Maybe it was just the beers talking. The idea seemed beyond crazy to me. I mean, Aunt Marie was always teasing, but this was a new extreme. Especially since Mom would be involved too. But Mom and Aunt Marie seemed to think it the most natural solution in the world.
Colin, on the other hand, seemed to be even more shocked by the concept than me. He kept looking back and forth between our mothers, the mere idea of what they were talking about short-circuiting his brain.
I might as well mention it here, since we’re not holding anything back. Colin’s got it bad for Mom. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s undeniable. He tries to hide it, but in one weak drunken moment, he confessed it all to me. He’d spied on her several times, hell, he’d practically worn a path through the bushes to her bedroom window. He was always snapping pictures of her on his phone, like we couldn’t tell what he was up to. He even asked if I had any naked pictures of her. Right. Like I’d share them with him if I did?
It was kind of a family inside joke, but I don’t think anyone but me understood just how bad a crush he had on Mom.
As you can imagine, this discussion had him breaking out in a cold sweat.
Mom rubbed her hand in my hair. “Whaddaya say, Jeremy? It won’t be that bad. We can take a break if it gets too uncomfortable or your legs fall asleep.”
My mouth was as dry as the west Texas wind when I finally agreed. “Sure. We’ll be fine. It’s not like you’re Mrs. Wilson.” Mrs. Wilson was our 250 lb VERY friendly neighbor. She’d tried to sit on my lap on the front porch, once. It was a disaster of epic proportions, worthy of its own tale. But not right now.
Aunt Marie giggled. “Hardly. I don’t think the two of us combined could make one of her.” She was right of course. Mom was a fanatic about her weight, dieting like crazy any time the scale inched over 110 lbs. Aunt Marie might have had her by a few pounds, most of that filling out her bikini top at the moment. The image of her naked tits flashed before my eyes. Damn. I looked at her chest again, trying to make out her protruding nipples. Rats. I guess she’d warmed up.
“It’s settled then. Let’s get this show on the road,” Mom said.
It took another 10 minutes to unload the one side, and reload the other. Somehow, barely, we got it all inside, although we struggled to close the rear passenger door. We reorganized a few things, so the top items wouldn’t blow away in the wind now that the top was down, and tied them down so they wouldn’t shift too much during the drive. It was getting dark, and we knew it would be late by the time we made it home. Mom and Aunt Marie had finished off the last of their beers, while Colin and I had long ago emptied the one each we were allowed. Dad, on the other hand, was still working on a Red-Bull, looking to stay awake and alert for the long drive ahead.
With the vehicle fully packed it became obvious how crowded the backseat would be. There was almost no leg room, and the space was narrower than either front seat. Mom and Aunt Marie were whispering to one side, and then Mom came forward. “So, who will it be, Colin? You want your Mom back there with you, or would you rather have me sit on your lap for a couple of hours?”
Damn, Mom! Tease the boy much? He’d probably have a brain aneurysm if she kept it up.
It turned out Dad had serious issues in that department.
“I think these boys are a little too old to have their momma’s sitting in their laps for that long,” he said in his ‘and-that’s-final’ tone.
“But it’s Ok for their aunt’s to sit on their laps?” Mom asked pointedly.
“Hell. I don’t like any of this, but given those two options, I’d say yeah. It’s better for their aunt to sit on their lap.”
Mom rolled her eyes at him, but she knew him as well as I did. Hell, who am I kidding? She knew him a whole lot better. This one was a lost cause. She could argue ’til she was blue in the face, but he wasn’t going to budge on this issue. Dad was like that. Mom got her way better than 95% of the time, but on those rare occasions that he had his mind made up about something, you’d be better off waiting for the Mississippi to start flowing north than him changing his mind.
Aunt Marie stayed out of the line of fire, and waited for them to come to a decision. Sexy and smart. Dad didn’t say a word, he just stood there with that dark look on his face, and his arms crossed.
Like I said, Mom knows Dad, what makes him tick, and how to play him. After just a few seconds, we watched her walk over to him, and put her hands on his arm. “Of course, Dear. I’m sure you know best about these kinds of things. They’re not little boys anymore.” She tugged his arm and got him walking with her, away from the rest of us, while they chatted back and forth. It didn’t look like they were arguing at all, but when they turned back toward us, Mom was wearing that grin of hers that told me she figured she’d forfeited that battle, but was winning the war.
Aunt Marie was standing near me and when they walked away she put her arm around my waist. “You don’t mind too much if I sit on your lap, do you Jeremy? I’ll try not to make it too uncomfortable for you.”
I turned to my Aunt and put my hands under her arms. I lifted her up, getting her to squeal softly, while I gave her a little shake. “Heck, I figure you can’t way much more than 150. That shouldn’t be any problem.”
Aunt Marie glared at me, smacking me on the arm. “150! You take that back! I don’t weigh a pound over 110.”
“Really? Mom weighs about 110, and I’m pretty certain you have her by a good 20 lbs or so.” I gave her another little shake for emphasis, which set her breasts to swaying, hypnotizing me.
In reality, other than their breasts and butts, they were so similar in size and shape it was unlikely their weight varied by more than a few ounces. But Aunt Marie was just too easy to tease. And she had it coming.
“20 pounds!” she shrieked. “Do I look like I weigh 20 lbs more than Alice? Really?”
Mom and Dad were approaching and it only took Mom seconds to see what was up. “Jeremy! Stop teasing your old aunt. There’s no way that she’s more than 10 pounds heavier than me.”