I settle for a pale pink turtle neck and denim jeans before lacing up my converse. My hair is resting on my shoulders in soft waves and I exhale deeply as I sit up straight. I can hear the laughter bubbling away in the living room however all I can feel inside of me is dread. I don’t know how Brody and Jedd are going to handle being in the same room with one another. I haven’t seen Brody since last night and the thought of it causes my hands to tremble in my lap.
I decide to suck it up because I can’t avoid either of them forever. I stand up, wiping my sweaty palms against my jeans before heading for the door. As I make my way towards the living room, the chattering quietens and everyone turns to face me. My eyes scan over each body and I feel my heart drop to the pit of my stomach as I realise Brody isn’t here.
He’s gone.
“Hey guys,” I sat quietly, trying to disguise the disappointment sprawled across my features. Tia shoots me an apologetic look but I disregard it because I can’t help but blame myself. I allowed my walls to crumble back down when it came to Brody and now, he’d disappeared on me again.
Trent gives me a small smile before turning and continuing his conversation with his friends. Jedd is staring intently at me, his eyes flickering between anger and sympathy. I swallow the lump trapped inside my throat and head for the kitchen, desperately needing to hydrate my parched throat. I hear footsteps follow me and I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing they’d leave me alone.
“Bella, I can’t help but feel responsible.”
Jedd’s voice is quiet, laced with guilt. I turn towards him, shaking my head in disagreement.
“You didn’t force him to leave, he did that on his own accord.” I respond, masking over the hurt in my voice. Jedd takes a step forward, pulling out a small gift wrapped box in his hands. The wrapping paper is jet black, covered in metallic silver stars. My eyes widen and I feel my stomach somersault. Stars.
“He left this for you.”
“What is it?” I whisper, the words leaving my mouth instantly. Jedd remains silent and I slowly reach out, my hands visibly shaking. The paper feels smooth underneath my skin and I can’t tear my my eyes off the stars. Brody’s words ring through through my mind, the words he spoke on our first official date. The day I confessed my love for him.
“One day Bella, I’ll buy you your own star. Every time you look up into the sky, I want you to find it and think of me.”
If only he knew how literal I would take his words. Stars were once a beauty to me, a symbol of comfort. Since he broke up with me, I can’t look up at a dazzling night sky without feeling pain. I grieve for the memories that flood back to me every time I see a glistening star.
I take a step back, my eyes fixed on the little gift inside my hands. Jedd doesn’t say a word and turns his back on me before disappearing. I’m left alone with nothing but a gift, a gift from Brody. Before I over think my actions, I begin to peel the paper away. A small black box greets me and for a minute or two, I stare at it.
It begins to blur in my vision before I decide enough is enough and open it up. The quietest of gasps escapes my lips as my eyes settle on a beautiful silver chain. It ends with a tiny pendant star on the end, a bright green emerald taking pride of place inside. The green instantly reminds me of Brody’s eyes and I feel a warmth creep up my cheeks.
He left me a gift but he didn’t stay for my birthday?
“Wow, that’s cute.” Tia says, appearing behind me. I whirl around and nod my head slowly, my fingers travelling over the dainty chain. Minutes of silence pass between us and I realise my lips are stretched out into a ghost of a smile.
“Is that from Brody?” Tia questions quietly and I nod my head, confirming her question.
“Why a star?” She asks, turning to head for the refrigerator. I carry on staring down at the pretty necklace, the green emerald shining brightly at its new owner.
“He said he’d buy me my own star one day.” I whisper, tears pricking the back of my eyes. “He finally did it.” I murmur softly, my fingers trailing over the green emerald stone.
*****
The weekend passes by in a quick blur. A blur fun of laughter, fun, decent food and good company. Trent and Tia have grown closer than ever and even Jedd seems to be getting along with my friends. The absence of Brody fades away inside my mind but the silver star chain remains permanently around my neck. Every now and then, I reach up, my fingers trailing down the smooth silver and resting over the star. I question whether he left because he knew the awkward tension between him and Jedd could possibly ruin my birthday weekend.
“Hey Bells,” Jedd smiles, throwing himself down beside me. He’s clutching a beer in his hand and his hair is damp from the shower. I smile back at him, tucking my legs underneath me on the couch. The fire is crackling loudly, warmth spreading throughout the cabin. The flames flicker across the walls, creating shadows and shapes. I reach over and pull a tartan blanket over me, sinking further into the cushions.
“Eighteen tomorrow, how do you feel?” He asks, leaning back and placing his free arm on the arm rest. His eyes connect with mine and I pause before answering, thinking hard about his question. Eventually I shrug —
“I don’t feel different. I’m simply a year older.”
“I remember when I turned eighteen.” Jedd responds, a small smile stretching across his lips. I playfully roll my eyes.
“It was only a few years ago Grandad. Stop acting like your ancient history.” I tease him. He chuckles quietly under his breath, taking a swig of his beer. I can see that the alcohol is beginning to take effect on him because his eyes turn glossy, a clear sheen covering them.
“You know I don’t mean to be so hard on you, right? It’s only because I care.” He says, his voice growing heavy with emotion. I instantly nod my head, knowing that Jedd’s actions are because he loves me.
“Yeah, I know.”
“I had to grow up without much direction. People tend to take advantage of that and I don’t want you getting hurt Bella. I never want anyone to take advantage of you because I’m your big brother, I’m here for you.”
“I know that Jedd and I’m sorry you didn’t have anyone to lean on.” I respond quietly, feeling guilt stricken. Jedd has always cared for me and I wanted to do it back for him.
“I want you to know that if you decide you want to give Brody another chance, I won’t stand in the way of that.”
His words cause my head to snap up in surprise. I narrow my eyes as I search his features but his eyes appear truthful. I don’t know whether it’s the alcohol playing a part in his emotional outburst or he means it. He holds eye contact with me and eventually I nod slowly, my shoulders slumping in relief.
“Thank you Jedd but I don’t know what I want yet. I don’t know whether I want to give him another chance or not.” I mumble, my fingers automatically finding their way to the chain around my neck. A silence falls upon us as we both sit deep in thought.
“You’re wearing the necklace he got you.” Jedd finally says, reaching up to push the strands of his hair back away from his face. I nod slowly, my throat drying out. I can feel my stomach tighten in knots and my heartbeat beginning to pick up pace. My hand clasps around the little star and I feel it digging into my flesh. That’s when his words dawn on me, really dawn on me.
I’d accepted Brody’s gift which meant subconsciously in the back of my mind, I forgave him. It’s the first time I realised that.
My eyes widen and when I look back up at Jedd, he’s holding out his phone towards me. “Go call him.”