“He will, after all, this is what he owes me,” Hattie said firmly, taking a gamble herself, as no one can predict the future. She was betting on Harry to listen to her and survive well in prison.
Aiming a gun at him was too easy. She wanted him to see everything he had slowly disappear in prison, to have nothing left, to be at rock bottom, to face never-ending adversity, and to find it hard to start anew.
What could be more torturous than watching things slowly vanish from one’s hands? Even ordinary people couldn’t bear it, let alone Harry, who used to stand at the pinnacle of the city.
Being used to being on a high horse, one might forget what it feels like to fall into a quagmire.
Two vegetarian dishes were quickly served, with Micah bringing them to the table. When he saw her serving the fish soup in the kitchen, she noticed that her fish soup never turned out as good as Micah’s; she always overcooked the fish, leaving it in pieces.
“Be careful, let me do it,” Micah took the spoon from her hand. “Bring out the bowls for dinner.”
As they sat at the table, they chatted and ate slowly, savoring each bite. The warm yellow lights in the dining room made the evening feel especially cozy.
Micah hesitated several times, wanting to say something to Hattie, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. After they finished eating, he took the bowls to wash them, while Hattie wiped the table outside.
Suddenly, Micah spoke up, “Hattie, in the ambulance that day, did you hear everything I said?”
Hattie’s hand stiffened as she continued to wipe the table. She lowered her head, gently biting her lip.
How could she not have heard? It was Micah’s words that woke her up.
“ttie.” This was the new nickname Micah gave Hattie, unique to only him.
“So many people call you ‘Hattie,’ calling you ‘Dr. Mason’ feels too formal, but calling you ‘Hattie’ feels too distant. I can’t accept that,” he said.
ttie felt just right.
Looking up, Hattie saw Micah standing at the kitchen door. “I love you, more than you can imagine. You are the exception in my life. If you don’t want to be with me, I’ll wait for you willingly, without forcing you. Love should make people gentle and romantic, not feel abused or compromised…”
From the moment Hattie woke up until now, Micah had never said these words. He suppressed his feelings, afraid of pressuring Hattie, afraid she would avoid him and not seek proper treatment.
The old Micah wasn’t scary at all, but the more he cared about someone, the more fearful he became. Yet, those he cared about kept drifting away.
Today, Micah gathered all his strength to say these words. He was afraid of losing Hattie, afraid their relationship would become irreconcilable.
Irreconcilable happened when he was afraid of hurting her, wanting to keep his distance, yet yearning to be close.
The greatest regret in life is meeting a special person but not being able to be together.
Unable to leave, unwilling to let go.
Feeling uneasy, Hattie tightened her grasp on the cloth in her hand. “You can find someone better than me, Micah. There are many good women in this world who can accompany you through life, grow old together, have a happy home, and have children. I have nothing. I’ve been in jail, been pregnant, had a miscarriage, even had my uterus removed. Do you understand? I can’t have children!”
As she finished, tears welled up in her eyes. She could barely control herself, lowering her head, eyes stinging. She felt so terrible, even she despised herself. How could she deserve Micah? He could act impulsively, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t harm him.
“What kind of happiness I deserve is up to me…” Micah said softly as he approached Hattie. His voice was slightly deep and magnetic, irresistibly attractive.
Hattie kept her head down, watching his shadow draw closer to her. He didn’t press on, but stopped half a meter away.
“ttie, we’re not young anymore. Don’t let your past determine your future. You lack nothing; in my eyes, you’re the best. You deserve to be cherished and protected. You’re not the mess you think you are, and I’m not as perfect as you think. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
Hattie’s voice choked with emotion. “But you like children, and I can’t…”
“You’re here to experience the beauty of this world, like the warm sunshine in spring, the cicadas in summer, the bountiful harvest in autumn, the snow-covered plum blossoms in winter. Witnessing the rising sun and the constant moon, savoring the smoke rising from cooking, watching flowers bloom and wither. You should live happily, not just to have children. If you like kids, we can adopt together. If not, we’ll just sit in a nursing home with a group of elderly, chatting. It’ll still be lively.” Micah spoke earnestly, then reached out to hold Hattie’s cold, trembling hand.
No matter how many futures he described, Hattie was always there.
Regardless of how many flaws she pointed out or how incompatible she thought they were, Micah affirmed his love for her time and time again.
He gave her a sense of security, making her feel warm inside. She thought her heart would never thaw, but Micah reached out, even if it meant getting pricked by external thorns, he would still hold on tightly.
Micah’s visions of the future were too beautiful. As Hattie looked up, her cheeks turned red this time, in addition to her teary eyes. She asked hesitantly, “Why do you like me?”
Gently stroking her head, Micah replied, “I can’t explain it, but I know you’re the reason I don’t love anyone else.”
In romantic and lingering words, he couldn’t express much. If he had to put it in one sentence, it would be like the cicadas in summer sacrificing four years of life just for those brief two hundred days of meeting.