I still had visions of Aunt Marie’s amazing boobage on my brain. It was like sunspots; I just couldn’t shake it. Of course it didn’t help when she snuck up on me, and put me in a head lock, while I was drying off. Getting my face smashed into her breast was too strong a reminder of what I’d just seen.
I love my Aunt Marie. As far as sister’s go, she’s definitely the fun one. She’s doted on me and spoiled me for as long as I remember. She’d always tussled with me, and it still drew Dad’s ire that we’d never outgrown it. She had a way of talking to me, when I was younger, that made me feel older, more mature. When things got hairy, I’d sometimes call her and talk it out with her. She was a great listener.
But in the last few years, especially since she split up with husband number three and spent so much time around us, I couldn’t help but notice her as a woman. Give me a break, she was ridiculously sexy. You’d feel the same in my shoes. Trust me on this one.
Mom, on the other hand had always been the stable one, the reasonable one, the conservative one. Aunt Marie would show up at our house in Daisy Duke’s and a halter top. Mom? Mom dressed like a Mom. Aunt Marie would sneak me a beer, Mom would ground me for having alcohol on my breath. Mom set a 10 o’clock curfew on my dates, even as a senior. Aunt Marie made sure I had a rubber.
Don’t get me wrong. Mom was a great mom, and I loved my family like nobody’s business. But every boy should have an Aunt Marie in his life.
The head lock was too much. I scooped her up in my arms, and motor-boated her cleavage. She laughed hysterically.
Unfortunately, Mom, who was only about 5 feet away, unbeknownst to me, didn’t see it the same way.
“Jeremy! Stop that!” She spoke sharply, through clenched teeth.
The sound of her voice froze me in place, then I set my Aunt carefully down. You could see the tears in her eyes from laughing so hard.
“She started it,” I argued weakly.
“And you think that’s the appropriate way to end it? With your aunt?”
Aunt Marie tried to come to my rescue. “It’s a boob day, Sissy. No big deal. You said so yourself.”
Mom was caught. “Alright. I get it. Playin’ around. But think, Jeremy. What if your father walked up when you were doing that? What then?”
“He’d have to wait his turn,” I quipped. Sometimes my mouth moved faster than my brain.
Mom stared at me, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. She finally just glared at Aunt Marie shaking her finger at her. “You! You’re a bad influence.” Then she stomped away.
Aunt Marie almost choked holding back her laughter. “I can’t believe you sometimes, Jeremy. You’re so like your father at your age, it scares me.”
“Like Dad?”
“He was just as impetuous, mouthy and confident as you. Jesus, he was something.” She had a far off look in her eye. “Your Mom won that one, I’ll give her that much.”
I put my arm around my diminutive aunt’s narrow waist, and tugged her along. “We better get going, no telling what Mom would think we’re up to, if we linger longer.”
“No telling what we’d get up to either,” she teased, goosing me.
“Aunt Marie!” I said, jumping.
“Just keeping you on your toes,” she laughed, running away from me so I couldn’t exact my revenge. Rotten thing.
* * *
The Jeep Wrangler Rubicon is a decent-sized vehicle. But in this case, not even close to big enough.
“It’ll never all fit,” Mom continued to argue.
“It’ll fit. It’s like a puzzle, we just have to find the right combination,” Dad argued.
But Mom was right. Five adults and a pile of gear nearly 6 feet high was too much for the old Jeep.
Aunt Marie was the first to suggest collapsing the seat behind the driver. “It’ll be a tight squeeze, but maybe we can get the rest in. You’ll have to sit three up front and two in back. Someone’s going to have to ride on the console.”
“Damn it!” Dad growled, re-adjusting some of the gear in the rear. “Nobody’s going to be able to sit on the console for over 2 hours.”
Mom had a different solution. One I never would have expected to hear from her. “I can sit on Jeremy’s lap,” she suggested. “If he gets too tired we can take a break, and Colin and Marie can take the front seat.”
We were still walking around half-dressed, although I had a t-shirt on with my boxers, and the sisters both had cover-ups, which mostly covered up. Still, looking over at Mom dressed in her bikini, and thinking about her sitting on my lap for 2 hours was a little disturbing. Had to keep my thoughts calm. The boxers wouldn’t do a very good job of camouflaging my excitement if things got any worse down there.
Dad grunted, and we tried out Aunt Marie’s solution. We soon realized that even with the seat behind the driver collapsed, we still had a lot of gear outside. He was struggling to squeeze the largest suitcase sideways between the front seats, resting on the console, while leaving enough room to access the gear shifter. Even that was a poor fit, pushing the soft top upward to the point where it looked like it might tear.
It was obvious to everyone but my obstinate father, we still weren’t going to make it. “Fuck it!” Dad growled. “Let’s just leave some of this crap behind, and we’ll get it in a couple of weeks.”
Now I knew he was getting frustrated. He rarely swore.
Aunt Marie struggled to be the voice of reason. “C’mon Harold, I think we’re almost there. If we lay down the other seat in back, instead, I think it’ll fit.”
I tried to be helpful. “The night’s warm. We could ride with the top down. Stack things a little higher. And the suitcase will fit then.”
Dad looked tired. It had been a long day. We’d been up since 4:00 a. m. “That seat behind mine is barely wide enough to fit one person, never mind two.”
Aunt Marie wasn’t giving up. “I guess the boys will just have to suffer through two hours of having their Moms sit on their laps. It’ll save you wasting a full day coming back here in a couple of weeks, not to mention a $100 worth of gas.” She turned to me and Colin. “Y’all reckon your legs can survive two old ladies sitting on ’em for a couple of hours?”