“Why wasn’t it you who died, Hamish?”
Suddenly, Hamish lost the ability to speak, as if a sharp knife had pierced deep into the core of his heart, causing excruciating pain.
“Hamish, I’m so tired.” Perhaps genuinely fatigued, her voice was so faint it was almost inaudible.
Once, she thought that simply being alive was enough, but now she understood that living was the hardest part. It was too difficult to endure, time becoming like a knife slowly cutting into her flesh, tormenting her with every passing minute and second.
“It was just an accident…” All he wanted was for Elisa to be well, but he found Elisa’s complexion growing increasingly unhealthy, her body becoming more and more slender.
It was he who had forced the doctors to remove their child, but he had never considered that Elisa would lose her ability to be a mother.
“An accident?” Elisa looked at Hamish with a hoarse voice. “Was it an accident when you decided to take away my child? Was it an accident when you manipulated my memories? Do you know that one of your ‘accidents’ can destroy someone’s entire life? Are you satisfied now, Hamish? You finally broke the wings of this bird.” Could a bird with broken wings still live?
Hamish admitted that he had been selfish, using any means necessary to get what he wanted. But now he found himself powerless. Initially, he had been the one in control, but slowly the roles had reversed.
“Elisa, everything I’ve done is because I love you too much.”
“Your love comes at too great a cost, one I can’t bear.” During this period of amnesia, Elisa had truly fallen in love with Hamish. She used to marvel at how good Hamish was to her, but now it seemed that all the good he had given her came with a painful price.
Now, all that love had turned to ashes and disappeared.
“Elisa, I’ve never loved anyone in my life, and I don’t know how to love. I want to be good to you, but every time I manage to make things worse…”
“There are many things I can’t tell you. When you were ill, I feared you’d be distressed, and I feared you’d leave me.”
“Elisa, no matter what I do, will you ever forgive me?”
Hamish’s voice grew fainter. The first sentence was for himself, the next two were for Elisa. He seemed like a desperate prisoner, someone who had grown accustomed to the darkness, but Elisa’s appearance had become his only light. Having tasted warmth, how could he willingly return to the darkness? What was he to do with the rest of his life?
“I told you I would hate you for the rest of my life,” Elisa said calmly, speaking of her hatred, yet her face showed no hint of bitterness.
Hamish nodded. “And I said I would make it up to you for the rest of my life, even if you hate me forever.”
The two of them had become entangled. To break free, one end had to be severed, but Elisa’s end was already worn and frayed, ready to break with just a gentle tug.
Elisa closed her eyes.
…
After bringing back the porcelain urn containing the ashes, Tobias arranged for someone to pack a few changes of clothes and toiletries for Hamish at the mansion.
Mrs. Rugger had been nervous for the past two days; her left eye twitched for wealth, her right eye for disaster. Her heart was filled with unease.
Before packing the clothes, Mrs. Rugger asked Tobias, “Mr. Burns hasn’t come back for several days. Is he on a business trip somewhere?”
Tobias replied without much thought, “Mr. Burns isn’t on a business trip; he’s at the hospital.”
“Why is he at the hospital? Is he unwell?” Mrs. Rugger asked with concern.
“It’s not Mr. Burns, it’s Mrs. Burns. She’s in the hospital.”
Upon hearing this, Mrs. Rugger’s eyes widened with shock and fear. She clutched her apron and asked, “Mrs. Burns is back? Why is she in the hospital?”
Tobias didn’t notice her distress. “Hmm,” he responded. The matter of Elisa’s hospitalization due to the abortion was not something he could disclose, so he changed the subject and urged Mrs. Rugger to hurry and pack, as he would be taking the items to the hospital soon.
Mrs. Rugger hurried upstairs, opened the wardrobe, and found Elisa’s clothes on the right and Hamish’s on the left. The two sets of clothing reflected completely different styles, revealing the personalities of the wearers.
She opened the suitcase and began to carefully pack Hamish’s clothes, then added two of Elisa’s. As she held a sweater, tears fell from her eyes uncontrollably.
Is Mrs. Burns in the hospital because her child was taken away? Considering the time, her baby would have been four months old by now.
As she cried, Mrs. Rugger finished packing the clothes and took them downstairs. Tobias was waiting downstairs. He took the suitcase and hurried off to the hospital.
With red eyes and a bowed head, Mrs. Rugger muttered to herself after they had left, “This is a tragedy.”
…
Tobias returned to the hospital. The door to the ward was slightly ajar, and he made careful movements to avoid disturbing the person inside as he peered in.
Hamish sat alone on a small stool, his tall frame slouched. When he heard the movement, he turned to look at the door.
He was still the richest man in Bankshire, the confident man seen on various financial platforms, yet his eyes were filled with indifference and gloom. At first glance, he seemed unsettled, but on closer inspection, vulnerability shone through.
Quickly regaining his composure, Tobias softly pushed the door open and said, “Mr. Burns, I’ve brought your luggage.”
“Take it out and put it in the cabinet.” The VIP ward was well-equipped, with a separate wardrobe that could hold a lot of clothes.
Tobias swiftly unpacked the clothes and hung them in the cabinet. He then stole a glance at Elisa, who appeared to be peacefully asleep in bed. “How is Mrs. Burns?” he asked quietly.
Hamish put his index finger to his lips, and Tobias immediately fell silent. Hamish gestured towards the door, and Tobias stepped outside.
“Mr. Burns, how is Mrs. Burns doing?”
