Alessia
I lay by the pool on the roof of the Bellissimo and watch the sun set. A waiter brings me a Caesar salad, but I set it on the table beside me untouched. Eating is nothing but a chore these days.
Sondra floats in the water, the only place she wants to be with her big round belly. Nico had a private pool recently installed up here for his wife and sister-in-law. I’m guessing he and Stefano couldn’t stand their women being ogled by the public at the guest pools.
My brothers brought the best nephrologist in the U. S. with them to Russia when they came for me. I was transported on a private jet with the million dollar surgeon looking after me. My recovery has been perfect.
They brought me to Vegas instead of Chicago to recuperate. They figured at the Bellissimo, I’d have a host of employees available to wait on me hand and foot. Or maybe they just wanted to provide ample distraction from my heartache. My mom came too and she’s been doing her best to draw me out of my depression. But I can’t shake it.
It’s been three months and I’m mostly healed from the surgery, and I’ve been cleared for exercise. My body didn’t reject Vlad’s kidney. My heart hasn’t rejected it either.
The fact that he was a match feels like fate. Like I was destined to be saved by Vlad and his kidney.
It’s stupid, but every time I think of a part of him being inside me, keeping me healthy, the noise and anxiety that’s been eating at me since I left Russia diminishes.
I haven’t heard a single word from Vlad.
No doubt my brothers had something to do with that. But still.
It hurts.
I know I meant something to him. I was more than a monetary transaction or revenge. He gave himself to me. Opened up. Changed.
And I freaking miss him.
I miss the incredible sex. I miss our walks to the lake. I miss the energy-the way I always felt watched, appreciated, admired.
I miss Mika, although he thankfully reached out on Facebook, so we’ve been chatting. I started tutoring him again, which is the only bright spot to my days. I also made a generous donation to the orphanage in Volgograd, and when they sent the thank you letter, the director wrote: We were astonished and grateful for your additional gift. Your husband’s generosity has already made a huge difference.
Nico comes out on the deck. He’s without the suit jacket but still looks overdressed on the deck of the pool.
Sondra beams at him from the water and he walks over and crouches by the side. When he cups behind her head and pulls her part way out for a kiss, I look away to give them privacy.
I love seeing my brothers in love, but every kiss or touch I witness reminds me of Vlad. And that ache hasn’t diminished with time. It’s grown bigger.
Nico comes over to the chaise lounge where I’m sprawled, and I keep my head ducked down in the latest Tessa Bailey romance I’m reading. Even the fictitious couples falling in love depresses me. I’m so sick of my family trying to draw me into conversation. It’s more painful than wallowing in my own misery.
He pulls up a chair and sits beside me.
Damn. Here we go.
“Tell me,” he says.
I put down the book and lower my sunglasses. “What?”
“What you’re thinking about? Vlad?”
It’s the first time anyone’s mentioned his name since I got back. It’s always been the stronzo Russian or more colorful Italian obscenities.
Tears pop in my eyes before I can even draw a breath.
Nico’s face turns sympathetic. “You love him.”
My chin wobbles. I nod.
“He loves you, too.”
I look away because it hurts too much to hear. If he loved me so much, why hasn’t he come for me? Why didn’t he even try to visit me in the hospital in Russia? Or communicate with me since I’ve been back?
He may love me, but he’s definitely let me go.
“I knew it from that first video call,” Nico says. “I saw the way he looked at you. And when you said he hadn’t hurt you, I knew I was right. If he wanted my money, he would’ve made it short and sweet. Collected the money and returned you. Or killed you. But he wouldn’t take you to Russia to be his bride. That was fascination on his part.”
My nose stings. A tear leaks down my face.
“You know about Stockholm Syndrome?”
“Nico, shut up.” I glare at him, pulling off my Chanel sunglasses and wiping a tear.
He holds his hands out in surrender. “I’m just saying-your attachment might be that. Or it could be love. Hard to say without seeing him again, I suppose.”
My mouth drops open. Heart starts thumping hard.
Is he suggesting what I think he’s suggesting? The idea revs every cell in my body back to life.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crumpled envelope. “He sent you a letter. I opened it first to be sure it wouldn’t hurt you.”
“Asshole!” I snatch up the envelope. “You don’t get to read my mail.”
Sondra looks over from the water, surprised at my raised voice. I’m sure she doesn’t often hear anyone speak that way to Nico. He’s the type who rules his casino with an iron fist, slaying errant employees with just a look.
Right now he’s giving me the totally unapologetic, I do what I want because I’m in charge face.
I glower at him, but it’s not really the fact that he read the letter. It’s the effect of holding a letter from Vlad in my hand that has my emotions swirling. I stand up and gather my things, shoving the letter in my purse. No way I’m reading it with him sitting there studying me, even if he already knows what it says.
“Okay,” Nico says, also standing. “If you need to see him, we’ll arrange it. You know, for closure or whatever.”
I go still, considering this offer.
Closure. I’m definitely missing closure.
But I’m not sure that’s even what I want.
But yeah, the mere suggestion of seeing Vlad again has my heart racing.
I swallow and nod. “Okay, thanks.” Suddenly sorry for my outburst, I lean over for a cheek kiss. “Good night, Nico.”
“It’s not bedtime,” he observes.
“I’m going to tutor Mika, he should just be waking up.” I look at my phone. “I’ll call down for dinner.”
