He withdrew his hand, which had been reaching out to touch her, and then had the driver help him to the bathroom. He washed his hands and face carefully, then had the driver take a clean outfit from the closet for him to change into.
After tidying himself up, he sat on the edge of the bed, touching Aoife’s cold hand, feeling her pulse-less wrist in his grasp.
His usually good-looking hands were now swollen from the water, fingertips covered in bumps and irregularities.
As he touched Aoife’s hand, his eyes suddenly welled up with tears, a single drop falling onto the back of her hand.
Strange, why was he crying?
Why was he crying when Aoife was just asleep, not unable to wake up, not dead.
Finn took a deep breath, gently setting down Aoife’s hand, then reached to stroke her head, speaking in his softest voice as usual, “How many times have I told you, remember to blow-dry your hair after washing it. If you don’t dry it, you’ll get a headache when you wake up. Come on, let me dry it for you.”
The person in the bed did not respond to him as usual.
Finn had long since figured out Aoife’s temperament. Even if she didn’t acknowledge him, he wouldn’t be upset. He asked the driver to bring him a hairdryer from the bathroom cabinet.
After plugging the cord into the bedside socket, he turned it on, setting it to low heat to blow dry Aoife’s hair.
She was sensitive to noise, so every time he blow-dried her hair, he used the low setting to prevent the air from getting too hot and kept a safe distance.
Her long, thick black hair took about twenty minutes to dry, but Finn was used to it by now.
Gently cradling her, he placed her head on his lap, his five fingers delicately combing through her hair, slowly blow-drying it for an unusually long time.
Glancing at the driver who was still watching, Finn said, “You can leave. I don’t need you here.”
“Okay…” The driver turned and walked out of the bedroom.
“Close the door.”
With a bang, the door closed, leaving only the sound of the hairdryer in the room.
Finn had momentarily lost focus when he spoke to the driver, and the hairdryer was almost against Aoife’s forehead before he realized. Quickly tossing the hairdryer aside, he held Aoife gently, blowing softly on her forehead.
“Does it hurt? Why aren’t you saying anything when it’s getting hot?”
He wished he could hear Aoife cry out in pain.
Once her hair was dry, Finn picked up a comb and began gently combing it.
He wanted to talk to Aoife, but didn’t know what to say. Deep down, he knew that no matter how much he said, Aoife would not respond to him again.
His body began to tremble again, tears falling in abundance. He wanted to scream and cry out loud, but found that when a person is in extreme sorrow, they are silent.
He cried silently, unable to understand why things had turned out this way. Aoife’s body was too cold, and he wanted to cover her with a blanket, but there was none on the bed.
Remembering what Linda had said on the phone, Finn realized that Aoife had drowned herself in the bathtub, holding a damp blanket over herself…
The blanket wasn’t on the bed. It was in the bathtub.
Crawling into the bathroom, Finn saw the scene had not been cleaned up yet. He crawled in, seeing the blanket on the floor and the murky water in the bathtub, with bits of floating debris that looked like scraps of paper.
Reaching into the water, there were traces of writing on some of the paper scraps. He pulled out the tattered fragments and pieced them together on the floor, assembling the disjointed words into a few paragraphs.
“Aoife likes Mr. Snearl, Aoife wants to marry Mr. Snearl, Aoife waits at home for Mr. Snearl, Mr. Snearl does not like Aoife, Mr. Snearl does not want Aoife, Aoife will no longer wait for Mr. Snearl.”
“I want to love someone forever, but when I look back, a lifetime is too short. I no longer love… I dare not love…”
He noticed the old suitcase lying on one side, the suitcase Aoife had always kept, empty inside. Only a sober Aoife would know what was in that suitcase.
So Aoife was no longer a fool.
A fool does not want a crutch.
When did Aoife stop being a fool?
Finn didn’t know. Only a fool like Aoife would look at him with such adoration, only a fool like Aoife would stay by his side and follow him obediently.
When did Aoife stop being a fool?
It was when she stopped calling him “Ethan,” just two months ago… Why did he only realize it now?
Piece by piece, Finn finally came to understand everything.
From the very beginning, Aoife was not a fool. She had been pretending by his side, even with a child on the way, she still planned to leave. She had been waiting for this moment all along.
He had thought that if she woke up one day and wanted to leave, the child might be the only thing that could keep her in this world. But Aoife didn’t want the child, she gave up everything.
His mind was filled with various images, threatening to explode.
Aoife had loved him, loved him deeply. She had hoped to wait for him to come home, hoped to love him for a lifetime. But he had made her unable to love him anymore.
Returning to the bedroom, Finn held Aoife in his arms with all his strength, repeating over and over.
“Aoife, I love you, I want to marry you, Aoife, I’m home, I will never leave you again, please open your eyes and look at me… Aoife, I won’t make you wait anymore…”
His abrupt departure felt like a whirlwind, and he didn’t know how much pain she had endured during this time.
When Aoife loved him the most, Finn had wasted time. When he was at his most vulnerable to love and growing old together, he cruelly abandoned her time and time again. Now, no matter how loudly he cried or begged, it was all in vain.
Heartrending pain, feeling like ashes, this was the kind of feeling.
And Aoife had been by his side all these four years in this kind of agony…
A twenty-two-year-old should be out enjoying the mountains, rivers, and oceans, watching the sunset glow, not dying in a bathtub filled with water.
Finn held Aoife’s cold body, no blanket, and turned on the hairdryer again, blowing hot air on her body, trying to warm her icy corpse.
It could be temporarily heated, but it stayed cold inside, no matter how much he blew.
“The Mid-Autumn Festival is coming soon… You really don’t want the child? Aoife… Why are you so heartless, leaving behind two children!” Finn yelled, grasping Aoife’s shoulders, his eyes bloodshot.
What was he supposed to do? How could he go on when Aoife was dead?
Why… He had gone to the Burns family, to the Dankworth family, knelt down, pleaded for help to save her, gone through so much, endured so much, begged for so long. After finally igniting hope, it had all turned to ashes. He had nothing left.