The operating room door swung open, and the doctor emerged, utterly exhausted, supported by the staff as his body felt like jelly.
Eight hours of relentless resuscitation, a limit pushed to its edge, with no food or drink inside, their focus undivided, fearing the slightest lapse that could rob the patient of their faint flicker of life.
Finn remained kneeling, his legs numb and unresponsive, a discomfort that even an ordinary person couldn’t endure. His knees were damaged from the prolonged position.
As the doctor cautiously approached him, Finn heard his own hoarse voice inquire, “How is she?”
“The patient still has a heartbeat,” hesitated the doctor, “Mr. Snearl, please prepare yourself…”
Before the doctor could finish, Finn felt the grip on his heart tighten, his eyes already drifting towards the corridor window.
“The patient’s condition is critical, with significant intracranial bleeding that may result in brain death or a vegetative state due to neurocompression caused by blood clots. We cannot operate under these circumstances, and she may only have a day left…”
A crushing sense of despair engulfed Finn’s heart, causing him to cough, tears and blood streaming down his face.
“Just watch her will to live…” the doctor sighed upon completion.
“Can I go in and see her?”
“You may.”
Struggling to stand up, Finn’s legs refused to cooperate, devoid of feeling, until a nurse brought a wheelchair over, helping him into it after several rounds of disinfection, they finally wheeled him in to see Aoife.
Aoife lay still on the bed, connected to various machines, tubes in place, eyes shut, resembling a marionette with no strings, and witnessing this stoic figure, Finn found himself unable to shed a tear.
The end of sorrow was peaceful silence, an ultimate peace, surrounded only by mechanical sounds, as Finn sat in the wheelchair watching Aoife lying quietly, tears unconsciously covering his entire face.
Reaching out to touch Aoife, he was stopped by the nurse standing beside him, shaking her head in refusal.
Forced to retract his hand and clench his fists, a pain in each breath he took.
“Aoife, if you die, I will die too. I won’t live as you wished, I haven’t achieved what I wanted in this life, be it in terms of people or possessions, everything I desired has eluded me. The road to the afterlife is dark and cold, how can you endure such fear?”
“Time flies, and we’ve known each other for three years. Do you remember our first encounter three years ago? You were a hotel attendant, silently enduring mistreatment, tears hidden from sight, eyes reddened like a rabbit…”
“You once asked if your eyes resembled Elisa’s greatly, but the truth is, they’re nothing alike. Over time, your appearance, voice, smile, tears, and laughter bear no resemblance to Elisa whatsoever.”
Aoife was the pure Aoife, only tainted by him. She was unique in this world, yet he insisted on treating her as a replacement.
Reflecting on past scenes, Finn’s face stiffened with bitterness, “I don’t think I’ve ever told you about my family situation.”
“I am the illegitimate child of the Burns family. My mother was a mistress who committed suicide when I was five. I stood by her body the whole day, from dusk till dawn watching her blood turn red, and when I became an orphan, the Burns family took me in.”
“They handed me over to a caretaker upon my return, not caring, and she stole all their provisions for me, leaving me with scraps leftover from her grandson’s meals, sometimes spoiled food too. I’d dig through trash when the hunger became unbearable, eating scraps from the bin… I lived in those conditions for three long years, endured abuse, insults, wounds festering with infections. I was even locked in an outside shed at night, attacked by insects, infested with lice.”
This was the past Finn loathed to recall, and yet, here he was, nonchalantly detailing it as if narrating a passing breeze.
Whether Aoife heard or not was inconsequential, but the nurses standing nearby were in disbelief. They had no idea that the so-called ‘pride of the heavens’ had such a haunting past.
“Eventually, I reported the caretaker to the authorities, sending her to prison. Only then was I formally brought back to the Burns family,” Finn referred to Old Burns.
Did Finn resent Old Burns? The answer was yes, and to what extent he loathed him, even he wasn’t sure. He endured within the Burns family, but once outside, he never referred to him as ‘grandfather.’
“My so-called grandfather spoke to me, calling those three years my first lesson. If I didn’t become strong, I’d be at the mercy of others; even the servants could bully me,” Finn recounted.
“I had a dog named Momo, a beautiful Samoyed, poisoned to death. I learned my second lesson in this household, that emotions were unwelcome. They would only serve as weaknesses. If you can’t protect them, do not keep them by your side.”
And so, Aoife, from childhood to adulthood, scheming surrounded me, as no one ever loved me, nor did I love anyone. What was familial love? It turned into a pool of blood at the age of five. But love, I learned too late… You were my first woman at thirty, my only beloved. I love you dearly, like a fish gasping for life without water. I want you to stay by my side, to build an equal relationship. If you choose to leave, I will let you go. But please, grant me a chance to pursue you. Hold on, Aoife, for the person who deserves retribution is me, not yourself. You shouldn’t die… I should be the one to leave.”
In the still room, Finn muttered in agony, tears all dried up, his voice choking with sobs, amidst the monotonous echo of the heart monitor.
One moment he stared at Aoife’s face, the next at the fluctuating data on the machines, unable to describe the turmoil within him, fearing was an understatement as the cardiac monitor line oscillated, his own heartstrings taut.
“Drip-” the sudden shrill sound rattled Finn’s eardrums, that erratic line gradually transitioning into a flat one. Finn’s pupils constricted, feeling as if he plummeted from the sky, mouth open but no sound emerged.
It wasn’t until the nurses pushed him out of the room, the doctors rushed in one after the other, instruments and medicine in tow, each member trained expertly, moving swiftly.
“The patient’s heart has stopped, prepare for defibrillation-.”