Alisa didn’t quite figure out if she had really thought it through until she climbed onto the back of the gray wolf. She had never spent time alone with a werewolf, especially one who had once tried to kill her. Moreover, the gray wolf was running fast, making her worry that she might be left behind.
She held onto Marvin’s neck tightly, trying to relax, but her racing heart gave away her fear.
“I’m not very sure,” she panted. “Do you think this is a good idea?”
“Running helps clear the mind. Sometimes, spending too much time in one place can make your brain feel sluggish. I love the prairie; the clean wind can sweep away all the clutter in my mind.”
“You’re more romantic than I would have thought.”
“You’re the second person sitting on my back.”
Alisa hesitated for a moment. “Who was the first? Grace?”
“It was Maggie.”
That was unexpected, Alisa thought. Her sister seemed to be quite popular in the werewolf society.
“Grace has a more beautiful wolf form than I do, and she’s more agile,” the gray wolf’s voice was faint. “She doesn’t need me.”
Alisa thought she was just too easy to have pity on such a weak-willed guy, but she still nestled closer to the gray wolf’s back. “But Aldrich needs you, right?”
“Would someone as powerful as Aldrich really need someone like me? I’m clearly so weak and useless,” the gray wolf replied dejectedly. He couldn’t believe that Aldrich would genuinely need him. In his mind, Aldrich didn’t need anyone, nor did he love anyone. “Can you help me understand? I can’t figure him out, can’t understand the people around me. Our father says I’m foolish, and I can’t argue with that.”
“Give it a try.”
They didn’t have the same mother. Since Marvin could remember, Aldrich had always been aloof and different from the other kids. He was reticent and stubborn, even their father couldn’t handle him. When he was young and couldn’t grasp knowledge, their father would take him to the prairie, telling him that the vast land would provide answers to his confusion. He loved the feeling of the wind sweeping over the hills, enveloping his entire body. He asked his father, “Can I come to the prairie with Aldrich next time?”
Their father, rarely silent, remained so for a while before responding, “If you invite him.”
At that time, he didn’t understand the helplessness in his father’s silence and was filled with childlike anticipation until the day came, and Aldrich rejected him without a second thought.
“I’m not going.”
Marvin didn’t understand if he had done something wrong. He felt nervous, even stuttered a little, “Why? Is it because you don’t like me?”
Aldrich maintained his usual dignity, without raising his head, he said, “I’m not interested in such meaningless things. You’re the same, Marvin. We are both Barret’s descendants and should think more about the bigger picture instead of being fixated on being ourselves.”
Those words hit Marvin hard, and later, he went to his father to complain and tell him about what had happened. He saw the scars in his father’s eyes, marks left by the hardships of time. His father let out a shallow sigh, “Forgive him, Marvin. Forgive your brother; he carries too many burdens. Sometimes, he forgets the most important things.”
What the most important things were, whether it was family or the hidden self, his father didn’t say. Marvin felt dull and couldn’t know.
“But don’t you think he’s really unfair?” Marvin complained to Alisa. “He could be much gentler! I’ve never felt any love from him. Yet, for some reason, Father prefers him. Even though I’m the one who’s been by Father’s side, the love I’ve given to Father is far more than what Aldrich has given. But Father chose him.”
Alisa could tell that Marvin genuinely craved Aldrich’s approval. Aldrich was a role model and someone with responsibilities, and they were also quite distant. When Marvin tried to seek love from Aldrich during his childhood and failed, he turned to trying to snatch everything that belonged to Aldrich. In his mind, Aldrich became a symbol equivalent to love and dignity. He believed that if he could surpass Aldrich, Father would start to look at him differently. Aldrich, too, would reconsider their relationship. Those suppressed childhood memories would be replaced with flags of his victory.
But he had never succeeded.
“You just want a hug,” she said, patting the gray wolf’s fur. “The wind is lovely here. Let’s lay down and enjoy the breeze for a while.”
Their father was right about one thing: eventually, all your questions would be answered by the earth.
“I think in your father’s eyes, the expectations for you and Aldrich must be different. Aldrich has better talents, bears the responsibility of the entire group, and your father hopes he becomes an excellent leader. As for you, his other son, you can choose your own path. You don’t like studying, and your father hasn’t been hard on you. Maybe your father values Aldrich more, not just because he’s his son but because of the weight he carries.”
Marvin asked her earnestly, “Does my father believe I don’t have leadership potential?”
“… ” Alisa didn’t want to answer this question. She was somewhat exasperated. “You don’t love to study, so how can you become a leader? Leaders don’t just hunt and run on the prairie, right?”
Marvin seemed to understand.
“What about Aldrich?” he asked.
“What do you think of him regarding Maggie?” Alisa responded with another question.
Marvin pondered for a moment. “He’s very good. After Maggie arrived, Aldrich’s focus shifted entirely to her, and he has never been like that with me or Father.”
“But the truth is, they didn’t get along well initially,” Alisa remarked. “Especially when Maggie was just pregnant, he, in a domineering manner, ordered her to cut ties with the child. Do you know what I thought of him back then? I thought, ‘Why should this jerk demand a mother to give up her child? Doesn’t he have a mother?'”
Marvin stayed silent for two seconds and then suddenly said, “He did lose his mother.”
This fact was briefly mentioned by Maggie, which Alisa knew. “That’s the crux of it. He craves love and family just like you. But his upbringing didn’t allow him to show vulnerability. He won’t say, ‘I want to be loved, I want a soulmate who understands me, I want to build my own family.’ Instead, he uses brute force to achieve his goals. Thankfully, Maggie’s persistence interrupted his heavy-handed approach. Maggie doesn’t care whether he’s the werewolf king, his noble status, or anything else. In her eyes, Aldrich is just the father of her child. So when he confides in her, he doesn’t feel burdened, nor is he afraid of her blaming him.”
These words sounded new to Marvin because, in his mind, Aldrich was also a monster-a cold-hearted ruler with ruthless methods. He needed power and wealth, he craved the voices of his constituents, but he didn’t need love.
While Marvin was still digesting the depth of Alisa’s words, she added, “But in my eyes, Aldrich loves you. He just doesn’t know how to express it.”