone to know.” “Why don’t you want him to know? Emmy deserves to have a father.”
“She’s not going to, though,” I say. “We’re not going to be staying with the pack. Eventually, we’re both going to go back home. If Brandon knows about her…I don’t know what’ll happen. For all I know, he might try to take her away from me. Or worse Lonnie could go psycho if he finds out and try to ruin all of us!!!”
“I don’t think he’d do that. Brandon anyway, but Lonnie would lose his shit!”
“You don’t think Brandon would. But you can’t be sure. He’s committed to pack life. What if he doesn’t want his daughter raised in the human world? What if he thinks he knows better? You must see how I can’t take that chance.”
“Fuck,” Kayla says quietly. “I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like you have a good option.”
“My good option is the one that lets me keep my daughter,” I say. “I’m not going to take a chance on anything else. I can’t afford to risk it.”
“But what if you’re missing out on something great?” Kayla asks. “What if Brandon would be a really good father, and you and Emmy never get to find that out?”
“Well, that would be unfortunate,” I say. “But I made this decision a long time ago, Kay. I’m not changing my mind about it now.”
“And you don’t feel any differently now? Being back, seeing him again, that hasn’t changed your mind?”
I hesitate.
The truth is that seeing Brandon again has made me feel some things I haven’t felt in the past. For the first time, I’m feeling guilty about keeping them apart. Brandon has been surprisingly kind to me since I’ve been here, and in return, I’m lying to him about the fact that he has a daughter. I’m also keeping someone who seems to be a decent man out of Emmy’s life. Kayla’s right: she does deserve a father. That father is right here, and now he knows she exists, and I’m still keeping them apart.
But I can’t bring myself to do anything else. Even though I like Brandon, I just can’t be sure of him. What if he’s loyal to Lonnie? Lonnie hates me and would do anything to fuck up my life. If Brandon’s loyal to him, that would mean Lonnie could have him working against me.
And then there’s Deidre to consider.
She’s not with the pack now. She’s off at the Boneyard, the place where druggy shifters go to get wasted. But she could come back at any time, and if she found me here with a baby, it would get ugly.
And if she knew it was Brandon’s baby…Shit, I can’t even imagine what she might do.
Torment us? Probably.
Try to take Emmy from me? Likely. She might even try to kill her. She wants Lonnie to be the only continuation of my father’s bloodline. Her existence would be a threat to her son.
No. It’s just been me and Emmy from the moment I knew she was growing inside me. We’re a pair. I can’t let anyone else into that.
“You have to keep this a secret,” I tell my sister. ” I don’t want anyone knowing who her father really is, not even the rest of our family.”
Kayla sighs. “I think you might be making a mistake,” she says. “But I guess it’s your mistake to make.”
“So you won’t tell?”
“I’d never betray your trust, you know that. If you want it to stay secret, then it will stay secret. Plus I’d do anything to protect this child from Lonnie.”
I sigh. “Thank you,” I say. “That means everything to me.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kayla says. “To tell you the truth, I don’t think anyone else is going to guess. Dad definitely won’t. He’s just not that alert right now. And Lonnie and Pat aren’t looking at her as closely as I am. Neither one of them knows you were out with Brandon that night three years ago.”
“Do you think Brandon might guess?” I ask. “Not if he never sees her,” Kayla says seriously.
I nod. Keeping Emmy hidden feels wrong. But the idea of exposing her feels even worse. And with those as my only options, I’ll go with the lesser evil.
Brandon never needs to see her.