Like an outsider, Hamish stood alone watching as Elisa carefully cradled the cat in her arms, treasuring it as if it were a precious gem. His heart tightened painfully; he felt miserable. Elisa, holding Mimi, turned to leave. Seeing Mimi, she had no desire to stay a moment longer in this place.
As she tried to leave, Hamish reached out to stop her. Though he had lost some weight, he still stood taller than Elisa, like an impenetrable wall. “I’ve missed you so much in these past three days,” Hamish said, his voice hoarse. His eyes were bruised, perhaps from lack of sleep, with dark circles underneath and bloodshot eyes, as if he had been crying all night.
His words, coupled with the strained voice, would have evoked sympathy from anyone. Unfortunately, Elisa was not just anyone. “I understand. Please, let me go,” she said coldly.
When Elisa gave him a cold look, Hamish felt as though his heart had been shot, the pain overwhelming. He wiped his face. “Elisa, when I say I miss you, I mean I would die without you. Do you understand?”
“I don’t understand, and I don’t want to. Besides…” Elisa paused and sneered, “you’re not dead now, are you?”
Pain and guilt were etched on Hamish’s face. His eyes were red from the pain, and besides the pain in his chest, his head ached, and his legs throbbed. He didn’t know how he had the strength to stand there and talk to Elisa.
“But I am truly dying. Elisa, I’ve never been in love before. I used to think that my mistreatment of Lila and all the wrong things I did made me undeserving of your forgiveness…” Hamish looked at her sorrowfully, tears streaming uncontrollably. “I truly want to let you go, to watch you from afar. But I’ve tried, and I can’t do it. Elisa, I truly love you. No one in this world could love you more than I do.”
Elisa held the cat close, tears still lingering in her eyes. Now, they sank, and she looked at Hamish with a cold, gloomy gaze.
This man claimed to love her? How ridiculous. Loving her on one hand, and pushing her into the abyss on the other.
“Do you know why I joined Finn to burn myself here in the past? It’s because I hated you. I wanted to retaliate against you. I wanted to break free from you. Hamish, I’ve died once. I’m no longer the Elisa you could manipulate. What right do you have to stand here and tell me you love me?”
The woman who had once been entirely devoted to Hamish was burned to death in that inferno.
Hamish felt his chest tightening more and more. He wanted to sit down somewhere, but he couldn’t. If he left, Elisa would leave without a second thought.
Shaking, he wiped the tears from his face and looked at Elisa as if she were a lifeline. He raised his hand slightly, a small gesture. Elisa, holding the cat, stepped back, her guarded look piercing his heart like a knife.
With his head bowed, Hamish forced a bitter smile. “I know you hate me, resent me, and no longer trust me. But what I’m saying is true. Your reappearance in my life is a great gift from above. I never thought I’d cling to you for the rest of my life, only for two years… no, just one year…” Hamish held up his index finger.
In the advanced stages of lung cancer, he would be gone in about three years. He had heard that people with lung cancer only got uglier as the illness progressed. He didn’t need Elisa for a lifetime, nor even for two or three years for her to watch him die. He only needed one year; just a brief year.
When he died, on either side of life and death, he would be unable to entangle himself further.
Such a small wish. If he begged Elisa more, perhaps she would grant it. He felt a bit more confident, looking at Elisa, his eyes reflecting not just pain but also a hopeful anticipation.
“You used to take care of me at home. Now, for the next year, I’ll take care of you. I’ll work like a horse for you.”
“I’ll slowly make up for what I owe you. There are so many things we never did when we were together,” Hamish said, his gaze momentarily distant, as if lost in memories of the past.
“In the three years after you left, I yearned to live like an ordinary couple with you. I’d cook, you’d eat. We’d take walks after dinner, and I’d take care of all the household chores. I wouldn’t work late into the night anymore; I’d spend all my free time with you. We could go to amusement parks, watch movies together, and… yes, I owe you a grand wedding, a suitable ring, and a honeymoon…”
Elisa remained expressionless, looking down at Mimi in her arms, gently stroking its fur, just as she used to scratch its neck.
After listening to Hamish’s “sweet talk,” she finally reacted slightly. “What was not given in the past doesn’t need to be given now. Hamish, have you ever heard the saying, ‘Belated affection is as worthless as grass, like a down comforter in summer, or an electric fan in winter-it serves no purpose’?”
Hamish shook his head. “But a winter fan can wait for summer, and a summer comforter can wait for winter, can’t they? Since they exist, they must have meaning.”
Elisa furrowed her brow, genuinely wondering if Hamish understood human speech.
“Just because you love me, does that mean I must be with you? Forget about a year, a month, a day, an hour, or even a second-I don’t want to be with you. Hamish, why should I be with someone who has hurt me, instead of choosing someone who has been good to me from the beginning? Can’t we all just go our separate ways? Why do you insist on intruding into my life?”
“But didn’t you force your way into my life in the beginning? Elisa, why is it that you can enter my life and leave as you please, escaping without a trace?” Hamish’s emotions flared, and he grabbed Elisa’s slender shoulders.
Elisa was taken aback and tried to struggle, but Hamish’s grip was as strong as a giant clamp. She was afraid of hurting Mimi, so she stood there, stiff and on guard.
Their breath mingled at such close proximity, one trembling, the other cool.
Elisa raised her head, her voice chilly. “Are you feeling wronged? Let me ask you this: when I loved you and you didn’t love me, how did you treat me? And how did I treat you? Did I force you to marry me? I spent four years donating blood to Lila; we’ve long settled our debts.”
“Hamish, look at this cat. It’s so afraid of fire, yet it wanted to save me from the blaze. It waited for me for three years, knowing I was dead. I only took care of it for four months. But you, for four years, I couldn’t warm your heart. I want to know what your heart was doing all that time!”
“Exploiting my love for you, repeatedly hurting me, trampling on my dignity, locking me up like a dog, forcing me to bear your child… have you forgotten all this? Don’t talk about using me to exchange for Lila, a feeble excuse for protecting your weakness! You are not even worthy of being compared to this cat!”
“Now that you claim to love me and want my forgiveness, it’s already generous of me not to strangle you with a dog leash. Don’t joke about belated affection; your regret is worth nothing in my eyes.”
“Stop!” Suddenly, Hamish shouted, and he forcefully pulled Elisa into his embrace. After three years, a delayed embrace, the warmth of a long-missed presence. It was still the same person, the same scent-so why had everything changed?
Hamish wanted to hold this woman with all his might, his arms trembling, as if trying to merge her into himself, to become one with her.
At that moment, it was as if Hamish was a drowning man clutching at driftwood in the sea. If he let go, he would perish instantly.
Elisa struggled fiercely in his arms, with one hand supporting Mimi and the other grabbing his neck, hitting and biting him. She left several fresh, crimson marks on his jawline, and she bit his arm hard.
It looked excruciating, but Hamish seemed to feel nothing, as if another part of his body hurt much more than these external injuries.