Fifty five
*Freya*
Rafe held me tightly. I allowed myself to feel safe in his embrace for a perfect moment. Then with a surge of strength, I pushed Rafe away from me, breaking his hold. “No! Just… stop.” My voice trembled with barely contained anguish. “Even if what you say is true, it doesn’t matter. None of it matters.”
Rafe’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What are you talking about? Of course it matters.”
I shook my head vehemently, hot tears pricking at my eyes once more. “No, it doesn’t. Because no matter what either of us feels, we both know the truth – you will never be mine. I can never be yours.” A ragged breath escaped my lungs. “I’m withdrawing from the competition. Tonight.”
Shock transformed Rafe’s handsome features, his eyes going wide. “What? No! You can’t…” He reached for me again but I slipped out of his grasp.
“I can and I will.” Steely determination threaded through my words even as my heart splintered. “This… whatever this is between us… it’s an impossible dream. You’re the Alpha King. You’ll choose a Luna from one of the important ladies. And I…” A dry laugh scraped my throat. “I’ll go back to my life, such as it is.”
“I won’t accept that.” Rafe’s voice hardened, his eyes flashing crimson with barely leashed power. “You’re not going anywhere.”
Indignant anger surged through my veins. “You can’t command me like one of your subjects! I’m not bound by your words, Rafe.”
“No, you’re not,” he bit out impatiently. “I know you have a mind of your own. And deep down, you know you don’t really want to leave.”
“How dare you assume you know my heart?!” I lashed back, even as tears blurred my vision. “You arrogant, insufferable…”
The rest of my furious words were lost as Rafe closed the distance between us in one swift stride and captured my mouth with his in a searing kiss. A gasp escaped me at the sudden explosive contact but it was swallowed by Rafe’s greedy lips as he claimed me, possessed me, his arm an iron band around my waist pressing me flush against the hard plane of his body.
Rational thought fled, incinerated by the wildfire of hunger that blazed through my blood. I was lost, drowning in sensation, in Rafe – his pine and sweet scent filling my head, the feeling of his stubbled jaw against my skin, the drugging slide of his lips over mine. Every cell in my body came alive, sparking and yearning, and I melted into him, my hands fisting in the fabric of his shirt.
Rafe kissed me like a man starved, like I was the air he needed to breathe, and I matched him, devoured him, the salt of my tears mingling with the addictive taste of him. The world shrank to this, to us, and the perfect storm of passion that raged between our straining bodies. In that moment, I forgot everything – the hurt, the fears, the uncertainty of the future. There was only Rafe and the searing rightness of his kiss branding my very soul.
Rafe slowed the kiss, his lips brushing tenderly now over my tear-dampened cheeks, my fluttering eyelids, the tip of my nose, before returning to my parted, panting mouth with exquisite care. His big palms framed my face as if I were impossibly precious.
“Please, Freya,” he murmured against my lips, his voice a deep, silken rumble that shivered down my spine. “Forgive me. I have never begged anyone in my life but when it comes to you, I can’t help it. I’m sorry. You should never have witnessed such a scene with Jessica. It meant nothing, I swear it.”
His thumbs caressed my cheekbones and his darkened gaze held mine, entreating, imploring. I swallowed hard, my heart a wild drum against my ribs. This close, with barely a breath between us, the sheer magnetic power of him threatened to sweep me under again.
But I forced myself to step back, though it wrenched something deep inside me to do it. I couldn’t let myself get lost in him, in this dizzying rush of feeling. Not when I still didn’t know where I stood.
“Rafe, I…” My voice wavered and I wrapped my arms around myself. “I don’t know what to think anymore. This… what is this between us? Because I’m not…”
“Shh, wildcat.” His finger pressed gently against my lips, stalling my words. Shock and pleasure jolted through me at the nickname, the unexpected softness in his tone. “I’ve made a decision. One that will change everything.”
My brow furrowed but before I could question him, he took my hands in his, his thumb running over my knuckles. The touch sent little zings of electricity dancing along my nerve endings.
“I’m going to announce to the entire court that you, Freya, are my Chosen. My favorite. And I will bestow upon you the title of Lady, with all the respect and status it grants.”
I gaped at him, sure I had misheard. But his expression was straight, determined. Serious as I’d ever seen him.
“You… what?” I managed to sputter. “Rafe, you can’t! The other girls, the nobles, the alliance… it would cause an uproar!” Agitation clawed up my throat. As much as some secret, selfish part of me leapt in vicious triumph at his declaration, the practical side of my brain said no. Kelly would be livid. She’d make my life a living hell. And Addy, sweet Addy who I’d come to genuinely care for… what if she stopped liking me? What if she started fearing me instead? What if she saw me as a social climber?
“I can and I will.” Rafe’s jaw was set, stubborn as a mountain. “Let them rage. None of it matters. Only you, Freya. Only this.”
He drew me back into the circle of his arms and I went unresisting, my mind whirling, thoughts scattered like leaves in a gale. My body recognized his and molded instantly to his heat and strength, even as I shook my head in denial.
“You’re not thinking clearly. Making me your Lady… it won’t solve anything. The other girls, especially Kelly… they’ll hate me. Please, Rafe. I can’t bear to hurt them. Maybe it’s better if I just…”
“Don’t.” His arms tightened around me and his expression grew fierce, almost desperate. “Don’t say you’ll leave. You can’t… I won’t allow it.”
Raw vulnerability bled into his commanding tone and my heart squeezed. I touched his face with trembling fingers, tracing the harsh ridge of his cheekbone.
“Rafe…” I whispered, torn between longing and dread. Between the impossible fantasy unfolding before me and the crushing reality I feared would follow.
How could this ever work? It was madness. Disaster waiting in the wings.
But I desperately wanted to believe in his conviction, in the future that shined so brightly in his beautiful eyes..
He covered my hand with his own, pressing my palm flat against his cheek. “Freya, listen to me. The other girls… yes, some may resent you at first. Change is always hard. But Addy loves you. She’ll always respect you, and the others will follow. They will not dare mess with you again. This would be huge upgrade for you. You’ll have people that genuinely love and support you.”
“Like.. fans?”
Rafe smiled at me ruefully. “Yes, fans. And in time, they’ll see what I see – a young woman of incomparable strength, kindness, and grace. A ruler in the making.”
His words rolled over me like honey, sweet and seductive. I wanted so badly to trust in his words, but they seemed too good to be true. The scars on my soul ran deep, carved by loss and betrayal and heartache. By a lifetime of never being good enough, wanted enough. How could I silence those insidious whispers now?
“I’m scared,” I admitted in a choked murmur, my eyes stinging. “I’m scared to reach for this… for you… and lose everything. Lose myself.”
Rafe’s dark eyes gleamed with emotion. With a low growl, he hauled me against him and claimed my mouth in a searing kiss. I gasped as he consumed me, tongue delving deep to tangle with mine. Heat and hunger, reassurance and raw need.
He kissed me until the world fell away. Until nothing existed but his lips on mine, his hands molded my curves, the bulwark of his body surrounding me. Anchoring me.
When he finally lifted his head, we were both panting. “You could never lose yourself with me,” Rafe rasped. “Because you are my true north. My home. Choosing you… it’s the surest I’ve ever been.”
The absolute conviction in his voice shattered the last of my resistance. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I surged up on my toes and kissed him back with all the love and want in my heart.
Rafe met me with a groan, arms banding tight around me as our mouths clashed. I knew with a blinding certainty that whatever challenges lay ahead… we would face them.
****