Okay so maybe I was hungrier than I thought. I cleared my plate.
“That right there is the reason I love you”. He smirked as he took my plate placing it on top of his empty one. “It’s always good to see you eating babe”.
You would think I never ate the way he goes on.
“That was so good. We have to come back here with Everleigh, she would love it”.
“Ever thought about giving her a brother?”. I almost choked on my coke. What a way to change the subject. “I’ll take that as a no”. He chuckled.
“Yes and no”. I shrugged.
“Yeah?”. He grinned.
“Yes, because I didn’t want her growing up lonely and no because I never thought I would come back here”. Letting my eyes drop I started to fumble with my napkin.
I knew if I was ever going to have another child it would be with Blaze. Not because I was against having 2 different dads to my kids but because I wasn’t interested in anyone else.
Blaze was the love of my life. The kind of love that I wouldn’t feel with anyone else. I never looked for anyone else because I knew I would never find it. What we have was special, yes maybe toxic at times, but he was my guy.
“What about now?”. His question threw me off guard. I hadn’t really thought about it much now that I was back here. I wasn’t against the idea, but I don’t think it was the right time to have another child.
“You telling me you want to try for more babies?”. I grinned.
“Always darling. I’d have you pregnant all the time”. He smirked “Trying is the best part”. Winking at me I watched as he pulled out some cash and placed it on the table.
“Put that money away”. Bear approached us with two boxes. “I don’t take money from family now here this is a little treat for the road. You and Nate used to love this”. At the sound of him mentioning Nate I looked straight at Blaze.
He didn’t say anything, but his body language had changed.
“Don’t tell me you two still haven’t sorted things?”. He sighed placing the boxes on the table. “Life’s too short son. Regardless of what happened between you two he is still your brother, still your family”.
This man spoke my language.
“Maybe one day Bear but not right now”. I knew he hated talking about Nate and often lost his head but that didn’t seem to be happening with Bear.
“I hope so son. You take care and don’t take as long to come back here”. Placing his hand on Blaze’s shoulder he squeezed. “Was lovely to meet you to sweetheart and remember keep him on his toes”. He winked before leaving us to it.
..
Walking hand in hand back to his bike the silence was comfortable but of course I had to break it. “Bear seems lovely”. He treated Blaze like a son, he really cared for him.
“He’s a good guy Ava and he’s nothing to do with the MC before you ask”. As we reached his bike he let go of my hand and reached inside his pocket for his smokes. “He looked after me and Nate for a bit but then we split, and your dad found us months later”.
“How different would your life be if my dad never found you?”.
“I’d be dead sweetheart”.
My stomach dropped. I didn’t like that thought. I knew my life would be completely different if I had never wanted to find my dad. But everything happens for a reason.
“I didn’t have a purpose in life before your dad found me. I had nothing to live for and now, now I have everything, and it terrifies me”.
Now he had lost me.
“I’m so fucking scared I’ll lose it all. I don’t deserve to have what I have. I always fuck up the good things. I’ve done some fucked up things in my time Ava. I don’t know what I’ve done to finally have something to live for”. As he took another long drag of his smoke I moved in closer, close enough our noses were touching.
I didn’t like when he spoke like this. He could be a bad bastard at times, many times I’ve experienced it, but everyone deserved a chance at happiness.
“I love you”. Rubbing my nose against his I placed my hand over his heart. “I want to be with you always”.
“You’re too good for me darling, you always have been. There will be times you’ll want to up and leave because I will fuck up, it’s what I do best”.
“Blaze”. I warned. He knew I hated when he got like this. We all fuck up and we all make mistakes. He was always putting himself down.
“Do that again”. He whispered. “You’re sexy as fuck when those little nostrils flare”.
Rolling my eyes, I shoved his chest. “Let’s go home it’s getting late”.
As we pulled up to the clubhouse, I could hear the loudness of the music. It had been a while since the club had been this rowdy. Something good had obviously happened. Getting down from his bike I unclipped my helmet and shook out my hair.
I felt good and for once I didn’t have a gut feeling that something bad was going to happen. Taking a step forward a squeal fell from my lips as he grabbed me pulling me back against him. This shit always happens when I’m too caught up in my own thoughts. With his hands resting on my waist, he dipped his head burying it in my hair. Placing my hands on top of his we stood silent enjoying the moment we were having.
“I really want my house Blaze”.
“Me too baby”. Kissing the side of my neck he took both my hands and laced our fingers together. “But there will be nights I have to spend here and there will be nights I don’t get in until late. The thought of you being alone at night kills me”.
“I need this Blaze, we need this. Our family needs this”. I knew what he was getting at with leaving me alone at night, but I couldn’t take living here anymore. I wanted my own space and if we were going to extend our family then I wanted to do it in our home. “Everleigh starts preschool very soon and I’ll be going back to work. I can’t do it from here”.
“I know darling”. Kissing the top of my head he released my hands. “Let’s go inside and see what’s happening”. Nothing was happening. The music was loud, and everyone was having a fun time. That was normal for these guys.
“You want a drink baby?”. Shaking my head, no I scanned the room for my dad. He was sat with a few other members of the club. I already knew my mom had taken Everleigh to her house for the night. She was always helping me out and I did appreciate everything they both did for me, but I felt I wasn’t spending enough time with her.
“Think I’m going to go for a bath and an early night”. I couldn’t be bothered sitting around watching everyone else get shitfaced. This is when I wished we were in our own place. I could be chilled out on the sofa with a glass of wine and some crappy TV.
…
Pulling my hair up into a messy bun I got in and got comfortable. I had set up Everleigh’s iPad to listen to some music and lit some candles. As I sunk deeper into the bath a groan fell from my lips as I heard the door swing open.
