Have you ever heard this saying, “Fear or not, this life is what you seek in the next life”?
How can there be a next life for people?
Finn never believed in reincarnation, but over the years, he often had the same dream. And today, this dream is clearer than ever. He feels like a soul floating in the air, witnessing everything happening before him. It’s a dream, but he’s aware that everything he dreams about happened in the previous life.
In the last life, Aoife died on her 20th birthday. She turned on the gas, took sleeping pills, and peacefully laid on the bed to die.
In this life, Aoife lived until she was 22, two years longer than the last life. However, these two years were more painful than the previous life, as if living in agony.
As for Finn, he dreamt about himself, dying in prison, holding the diary written by Aoife, and dying from a gunshot wound. He was 34 years old that year.
He remembered how heart-wrenching it was at that moment. He felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest, as if he had taken his ribs out and exposed his heart.
At the moment of death, he suddenly saw Aoife in front of him, reaching out her hand towards him: “Mr. Snearl, welcome home.”
In the last life, Aoife would come back to him when he died, but not this life, as he had hurt her enough in both lives.
In this life, he was even more cruel to her than in the last. In the last life, he simply ignored her, dying under his indifferent gaze.
But in this life, all the pain Aoife endured was at his hands. He raised the knife and cut off the fate between him and Aoife bit by bit.
The heavens gave him a chance after losing his beloved, how many times he dreamt of Aoife from the last life, knowing he had the chance to prevent it all.
Knowing he had the chance in this life to meet Aoife in a different way, not giving her to Hamish, not doing the things that hurt her.
Knowing he could have knelt before her on her 18th birthday, holding up a ring to propose.
Take her to the altar after her 20th birthday to declare their vows together.
If only he had known in the past and present lives how much he loved Aoife, to the depths of his soul, surpassing life itself, perhaps they would have had children by now.
Instead, she had two children and chose to leave him early.
Finn had no right to blame the unfairness of the heavens, as they had given him a chance, but he failed to cherish it.
After pushing Aoife towards Hamish as Elisa’s replacement, he sensed something. If he didn’t find Aoife, he would lose her forever.
He did find her, but what did he do? He abused her viciously in that rented room, even worrying that she might escape, recording the whole process of abusing her on video.
He made Aoife suffer from depression a year earlier, didn’t believe her when she was pregnant, forcefully aborted the child and showed her the fetus floating in the glass specimen jar against her will.
What did Aoife say at the time?
She said…
“Finn, you will regret this.”
He did regret it, many times over, but never truly repented.
Aoife was not born in the mire, she was the moon in the sky, the one he looked up to. Out of greed, he dragged the moon into the mire.
But the moon was always the moon. She would return to the sky, where the stars accompanied her. The stars would never drag the moon into the depths of the earth, for they belonged in the sky.
Finn woke up in tears. In every life, he wanted to treat Aoife well, but in every life, he hurt her the most.
…
The doctor sedated Finn, the police took Aoife’s body, documented it, and then cremated it.
Finn woke up to an empty house and frantically searched for someone. He checked every corner of the room but couldn’t find her. He grabbed the nearest person and asked.
“Have you seen Aoife? She is my love. Her smile is beautiful, she has dimples when she smiles, her eyes turn red like a rabbit’s when she cries. Aoife, Qing is clear and pure, I wrote for you…” He grabbed the person’s hand.
Linda jerked her hand back, watching Finn’s frantic appearance. She finally mustered the courage to speak, “Mr. Snearl, Miss Powell’s body has been cremated.”
“What body? What cremation? What are you talking about? Did she find me annoying and run away herself? Call her and tell her not to go far. I won’t look for her, I’ll wait here for her until she comes back after cooling off…”
“Mr. Snearl!” Linda couldn’t help but interrupt his rambling, “Face reality, Miss Powell is dead. She died in the bathtub! She doesn’t want you anymore! She will never, ever come back.”
Finn stood there in shock, a cold wind seemed to enter his mouth, freezing his insides. He tried to deny it, but his tongue felt like it had been taken away.
Finn limped back into the bedroom, starting a self-destructive cycle of punishing himself. He stopped eating, drinking, and sleeping. He wanted to find Aoife, but he didn’t know how to face the cold ashes.
He sat on the floor, his back against the window, watching the sunrise and sunset, with each day passing by.
Outside, the occasional sound of a child crying could be heard. Linda, comforting the child, looked upstairs and eventually became worried about Finn’s condition, sending the butler upstairs to check on him.
The butler entered the bedroom, the door unlocked. He cautiously pushed it open and saw Finn holding a syringe, injecting blue liquid into his neck. The next moment, he collapsed, trembling, drenched in cold sweat. The drug was destroying his nerves, causing hallucinations in extreme pain. Only in this state could Finn see Aoife.
The butler watched the man, like a wild animal devoid of pain, tormenting himself. He quickly rushed over and kicked the box containing the drugs off the floor.
“Mr. Snearl, even if you torture yourself to death, Miss Powell will not come back. You drove her to her death. Do you want your two children to follow her path? The dead cannot be brought back to life. You should focus on the present and not live in the past.” No one dared to yell at Finn like this, but the butler took the risk.
“Mr. Snearl, Miss Powell wanted you to take care of the children before she died. If you fall now, the children will be orphans. Miss Powell won’t rest in peace if that happens.”
Finn hesitated for a moment, looking at the mixed liquid on the floor. His vision blurred, and he choked up, “If she’s not at peace, will she come to me?”
The butler fell silent.
Finn was just mumbling to himself. He never expected anyone to respond, but he listened to the butler’s words.
He had wanted to die with Aoife. Without Aoife in this world, nothing made sense. But he suddenly remembered the question Aoife asked that night when she slept in his arms.
“If a rabbit mother dies, leaving behind baby rabbits, will the rabbit father die too?”
“No.” The rabbit father wanted to follow the rabbit mother, but the surviving babies were a part of her. The rabbit father loved the rabbit mother, how could he bear to see her beloved children suffer on earth? He had to protect the babies until they grew up and became independent before reuniting with the rabbit mother.