8

Once the door was slammed shut, I knew Justin was gone, at least for today. I sighed as I say down on the couch.
” Are the kids asleep?” I asked without turning to face James who had joined me on the couch.
” Yes, even though it hard to convince Amelia to go to bed. She was really excited to meet her dad,” James said bitterly. I knew he was hurt by the news.
” Thanks for helping me out,” I looked at him and managed to give him a smile.
” You shouldn’t be thanking me, it’s my duty,” he replied shyly as he scratched the back of his head.
We sat quietly, the air hanging with curiosity. I knew he had lots of questions to ask me and I also wanted to know how he felt but I still didn’t feel that I was ready to talk about Justin.
” Do you want tea?” he broke the silence.
” I would have said coffee but…,”
” You shouldn’t take coffee before heading to bed, that’s a really bad habit you know,” he was quick to correct.
” I had a feeling you would say that,” I chuckled trying to make the atmosphere less dense.
” I’ll go and make it now,” he said getting up to his feet.
” You don’t have to, I’ll do it myself. You’re supposed to be my guest, its only right that I serve,” I held on to his hand.
” Guest?” he repeated to himself in a low voice. ” I guess that’s what I am to you,” what had I said?
” James, I really didn’t mean it that way. I just felt that I…,” I tried explaining but he sat me down.
” It’s okay, I’m not angry at you. I’m just angry at myself for thinking too far,” he sighed. ” Just let me make the tea, I’m not a stranger after all,” he said before heading towards the kitchen. My plan was to keep things in check, now here am I, messing things up.
James was already dampened by Justin’s presence in my life and me treating him like a stranger was making things worse. I really want to treat James nicely and closely but whenever I want to, it’s like my body and mind don’t wanna work together. My mind feels I should reciprocate his feelings then my body refuses to act in line and I end up unintentionally hurting him.
” Your tea,” he beamed as he handed me a cup before sitting.
” Thank you,” I sipped from my tea cup. He was actually good at making tea. We sat in the eeriness of the night. It was awkward just sitting down besides each other so quietly when we knew what was on our minds.
” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to ask you because I didn’t want it to seem like I was prying into your past and all but now I feel I should ask. After all, I need to know where I stand,” I took a deep breath before sighing at his words, I had expected this question from him.
” I’ll try to answer your questions and I understand how you feel, it’s not wrong of you to know where you stand,” I tried my best to remain calm. I wish I could avoid this session but that would be cruel of me.
” Are you and Justin really married? Are you both still husband and wife? ” he went straight to the point.
” We were married but it’s not like what you think. You’ve seen him and you know he’s insanely rich, so it’s not difficult for him to get himself a wife. Our marriage was a contracted one, nothing more than a piece of paper,” I said firmly.
” But you still got pregnant for him,” James words was like a bullet shot at my heart, I knew he didn’t say so to offend me but it still hurt. He was right, in the end I still got pregnant for him even though it was just supposed to be a stupid piece of paper.
” I didn’t mean it that way,” he quickly tried his best to salvage the situation. ” What I meant is, even though it was supposed to be a contract marriage, you still feel in love with him. So if you loved him and he loves you, why did you both separate? I mean, you have his children and he loves you…,” he tried his best to make reason out of the situation.
” Love?” I scoffed. ” Justin doesn’t love me, not in the least way he doesn’t,”
” If he doesn’t love you, then why is he back for you?” James was indeed curious.
” To him women and any other thing is something money can buy and something he can change at will, when he gets tired of one, he moves on to the next one. I guess that’s the life of the rich and that’s the fate of the poor, to be trodden. And I’m talking from experience, he got tired of me and let me go,” I managed to say trying as much as I could to hold back the tears that fought so hard to fall. I clenched my tea cup between my palms as a tear drop rested warmly on my hand.
” I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have…”
” It’s okay, I’m alright,” I said quickly wiping the tears that had welled up in my eyes. ” Don’t mind me, feel free to ask what you want,” I urged.
” Why would anyone leave you? I mean, you’re so sweet and understanding, supporting and hard-working, so what would make Justin leave you exactly?” His words were comforting and had started to confuse me as to what he wanted. Did he want me to be with Justin or him?
” His first love came back and he wanted to rekindle their old flame and my presence would have ruined things, so he let me go. To him, I was a dark secret he didn’t want to be discovered, so of course he would have to quickly do away with me,”
” If he let you go because of his first love, then why isn’t he with his first love?” Even I didn’t know the entire reason for that.
” I can’t really tell but what I do know is, it turned out she wasn’t who he thought he knew. So he ended things with her,” I shrugged.
” And… Do you still love him? Are you considering going back to him?” he clenched his tea cup and stared into it’s swirling abyss.
” No, not after what he did to me. If he thinks everything will go his way because he’s him, he better think again, ” I was never going to accept Justin, not after he dumped me.
” So does that mean that you’ll still give me a chance like you said earlier on?” he sounded much more hopeful.
” Yes, I can’t guarantee not letting my kids meet their dad but I do know that I don’t want him in my life. Also, I’m sorry,” I nearly forgot to apologise for the way I treated him.
” For what? What did you do?”
” I shouldn’t have yelled at you in the car park, I was wrong to say such hurtful things to you. I really shouldn’t have and I know that my words must have…,” I felt his soft lips on mine before I had the chance to finish apologizing, he was moving way too fast. Slowly removing his lips from mine, he held on to my chin and looked me in the eye.
” You don’t need to apologise and I’m not hurt by what you said, I was actually the one at fault. I didn’t know when to say the right things and I ended up getting you riled up, I’m sorry for acting up. I should have kept my cool,” my heart was still beating from the surprise kiss he had given me. It wasn’t deep, neither was it passionate. It was just sweet and low tuned, expressing all the emotions of love he couldn’t express with words.
” I’m also sorry for startling you with a kiss, I know I should take things slow. I just got carried away. I love you Isa, I really do,” this was the sincerest confession I had heard from anyone in a long time. I just sat still looking at him, lost in his eyes and words.
” It’s late now, I better let you sleep. If you need anything just call me,” he said getting up.
” Y-Yes,” I stuttered after a few minutes. Why did he have to kiss me and confuse my thoughts?
” Good night, see you tomorrow,” he stood outside my door and beamed as he waved.
” See you tomorrow,” I managed to smile. My heart was in it’s own world of it’s own, conflicted for reasons I was yet to understand. Closing the door and heading back inside, I felt like screaming to let my emotions out. Why was I behaving like a teenager? To be honest, I wasn’t comfortable with the kiss, at the same time, my heart was pounding because of it. This was probably due to the fact that I hadn’t kissed anyone in years. Today was indeed a hectic day for me, I needed some shut eyes.