“All right. Make sure you do,” he calls to my retreating back. “I see you didn’t touch this salad.”
I roll my eyes. “I already have one mother, don’t need another,” I call back.
I take the elevator to my floor and let myself in the room. I pull out the letter and hold it with trembling fingers.
But I’m not ready to open it. Because once I’ve read it, it will be over. My only contact with Vlad.
And I don’t want it to be over.
So I slip the unread letter under my pillow to read before I go to bed, then order a burger and fries from room service.
Mika video calls me right at 7:30 p. m.-6:30 a. m. his time. He must set his alarm to wake up early enough for this. It’s very sweet.
The whole time we’ve been talking, we’ve stuck to his studies. I don’t mention Vlad. He doesn’t mention Vlad. I guess I feel like hearing anything would kill me.
Tonight, it feels different, though. Now that Nico opened the floodgates by bringing him up. Bringing me the letter.
Now that Vlad is fresh in my mind and the idea of seeing him is dangling in front of me.
“Hey, Mika,” I greet him, sitting down at my desk and adjusting the laptop screen to see him. His hair is rumpled and he still looks sleepy. “I graded your homework and sent it back to you. Open it up and we’ll go through it together.”
He clicks around on the computer and then nods when he’s ready.
I go through his English lesson, then math and science.
“Mika?” I ask when we’re through.
“Da?”
I rub my lips together, my heart starting to drum again. “How is Vlad?” My voice sounds strangled.
To my horror, Mika’s face turns haunted. He shakes his head. “Not good.”
I sit forward. “What do you mean not good?”
He shrugs, like usual. “Not good. He…” He glances toward the door. When he turns back, he screws his face up. “He’s had trouble-since the surgery.” He motions to his back. “It didn’t heal right. He’s pretty sick.”
“What? Christ, Mika, why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” My blood slams through my veins double-time. “Oh my God, has he been to the doctors? What are they doing for him?”
Mika appears slightly alarmed by my reaction. “Well… I don’t know exactly.”
“Of course you don’t.” I tap my lips. “Where is he now? At home? Are you in Volgograd?” It’s a stupid question. I know they’re in Volgograd because I can see Mika’s room in the background. I’m just in panic mode now.
“Yes. I think maybe you should come,” Mika says. “Take care of him until he gets better. I mean, if you are well now.”
My nose burns. “Yeah, I’m better. I’m much better, actually.” I can’t believe Vlad is suffering because he gave his kidney to me. The thought horrifies me. All this time I thought he hadn’t contacted me because he was through with me. Like he always said he would be eventually. Or because he wanted to grant me the freedom I continuously demanded. Not because he was unwell. Because he had complications as a result of saving my life.
Jesus.
“Okay, Mika. I’m going to look into coming out there. Don’t say anything to Vlad, okay?” I know all about alpha males not wanting to show weakness. He probably wouldn’t want me to see him like that.
Mika appears greatly relieved. He nods quickly. “I won’t. Will you really come? When?”
“I don’t know. I’ll look into it now and get back to you. Remember-don’t say anything.”
“I won’t,” Mika swears.
When I end the video call, I’m suddenly famished. When I got back to the States, my family insisted on putting me on an insulin pump which continuously delivers the medicine, so I don’t have to do shots anymore and my blood sugar remains steady. I hate it-it makes me feel weak and fragile and I can’t stand having something attached to my body.
Maybe I just miss Vlad taking care of me.
The whole time I eat my dinner and get ready for bed, I’m thinking about the letter under my pillow. Finally, when I can’t stand it a moment longer, I pull it out and read it.
It’s written in longhand-funny that my tech-savvy Russian didn’t just send me an email. How very old-fashioned of him.
Dear Alessia,
I’m sorry.
For everything. For abducting you and bringing you to Russia. Keeping you from your family, whom you love so dearly. For not being there to check your blood sugar the night your kidney failed.
But especially for losing my temper outside Victor’s. Forgive me. I lumped you in with Sabina, but you two are nothing alike. She cares only for herself. You care for everyone around you. You bring love and joy everywhere you go, and I miss your beautiful face every day.
I make no claim on you. You are free, of course. I just wanted you to know I suffer everyday knowing I hurt you. If I could take it back, I would, zaika.
Please take good care of yourself.
You have my kidney, but also my heart.
I only beg that you do not hate me.
Yours,
Vlad
I wipe my wet cheeks. It’s perfect. Simple and direct. He said everything I needed to hear.
And he’s unwell.
I pick up my cell and call Nico.
“Alessia.”
“I’m going to Russia.”
I hear Nico sigh. “Not alone, you’re not.”
“Actually, yes.” I’ve thought it over. I remember what Vlad said. And I don’t think he would purposely hurt my brothers if they showed up in Russia, but he may still have orders in place from before. And I’m not planning on telling him I’m coming. “It’s not safe for you.”
“Oh, and it’s safe for you?” Nico demands.
“Completely.” I’m not sure it’s true. I know I’m safe with Vlad. I don’t know about the rest of the brotherhood, but I’m willing to bank on Vlad’s power getting me safe passage to him.
Nico curses in Italian-a long string of impressive profanity. Then he says, “Not without clearance from the nephrologist. You call him first. And if he does give you clearance, I need to hear from you twice a day or I’m coming out there to get you. Capiche?”
“I’m booking a ticket to Volgograd now,” I tell him. “I’ll text you the details.”