“Can I really not take a bath… Cage”. I yelled reaching for the towel. “What the hell are you doing in here?”. Not caring that I was naked he took a seat on the toilet and buried his head in his hands. That wasn’t a good sign. “Cage he will kill you if he catches you in here”.
“I need your help Ava”.
All I could think about was Blaze walking in and seeing red. He would literally kill him for seeing me like this. I was all for helping him out but not when I was lying in the bath naked. “Cage you need to get out of here. If he walks in and see’s you-…”
“I think I’m the reason she can’t get pregnant”. His words cut me off. “I know she won’t stay with me if I’m the issue. I know she desperately wants a baby”.
“Cage”. I sighed awkwardly trying to wrap a soaking wet towel around my body without standing up. He really needed to get out. I wanted to help him I did but the thought of Blaze walking in here was distracting me.
“I can’t lose her just because my dick doesn’t work”.
“I thought you two had worked things out?”. The last time I saw them they were great. I know everything can be different behind closed doors.
“She wants a baby Ava and that’s not happening”. Sighing he rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m not prepared to lose her”.
I genuinely felt bad for him. Cage was a good guy, him and Ally were great together.
“We’re good Ava but I see the hurt in her eyes every time a test come back negative and there’s not a damn thing, I can say to make her feel better”.
“Stop putting so much pressure on yourself and stop thinking you’re going to lose her”. Placing my hand on his shoulder I pulled myself up and out the bath. “She loves you for you not because you think you can’t give her a child. Now go find your girl and tell her how much you love her”.
“Thanks Ava”.
“Anytime but seriously get out of here”.
By the time I had gotten into my pjs and ready for bed the clubhouse seemed quieter. The music wasn’t as loud, and the chatter had dulled. Grabbing one of his hoodies I pulled it over my head and made my way into the bar area.
Blaze, Jared and my dad were sat huddled in a corner, they seemed deep in conversation. Instantly that was a clue for me that he was going on a job. I didn’t notice Cage so I’m guessing he took my advice.
Standing behind the bar I poured myself some water and looked at my surrounding. A few old ladies were still here, a few club girls and then my eyes landed on Kasey.
Why was she sat herself?
Grabbing two beers I made my way towards her. “Mind if I join?”. I knew straight away something was off.
“Sure”. She smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Taking the beer from me she took a sip. Girl didn’t seem like much of a drinker.
“You remind me of one of the girls that used to work here. Her name was Kelsey. She was just like you. Broken home, left school at an early age and then she came here”.
“What are you trying to say?”. She snapped “Sorry I’m just having a rough night”. Sighing she ran a hand over her face.
“Where’s Luke?”. I asked.
“On a job, with another girl. I don’t know. Everything’s changed”. Her voice broke. “He’s not the same anymore”. Wiping the tears from her cheeks she tried her hardest to hide the pain.
“Changed how?”.
Shrugging her shoulders, she lowered her head. “How do you do it?” She asked her gaze meeting mine. “How do you know he’s not cheating?”.
“Trust me sweetheart, my relationship wasn’t all hearts and flowers. I had a rough time too and it was horrible but”. Sighing I took a sip of my beer.
“You’re his old lady”. She smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“I am but I wasn’t always well in my mind I wasn’t. Blaze hurt me in the worst way. He cheated on me, and then he did the thing he promised he wouldn’t. He left me when I needed him the most”.
“But you’re beautiful Ava, you’re perfect. Why would he do that?”.
“Like I said it was rough, but we made it, and he wouldn’t dare cheat on me again. He’d get his balls handed to him”. I grinned.
“You make it look so easy”. She sighed. “I don’t know if I can do this”.
“If you’d have been here when we first started dating you wouldn’t be saying that. It was anything but easy”. My past wasn’t easy, but it made me who I am today.
“I never get to see him anymore. I can’t be in a relationship with someone I don’t see. Am I being selfish?”.
“When’s he getting patched in?”. I asked.
“I don’t know”.
“Have you told him how you’re feeling?”.
“I’m scared to tell him in case it’s true. What if he’s seeing other girls. I’m not being that girl Ava I can’t be that girl”.
I remember being that girl. I knew exactly how she was feeling, and it wasn’t nice. I knew my truth and when I look back at what I went through, what we went through I didn’t quite believe that I would end up back where it all began. I didn’t ever believe that it would have ended up the way it did, but love was love and it was a powerful thing.
Feeling his presence behind me he placed his hand on my shoulder. “You good baby, need anything?”. And deep down I was thankful that I was here and that I was surrounded by the people I loved.
“I’m good”. Placing my hand on his I squeezed. “You good?”.
“Always beautiful”. Bending down he kissed my cheek. “Got a little business to take care of with your old man but I’ll be back soon”.
“Okay”.
“He really loves you”.
“He does”. I agreed. “Luke seems like one of the good ones Kasey. I wouldn’t give up on him so soon. Getting patched into the club isn’t easy and you can see how badly he wants it. It’s up to you on what you decide but I’d maybe wait it out just a little longer”.
“Maybe you’re right”.
The clubhouse was quiet, everyone had headed out only a few club girls were left. I couldn’t stop thinking about Kasey. Talking with her brought back a lot of bad memories and a lot of pain.
Frowning I looked down at my ring and it brought me back. It wasn’t all bad memories; we had some good times together. I would never forget my past, but I was more excited for my future. We were finally where we wanted to be. Smiling I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip. Blaze wasn’t home yet but it was nearly midnight, and I was getting tired.
“Sandra?”.
“Yes sweetie?”. She smiled.
“You lock up if you’re leaving, I’m going to head to bed”.
“Sure thing. Goodnight Ava”.