Both men stood in the smoking area. Hamish lit a cigarette and said, “After the hysterectomy, she won’t be able to conceive.” He let out a bitter laugh. “Tobias, did I make a mistake?”
“Mr. Burns, you did it for her own good, but you were too forceful in your methods. You should have told Mrs. Burns from the beginning that she had stomach cancer and couldn’t have a child.”
“I was afraid she’d leave me if she found out.”
“But how is this any different from when she hated you initially?”
The atmosphere in the smoking area grew heavy. For someone like Hamish, who didn’t understand love, it seemed that he could only be ruthless. His intentions were good, but if he went astray in the middle, the outcome would be wrong as well.
“Yes, there’s no difference…” Hamish extinguished his cigarette and leaned against the wall with a bitter smile.
“Mr. Burns,” Tobias pondered for a moment and advised, “Why don’t you let Mrs. Burns go…”
“Impossible!” Elisa was the one sustaining his life. He didn’t dare to think about what his life would be like if he let her go.
“Mr. Burns, do you want a living Elisa or a dead one?” There were many things Tobias couldn’t openly say, but he feared that if he didn’t wake Hamish up, he would regret it deeply.
“I’ve already come this far. How can you expect me to let her go?” Hamish silently roared, his eyes turning bloodshot.
“If I let her go now, she will die. Haven’t you seen the look in her eyes when she woke up? There was no light in her eyes, just a deathly silence. She said she hated me, but there was no emotion in her voice.”
Elisa’s ability to hate was her greatest strength. People have their emotions and desires. Hate, too, could prove that a person was still alive. If it disappeared, she would be no different from a dead person.
Hamish’s emotions were clouded, almost consuming him. Tobias pursed his lips, and with difficulty, said, “Mr. Burns, I am just afraid that you will regret this.”
Hamish gave a bitter smile. “I already regret it now. If time could turn back, I would rather not have met her…” He shouldn’t have developed feelings for Elisa. Being someone who didn’t understand emotions, he would only end up hurting her. Life couldn’t always be as one wished, and now, they had reached a point of no return.
Tobias remained silent for a while. “But you are getting engaged to Lila in two months. What about Mrs. Burns then?”
“It’s just an engagement, not a marriage. Elisa has a rare blood type. I will quickly find someone with the same blood type as hers, so I won’t be restrained by Lila anymore.”
Elisa would definitely need surgery later, and he needed Lila’s blood.
Knowing he couldn’t persuade Hamish, Tobias didn’t say much more. Hamish raised his hand to look at his watch. “It’s been five minutes. I should go back. She’s always afraid of hospitals.”
Tobias watched Hamish’s retreating figure. Since when had that once arrogant figure turned so cold and desolate? It seemed as fragile as porcelain.
…
Elisa was unusually quiet. After the removal of her uterus, she couldn’t eat for 72 hours, only receiving nutrients intravenously.
The nutrient solution was milky white, thick in consistency. Elisa had always been afraid of pain, so Hamish had the nurses use a catheter for the nutrient solution, which flowed slowly and was less painful.
On October 24th, the third day after Elisa’s surgery, Chiwood had gradually become colder. Elisa couldn’t stand the cold; her left hand, which had been outside carrying the nutrient drip, was as cold as ice. The skin appeared bluish, and the protruding veins were striking.
Hamish had a caregiver buy a hot water bottle from the supermarket, filled it, and placed it under Elisa’s hand to keep it warm.
With previous experiences in mind, Hamish was careful not to touch Elisa too much, fearing that he might unintentionally hurt her.
While Hamish was cautiously treading around the ward, Elisa seemed nonchalant, watching TV, daydreaming, and at times, staring endlessly at the birds outside the window.
Suddenly, Hamish remembered something Elisa had said two days before.
-“The bird’s wings were finally broken by him.”
At night, Elisa was often awakened by nightmares, gasping for air, struggling like a dying fish on a shallow shore. Hamish held her tightly, his body warm, but he couldn’t reach her heart.
The icy liquid flowed into the hollow of her neck. He wept for the dead infant and for Elisa losing her right to be a mother.
Regardless of the catheter on the back of her hand, Elisa raised her left hand and tried to grasp the man’s neck.
She was too weak. She couldn’t even harm him in the slightest, let alone strangle him.
Her trembling hand clutched Hamish’s neck, not out of fear or pain, but because of the uncontrollable tremors.
“Don’t touch me. It’s disgusting.”
“Okay, I won’t touch you. Just don’t move your left hand, there’s a needle in it…”
Some blood flowed back, but it was not serious. However, the bulging vein looked disturbing.
Hamish released her shakily and sat back on the chair by the bed. He couldn’t even look directly at her, let alone embrace her in the best way possible.
Their fate seemed predetermined to end tragically, so even an embrace, an intimate gesture, would only hurt them.
…
Elisa closed her eyes again, her mind becoming increasingly drowsy. Sometimes she would confuse the time, feeling like she was still in that inconspicuous little town. The rented room was small, but it was her home; the bed was tiny, but warm enough, and the food was not luxurious, but enough to fill her and her child.
Elisa placed her hand on her abdomen, as she used to, then suddenly woke up, her pupils pitch black.
Her child had long fallen out of her womb, taking his “little house” with him.
It was better that her uterus had gone along with the baby, so the baby wouldn’t feel cold up in the heavens…
Hamish said she was ill and couldn’t have children. She was indeed ill, terminally ill, beyond cure. Only death could bring her relief.
She was alive, yet her soul seemed to havevanished, perhaps burned to ashes and enclosed in a small porcelain jar, accompanying the departed child.