Leaning against the door I placed my hand over my heart and tried to calm my breathing. I could hear the faint sound of music and the smell of food made my stomach growl. Taking a deep breath, I headed back into the bar area.
Everyone was here. Drinks were flowing and the room was filled with chatter.
The first thing I noticed was the banner.
‘Congratulations Ava & Blaze’
Blaze was sat with Jared, Cage and a few other brothers. No one had noticed my appearance, but I was taking everything in. The chat, the laughter. I didn’t want to celebrate. Not like this. I wasn’t sure Blaze, and I were even speaking, and I had just had a bust up with my dad.
“There she is”. My mom grinned. “Come get a drink”. Linking her arm through mine I stopped her from trying to pull me away.
“I’m going to check on Everleigh”.
“No need, she’s running around here somewhere”.
“Mommy”. Her high-pitched squeal alerted every one of my presence. Blaze’s eyes met mine but for the first time ever I looked away.
“Hey baby”. I grinned lifting her into my arms. “Has she had sweets?”.
“Awk Ava she’s a kid she’s meant to have sweets”. My mom sighed taking her from my embrace. “Go play with Leighton while I get mommy a drink sweetheart”. As she kissed her head, she placed her back onto her feet.
“Yeah, but she’s my kid and I don’t want her teeth to rot”.
“Seriously A what is wrong with you tonight?”.
“This”. Waving my arms around I shook my head. “I don’t want any of this. I never asked for any of it and yet you went ahead and did it anyway”.
“You’re getting married”. Her voice was soft as she reached out and took my hand.
“Am I? Because my so-called husband to be can’t even move in with me. Wants to wait it out. It’s always about the club and do you know what I’m sick of it”. I hissed pulling my hand from hers. “I’m not staying but by all means you guys enjoy my engagement”.
Disappearing out the front door the cold air hit me like a train, but it was welcomed. I didn’t know what I was doing. Was I being stupid? Should I slap a smile on my face and go back? Was I making a big deal out of nothing?
On a more serious note, did I just call off my engagement?
Lighting up a cigarette I sighed as I heard the creek of the door being opened. “I just want to be on my own for a few minutes”. I didn’t want to argue with anyone else tonight.
“But you’ll make an exception for me”. Hissing he gripped my shoulder as he sat down beside me. He shouldn’t even be here. His body needed to rest.
“You should still be resting. What is it with guys in this bloody clubhouse. None of you know how to look after yourselves properly”.
“That’s what an old lady is for”.
I turned my head so fast I’m surprised I didn’t pull a muscle.
“I’m kidding”. He laughed pushing on my shoulder. “What’s going on with you?”. Stealing the smoke from between my fingers he brought it to his lips taking a draw.
“Nothing I’m fine”.
“You really having second thoughts?”. Passing me back my smoke I gladly took it. “Come on Ava, this is me you’re talking to”. Truth, was I didn’t know what was going on with me. It was like every time we took a step forward something came up and knocked us two steps back. “Has this all stemmed from what happened tonight?”.
I wasn’t giving anything away because I genuinely didn’t have an answer. Yes, it freaked me out and I got scared but the more I think about it the angrier I become. I told myself I wouldn’t let anyone hurt me again and the first sign of trouble hits and what do I do?
Fucking cry.
“I fucking cried Jared. I panicked and I had Everleigh. I should have been strong. What if I couldn’t have protected her?”.
“You are fucking strong and don’t be thinking like that”. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was getting angry. “Fuck Ava, after everything you’ve been through, and you still came out shining at the end of it. You’re a boss darling and don’t let anyone tell you different”.
“Thanks Jared I needed to hear that”.
“Anytime princess”. Smirking at me I gave him the middle finger. “Now I have to make sure he hasn’t shot a prospect”. Helping him get to his feet I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in for a hug.
“I’ve missed you”. And I did. Jared always knew what to say. He always steered me back in the right direction.
“Missed you too. You gonna save me sometime and go speak to him?”.
“Is he pissed?”. I asked pulling out of his embrace.
“He thinks he’s losing you. You take what you want from that, but I’d get in there before he drinks himself into oblivion”. Kissing the top of my head he left me and headed back inside.
He wasn’t losing me my head just seemed to be all over the place. I wasn’t trying to be pushy or moody I just wanted us together. To have our own space. I knew the club was important to him and at a time in his life it was the only thing he had. Was I being selfish to want him all to myself at times?
