At that time, Elisa’s hand bones were directly fractured by an ashtray, and it took nearly four months to heal. During the recovery period, he was also dragged to the hospital to have his blood drawn for Lila.
Memories and reality were both too desolate. He tried to recall some happy days with Elisa, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t think of any. Finally, he remembered a little, and that was when Elisa lost her memory, which he had stolen.
During the months when Elisa lost her memory, it was perhaps the happiest time in the past decade for him. Hamish imagined Elisa lying in his arms, smiling coyly and shyly. His eyes reddened for a moment, and the blood in his mouth became increasingly bitter.
It turns out that neglecting someone’s kindness can also invite retribution, as he had, at the cost of his own life.
“Tobias… do you think, if Elisa knew I had lung cancer, would she come to see me?”
Tobias hadn’t expected Hamish to still be thinking about Elisa at this time. He paused and said, “Mr. Burns, forget about her, just consider her as truly dead.”
“But she’s not dead…” Hamish’s eyes were filled with desolation. He closed his eyes, and various images of Elisa occupied his mind. “Isn’t that so?”
“But she doesn’t recognize you, she won’t forgive you, and she won’t be with you anymore. How is that different from her being dead?”
“But I can still see her.”
Tobias sighed. Fatigue was evident on his face, and he thought of a saying: those who love deeply are often lingering in agony.
Hamish understood that it was too late for “love.” The person who loved him no longer did, and not being loved and no longer being loved were two different concepts.
Just like the poetry of Emily Dickinson, there was a line that said, “I could not bear the darkness, if I had not seen the sun.”
“Even if I die, will she not forgive me?”
Tobias’s eyes were somewhat bitter. He turned away without answering him.
Speaking to himself, Hamish said, “She said, if I wanted her forgiveness, I would have to die once. I’m about to die now. How long can I live with lung cancer? In this short time, will she really not come back to me?” He closed his eyes, tears continuously flowing from the corners of his eyes, wetting his eyelashes.
Tobias couldn’t hold back and sniffled, “When a person dies, forgiveness is meaningless. Mr. Burns, medical technology is very advanced in the country now. There has been a team specializing in cancer research for three years. If you undergo treatment properly…”
“Even if I undergo treatment properly, can I grow old with her?”
Tobias’s silence was the answer. Hamish bitterly smiled, “Perhaps I should have died early, died in the car accident at five, died in the icy water at twenty-one, or followed her at the moment she was burned to death by the fire.”
Hamish choked up, struggling for breath. He took painkillers, but the pain in his heart could not be eased no matter how many pills he took.
He swallowed a mouthful of saliva mixed with blood, looking at the withered old banyan tree outside the window.
Hamish had never imagined that Elisa would look at him so coldly one day. He knelt in the rain, and Elisa stood in front of him holding an umbrella.
If three years ago, she was just a robot devoid of emotions, now she was three feet of cold ice. Even if his heart was as red as iron, it was difficult to melt her.
“The moment I knelt on the ground and begged her not to leave, all that filled my mind was the way she called my name ‘Hamish.’ I felt as if we had always been together, and yet as if we had never been together. This is retribution, isn’t it? Tobias, tell me honestly, if I die, how will she be?”
Tobias pursed his lips, hesitated for a moment, and said, “Perhaps she will be very happy, very relieved, but she might also be sad.”
“I don’t want her to be sad, just happy. At least I truly brought her happiness.”
The atmosphere in the ward became increasingly oppressive. Tobias couldn’t bear it. He tightly held his phone and wanted to call Elisa, but he knew very well that even if he did call, it would be useless. This woman had already given up three years ago.
Tobias awkwardly changed the subject, “Mr. Burns, do you want to eat something? You haven’t eaten since last night.”
Hamish murmured, “Mm,” and after a longpause, he said, “I want to eat lotus seed soup.”
Tobias was taken aback and asked, “Mr. Burns, haven’t you always disliked sweet food?”
With half-closed eyes, Hamish remembered that only Elisa liked sweet things. She loved sweets and was fond of spicy food, but after getting stomach cancer, she stopped eating spicy food and reduced her intake of sweets. The most common thing she ate was plain congee and side dishes.
When Elisa was sick, Mrs. Rugger loved to make lotus seed soup for her. He had seen it once, a sticky bowl of soup, like transparent glue, utterly unappetizing.
The takeout Tobias ordered arrived quickly. Hamish held the bowl and drank, the sweet taste diluting the bitterness in his mouth.
“What did she say to you?”
Tobias was momentarily puzzled, and it took him a while to come back to his senses and respond to Hamish’s question.
“She wants to see Mimi within three days and also the alimony after the divorce.”
Apart from these, Elisa didn’t say much more. In her heart, that cat was more important than Hamish. But thinking about it, during the month when Elisa’s leg was injured, it was that cat that had been with her, right until the moment she was burned to death.
Elisa cared a lot about Mimi. If she didn’t care, she might not have admitted it so quickly.
“You should contact her and arrange to bring Mimi to her the day after tomorrow. Also, transfer the divorce alimony to her as soon as possible. She exchanged it for her life. And… anonymously give her the investigation report, she needs it.”
The report Hamish mentioned was about Elisa’s former company’s financial misconduct. With this report, Elisa could easily deal with them.
“Mr. Burns, aren’t you going to tell her?”
“Tell her what?”
“About your illness and about helping her.”
Hamish shook his head, “I won’t tell her.”
He bitterly smiled, suddenly understanding why Elisa didn’t tell him about her stomach cancer all those years ago.
She liked you. Even if you weren’t feeling well, she would worry about you. If she no longer liked you, even if you were as gentle as a cat, she would still find fault with you.
Elisa had no hope back then, wanting to die and have a peaceful life after divorcing him, but he had forcibly extinguished the flame of hope in her.
Tobias hadn’t had much experience in love and didn’t understand these love-hate relationships, but seeing the pain of Hamish and Elisa, even the hottest heart would be cooled. He would rather remain single for the rest of his life than have such a love that hurt each other.
The ward was filled with the smell of medicine. After speaking, Hamish closed his eyes, his brow furrowed in unease. Just when he had settled down, he began to cough again, shivering under the covers.
Tobias silently watched Hamish, feeling that he had turned into the former Elisa.
In a certain sense, their personalities were quite similar-both endured without speaking out, both were proud and assertive, and Hamish had a bit more arrogance.
Honestly, Hamish was not a good person.