JOANNE
–
Trinity shut the door behind her, and I found myself gulping like a drowning alpaca.
Why the hell was Hardy here?
“What are y–
His massive strides towards where I was caused my breath to seize, and I stopped talking and slowly took a step back.
I stopped walking when my calves hit the bunk of my bed, causing me to heavily take a seat.
I shot up immediately.
“Tonight..” Hardy began.
He looked more than drunk.
“What did you and Trevor do?” He asked again, getting close.
“Like he said, we did nothing.”
“And you just had to go for a bathroom break when he said the same darn thing. Stop lying to me!” He yelled.
Who let his horses out of his stables? Why was he getting angry?
“Because I had to pee, you didn’t think I was running away or something?” I scoffed.
“Do you think this is funny?”
He finally got close to me, and his height towered over mine.
I shook my head. “I’m not even laughing.”
“Exactly,” He grabbed my chin with his fingers.
What the hell was he talking about?
“I brought you here, under my domain, to put a perfect good use on you. But look at you, laughing with Kaleb and pouncing around with Trevor. For the last time, what did you do with Trevor?”
His breath smelled like strawberries and gin.
“I did nothing!” I yelled back.
He clenched his jaw and let out an unsatisfied nod.
“You’re not allowed to look at other men but me. You’re only allowed to be with me; look at me and not at others.” His hand fell on my shoulder.
He didn’t stop talking.
“You’re not supposed to be with anyone; you’re supposed to be under my watchful eyes. You’re pregnant. You’re supposed to stay safe, to be… to not be dead.” I saw a glint of something flash in his eyes.
A tear?
Yes, he was drunk, and he was not talking to me.
He was talking to Lisa. I could tell. He looked sad, and he was mentioning death.
How could anyone not know?
Lisa did die while she was pregnant.
And I was only here to rewrite her stars. That’s why I am pregnant too.
The only part I would not be rewriting is being in love with Hardy and having this child inside of me taken away at the end.
Something in my heart ached. But I couldn’t tell if it was for myself. For the fact that, at the end of it all, I have nothing but a used and destroyed part of me.
An empty woman who would get her child taken and go back to a home betrayed by the one person she thought loved her-or if it was for the fact that I was rewriting the story of a woman who died an unknown death with a child in her and her broken husband is trying to find out the cause of her death while using me.
I wasn’t supposed to feel empathy for Hardy.
I knew he was drunk, and his blastings were uncalled for.
He was a jerk and a man who would use me and dry me up without caring how I felt.
But at the end of the day, I was only human, and I was standing here with him, seeing him try not to crack and let that tiny tear break loose. I couldn’t bear my aching heart.
If Hardy were sober, he wouldn’t be almost crying in front of me. In fact, he would have made my night horrible.
No handyman was supposed to cry in front of their tool.
And I would be the bigger jerk if I ignored this side of him.
This subtle emotion is breaking him on the inside.
I know the mention of Lisa drove him mad earlier, but he didn’t want to let down his cool.
“Fine,” I breathed out. “I won’t see other men; I wouldn’t even dare look at them in the eye. I will only look at you, Hardy. Be with you and be safe, right under your wing.” My hand gently touched his bicep.
Such a thick arm.
But what was I doing?
Trying to comfort a man who wouldn’t hesitate to kill me?
But it’s not everyday you see a man holding back a tear.
His eyes were already glossy, looking down at me like I just said something I wasn’t supposed to say.
His tears had gathered, but he wasn’t going to let them spill.
A man crying doesn’t make them vulnerable, but deeply broken.
Of course, sober Hardy would call me crazy.
Gently, Hardy took a seat on the bed and clasped both hands in front of him, resting each elbow on his thighs.
“Seat, or better yet, sleep. I won’t disturb,” he said calmly.
Was he going to try to watch me sleep?
Did my ‘Let’s tell him-what-he-wants-to-hear’
Work on him.
I listened to him and got on the bed, getting half of my body tucked under the duvet while being seated.
Hardy was quiet, and it was scaring me.
I carefully grabbed a pillow and placed it in front of me. That would stop my heart from trying to beat faster than normal.
I didn’t know how drunk he was. What if he went from being subtle to causing havoc?
“Look,” he said, turning to me.
I pulled my chin up a bit, trying not to hold his gaze.
But his hunter’s dark eyes didn’t plan to leave mine anytime soon.
“I’m sorry if I acted weirdly toward you.”
My breath hitched.
Hardy Bensimon is throwing an apology.
“I-it’s okay” I was a little thrown over the edge.
“It’s not okay.” He shifted his entire large body to face mine.
I gently gripped the inside of the duvet.
“I am not entirely in my best place, you see,” he sighed.
Well, anyone could see that.
Anybody who would stay sane after losing two of their most beloved to homicide, tagged as suicide, should be locked up in an asylum.
“It’s going to be okay,” I broke out.
Someone help! I didn’t know what else to say.
“It’s never going to be okay.” He scoffed. “Everyone f-cking tells me that I just need to replace what Lisa fixed in my life to be fine, to be alright. I mean, look at you; you’re exactly her replacement, but you’re not it.
I blink rapidly.
“I know you’re not Lisa; you can never be Lisa.” He sighed yet again.
“But if I am going to be really honest with you,” He slowly arched his brow. “It’s not bad having you around. You make me seem less lonely.”
My heart almost softened until I realized that making someone seem less lonely and feeling less lonely are two entirely different things.
I wanted to speak, but his body shifting and moving close to me prevented me from speaking.
And worst of all, when he got close to me, he gently fell to my legs, leaving his heavy body to lie on my poor stubbled legs.
His hand gently moved up and grabbed my waist while his head took a rest on the pillow in front of me.
Okay what?
I needed someone to raise an alarm. Stat!
–