I wasn’t ready to go back inside right now and by the sounds of it they were really enjoying my engagement. It should be me that’s enjoying it, I should be in there happy and celebrating but tonight just wasn’t the night for it.
One thing for sure, they all did love a good party.
Walking out into the lot I headed for the play area my dad had built for Leighton. Taking a seat on the swing I looked up into the sky. The stars were out, and it was beautiful. I always liked to come out here, it was always so quiet, peaceful.
“Straightened that face yet?”.
“Not in the mood for another fight”. I sighed.
I always found it hard to stay mad at my dad these days. We didn’t always have the best relationship, but he was still my dad.
“You ain’t gonna get another fight sweetheart. Came to say sorry”. Looking at him I frowned, that was a first. “I get hot headed at times Ava, I lose my shit and I say stuff I don’t mean. You do you if you ain’t happy here darling then do what you need to do. No one will stop you”.
“It’s not that I’m not happy I just want my own space heck I want my own bedroom”. I wanted to be able to walk around naked, I wanted to curl up on the sofa at night with a good film, I wanted to go into the toilet and not have to put the seat down every damn time.
“So, you’re not taking Everleigh away?”.
“Dad where did you get that idea from?”.
“The suitcases, I went to check on her and seen them”. Scratching the back of his head he slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out his smokes. “Never dawned on me that you meant your house here”.
“I’m not taking Everleigh away and I’m not leaving, okay?”.
“What about-…”.
“Blaze?”. I asked. “Well, the ring is still on my finger, and I don’t plan on taking it off. I just get frustrated with him at times but when I have some time to think I realise how much the club affects his life”.
Ride or die as they say.
“We’re a family Ava and you’re part of that family. Cut the boy some slack and go fucking talk to him before he drinks my bar dry. I love ya kid”. Kissing the top of my head before he ruffled my hair he laughed when I swatted his hand away. “And if you see your mom, tell her I’ll be in soon just working on the bike”.
Watching as he made his way to the garage I got to my feet and made my way back towards the clubhouse. I just hope he wasn’t shitfaced. I couldn’t see him. I was half expecting to find him in a corner cuddling a bottle of Jack. Glancing around the bar I frowned.
Had he gone out?
“He’s putting Everleigh to bed”. Placing her hand on my arm I looked at her. “You okay baby?”. I felt terrible at the way I spoke to her earlier. My mom just wanted the best for me, and I knew that deep down.
“I’m sorry mom”.
“Don’t be sorry baby it’s okay. I overstep my mark at times, but it all comes from a good place”. Placing a kiss on my cheek she squeezed me arm. “You seen your dad?”.
“In the garage working on his bike”.
“Him and that bike”. She sighed. “I kept you some food, it’s in the oven. Make sure you eat something”.
“I will”. Eating was the last thing on my mind but come to think of it I had barely ate all day. Approaching the room where Everleigh slept, I stopped when I saw him.
“She’s asleep. Tired herself out running around mad”.
“Did she eat much?”. I asked my eyes landing on his. Everleigh wasn’t the only one that needed sleep. He looked done in.
“She ate enough. Have you eaten?”.
“I’ll eat something when-…”
“No, you’ll eat something now. She’s asleep and the monitors set up. Get some food in that belly, I’ll run you a bath yeah?”.
“Yeah okay”. Reaching out his arm slid around my waist pulling me to him.
“Blaze”…
“Just let me hold you for a sec, please”. Burying his head in my neck my body relaxed, my eyes closing. I didn’t know how he did it, but he always had a way of making me feel better. It was like nothing else matter only that I was in his arms. He was here and we were together.
And then my stomach grumbled.
“When did you last eat something?”. Pulling back, he stared at me. “You better be fucking eating Ava”. And that right there is how he always ruined the moment.
“I’m eating”. Rolling my eyes, he gripped my chin his eyes darkening.
He was always so protective.
“Jesus Blaze I’m eating”. Swatting his hand away I slipped from his embrace. “I’m going to eat something right now do you want to watch?”.
“Watch your mouth princess”. Now I knew I was in hot water. The teeth clench was always a big giveaway.
“If she wakes up come get me”. It was better if I just let it be. There was no need to cause an argument over eating.
“Just eat something you stubborn little witch”. Fighting back my smile I gave him the middle finger but was out of there before he could react.
I didn’t realise how hungry I was until I was stuffing my face with chicken.
“Good girl. Baths ready when you are”.
“Thank you”. Finishing what was on my plate I slipped off my chair and put the plate in the sink. He was always good at sneaking up on me. With both hands on either side of the kitchen counter I was trapped.