I had only been home 5 minutes, when there was a knock at my door. I had been headed for the shower, and so I threw on my robe, and answered.
I was more than a little surprised to open the door and find Beth standing there, fidgeting, standing on first one foot, then the other.
“Beth! Hi, um, come in. Is something wrong?” I stood to one side to allow her entrance.
She stood there a moment, looking past me into the room, indecisive as to whether to accept my invitation or not.
“Are you alone?”
“Yes, just getting ready to shower – sorry for my wardrobe.”
She decided, and stepped past me into the apartment. “You haven’t done much packing yet, have you?”
“Nope. Been pretty busy. But I’ve taken the whole week off, and will be alternating between working on the new house, packing and moving.” I closed the door, and stepped further into the apartment. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Yeah, something with vodka.”
Beth didn’t drink. Never had in my presence. She was definitely underage, I didn’t think she was even interested. I had been thinking along the lines of a soda or water.
“Ok, make yourself at home.” I slipped into the kitchen, pulled the Stoli out of the freezer, and filled an iced-tea glass with orange juice and a double-shot.
While fixing the drink I continued talking to her in the living room. “Thanks again for helping watch the kids today. You did a great job; it would drive me crazy.”
“Oh, it’s not so bad, you just have to keep them busy, and organized, otherwise they find too much trouble to get into on their own.”
I handed the drink to her, and had a glass of ice water for myself. I’d had enough beer at the party, and was a bit fuzzy as it was. I sat on the couch next to her, about a foot of space between us.
“Jack?”
“Yeah?”
“If we were to continue going out, you wouldn’t stop sleeping with Debbie, would you?”
I thought it interesting she didn’t mention Karen. “Right now Beth, I don’t think I’m really looking for any kind of relationship, with building the house, and work, and the commitments to Debbie and Karen, I’m just sort of tied up.”
“That didn’t answer the question. If you and I were going out, you’d still sleep with Debbie, wouldn’t you?”
“For now, I’m going to sleep with her on occasion. Yes.”
She sat back, absorbing what I’d said, and took a deep drink from her glass. “Why? If you were getting some from me, don’t you think I could keep you happy?”
I scooted closer, placing my hand on her arm. “Beth, I’m sure you could make me very happy, and I could do the same for you. It’s just the situation we’re in now. I’ve committed to providing these girls with a roof, a stable situation, and a male figure around the house. They’ve agreed to provide a nice home environment, help with expenses, and keep me warm at night.
“Karen can roll with the punches, but Debbie’s really been through the wringer. I don’t want to be yet another guy using her and lying to her. I’d really like to see if I could help her regain some confidence in guys in general. And I have to admit; there’s something about her I absolutely can’t resist. Even if I told you that I was willing to be monogamous, I know that I’d probably screw up and do what I had to, to get back in bed with her.” I was trying to be honest. Trying to do the right thing.
“I know her situation, Jack. We talked a lot about what she’d been through. You know you’ll probably never get her head back on straight. She doesn’t trust men at all. And that includes you, you know.”
I think she liked throwing that in my face. “I’d guessed as much. I don’t think we’ve done a lot to earn her trust. I’d still like to work on that. I’m sorry.”
She drank some more of her drink. Then she set it down, and turned towards me. “I thought you liked me.” She reached out and placed her hand on mine.
“Beth, I’m crazy about you in a lot of ways. You are so very pretty, and so easy for me to talk to, and your innocence is so enticing, but I don’t want to mislead you or treat you any worse than I have. You deserve better than what I have to offer at this moment.” I couldn’t resist her being so close. I reached out and stroked her hair with my hand.
She leaned into my hand. Then she pinned it against the side of her head with her own hand, and turned her face to kiss my palm.
“Don’t you still want me?” She looked at me with those huge doe eyes, almost breaking my heart.
“So bad that I can taste it. I’m just trying to do the right thing.” With my thumb I caressed the side of her mouth, while she held my hand against her cheek. She opened her mouth and captured it between her teeth, tickling it with her tongue.
“Are you trying to kick me out of your life?” Her eyes were welling up with moisture.
“No! I mean, I…shit, I don’t know what I mean. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt Debbie. I don’t want to lead you on or lie to you. I’m just messed up right now.”
“Forget about everything else for the moment. I want to be with you. Don’t you want to be with me?” She sounded so intense, so sincere, so young.
“I can’t just stop what I’m doing. I’m going to stay with the girls for now.”
“I know. I still want you. For tonight at least, can you be with me?”
I hated to see her pleading. “Beth. You don’t want this. Throwing yourself away on someone like me.”
“You are the only one I’ve ever really wanted to be with. I want to be with you. Tonight. And I want to be in your life, however I can. I hate myself for it. I just want to be with you, so bad. I can’t sleep just thinking about you. I keep thinking about you with them. You with her, like that, like I saw you. Please, Jack.”