“Hammish, are you afraid that I might suddenly disappear?”
“Are you afraid that you will hear nothing from me?”
“Are you afraid that the next time I enter the hospital, instead of a critical condition notice, you’ll receive a death certificate?”
“And when you see me again, I’m just a black and white photograph?”
“Hammish, remember your words well, go crazy for a lifetime. I wish the two of you a long and happy life, to live until old age and death.”
Hammish had a long dream. Elisa was struggling in a sea of fire, the scorching flames licking her feet, and she writhed on the ground, hitting the French windows in pain. Her ten fingers were stained with blood, leaving bloody marks all over the glass windows, the traces of Elisa’s struggle before her death. Hammish wanted to rush up to save Elisa from the fire, but he couldn’t even get close; a transparent barrier kept them fiercely separated. In the dream, waves of heat blew on his face. He looked up at the sky, the pure sky seemingly dyed red with blood. He knelt on the ground, crying his heart out, as if wanting to shed all his tears. He reached out to grab Elisa, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t reach her hand; he could only watch as the fire engulfed her whole body. Elisa’s eyes were hollow, her expression vacant as she looked at him. With tears in his eyes, Hammish said, “Elisa, please don’t leave me. God, I just want one Elisa, she’s all I have left… Please give her back to me, please?” In his dream, the heavens responded to his words. “Perhaps this lifetime is what you prayed for in your past life.” The person you didn’t cherish, the person you tormented, the person you once rejected, perhaps they are the ones you silently prayed for in your heart to have in this life. Unfortunately, you got her, and then you lost her. “I always thought you wouldn’t leave. You have Mimi, you worry about Mrs. Rugger, you remember Micah, Hattie, and your brother… I thought with so many concerns, you wouldn’t leave…” Hammish reached out to her, tears continuously rolling from the corners of his eyes. Elisa curled up in the sea of fire, her gaze falling on Hammish through the glass, her eyes empty, devoid of any emotion. Hammish’s heart ached, his sorrow had no outlet, and at this moment, his body felt as if it was being torn apart, shaking with pain. In reality, he couldn’t do anything, and in his dream, he was just as helpless. Even embracing her had become a luxury. “Elisa, please talk to me, even if it’s to scold me.” Elisa, with vacant eyes, looked up at him. The surrounding firelight was bright, but it didn’t illuminate her eyes; those dark eyes reflected Hammish’s distressed appearance. She said softly, “The world is fine, but because of you, I won’t come back…” As Elisa’s words fell, her body gradually became transparent, flickering in the firelight, as if she were about to disappear before his eyes. “No!” Hammish, filled with fear, rushed forward to hold her tightly, but he only held onto air. He stared at Elisa before him, so close yet seemingly separated by an insurmountable distance. His trembling hand reached into the air, unable to touch Elisa. Elisa smiled with a sense of release, slowly vanishing before his eyes, how cruel. “Elisa, don’t go! I’ll give you anything you want, even if you want me dead! Please don’t disappear before my eyes, please!” He desperately tried to hold onto Elisa, but her form became increasingly faint, gradually blending into the firelight behind her. As she vanished, he heard Elisa’s hoarse voice, “Hammish, you must live well. Dying would only tarnish my cycle of reincarnation…” Hammish suddenly woke up, surrounded by whiteness, the smell of disinfectant floating in the air. Above him hung a bag of IV fluids connected to his hand. The room was quiet, so quiet that he could hear the dripping of the IV. His face was moist, even the pillow was wet. Remembering the dream he had just had, Hammish abruptly sat up, a piercing pain in his stomach reminding him that this was reality. “Mr. Burns, you’re awake? How do you feel? Any discomfort? Would you like some water?” Tobias held a thermos, and upon seeing Hammish sit up, he quickly went to support him. “Mr. Burns, you’ve been asleep for several hours without eating. I’ve prepared some stomach-nourishing soup for you, would you like some?” Hammish had a slight stomach condition. Drinking too much would cause pain, and although his stomach was fine with a regular lifestyle, the incident with Elisa two months ago, when she had ingested pesticide, had left him with intermittent stomach pains. “Where is Elisa?” Hammish’s face turned pale. He gripped Tobias’s hand with such force that it seemed as if he might crush his bones. Tobias winced, taking a sharp breath and quickly said, “Madam is in the morgue…” Hammish let go of him, got out of bed without even putting on his shoes, and ran outside. Tobias sighed, grabbed the shoes, and followed.
The morgue was in a secluded location; it was difficult for someone unfamiliar with the route to find it. Hammish seemed like a headless fly, darting around. The quiet corridor echoed with his panting. His face, already pale, now seemed to blend with the white daytime light on the corridor and the wall behind him. His eyes were bloodshot, and the tears he shed in the dream had made his eyes moist once again. “Mr. Burns, over here. Let me take you there, but please put your shoes on first.” Presently, Hammish seemed like a robot with a single command programmed into him: “Elisa.” Whatever Tobias said, he did. When he heard that Tobias would take him to see Elisa, he quickly put on his shoes. “Where?” “This way.” Tobias led the way, opening a door and guiding Hammish through a dim corridor to a room. Hammish looked at the tightly closed door. He reached out, pushing it open with a sense of confusion, unease, and helplessness. The rush of cold air made him shiver uncontrollably. Inside were several beds, but only one was covered with a white cloth, hiding everything from view, but Hammish knew-it was Elisa.
As he walked over, his already painful heart felt as if it were being clawed at, persistently and deeply. He once again tasted the metallic tang of blood in his throat. His hand, raised without him realizing it, trembled in mid-air, frozen until it became numb, before he carefully lifted the shroud covering the body. Elisa lay there, the mortician had clearly already prepared her. Her hair was neatly arranged, unlike before, her burns were bandaged, and she was dressed in clean clothes. The mortician couldn’t hide the half of her face destroyed by the fire, so they had covered it with a half mask. Hammish stared at her, “Elisa, next time you sleep, don’t cover your head with a white cloth. It scares me.”