The crowded bus made Elisa worried about pickpockets, so she couldn’t rest with ease even for a moment during the bumpy 24-hour ride from Tarsiers. Finally, she arrived in a small town and rested for a day before continuing her journey, hopping from one place to another along the map’s route, much like a rabbit seeking its burrow.
After two fleeting weeks, she arrived at a village, a place so obscure that even the map struggled to depict it. She rented a flat near the school.
Living here had its pros and cons. The inconvenience of transportation and the local dialect spoken in the town hindered effective communication. However, Elisa was adaptable, and she soon grew accustomed to these challenges.
The advantages, on the other hand, were numerous. Goods were inexpensive, strangers were hard to come by, and there was no need for identification to get things done.
After paying the rent for the flat, Elisa returned to the cramped bedroom. The bed was just a wooden board, requiring her to buy a mattress and blankets.
The houses in the town were not of high quality, but the one she rented was relatively clean, and with some tidying up, it became a stable place to settle down.
Ignoring her need for rest, Elisa spent the afternoon preparing her kitchenware and bedroom essentials like bedding and toiletries. She spent almost two thousand dollars in one go.
There were still many things left to buy. Elisa bought a phone and a SIM card. Her to-do list in the notepad was filled with items she still needed to purchase, including a refrigerator.
Living alone, she opted for smaller appliances. Initially, she had considered buying a washing machine, but she wasn’t sure how long she would stay there.
Thankfully, summer clothes were easy to wash. Her previous life of luxury and servants was now a thing of the past, and she had to rely on herself for everything.
After making her bed, her stomach growled. Ordering takeout wasn’t an option in the town, so she had to either cook for herself using groceries bought from the town or eat out at the nearby restaurants or shops.
Rubbing her stomach, she went to the town, had a bowl of noodles, and then purchased eggs, milk, bread, a can of pickled vegetables, and a five-pound bag of rice from the supermarket.
Her fingers lacked strength, so she had to slide the bags onto her arms. When she returned, her arms were red, marked with sore indentations.
Besides her aching hands, her feet throbbed with pain. Whenever she stopped to rest, a sharp ache shot up from her feet.
Upon removing her shoes and socks, she noticed that the soles of her feet were red, and blisters filled the back of her heels, oozing blood and pus, sticking to her socks.
Elisa gasped and winced. Tears blurred her vision, but she gritted her teeth as she gingerly peeled off her socks, tending to her wounds.
Elisa was extremely averse to pain and suffering. Retrieving a bottle of medicine from her backpack, she sprayed iodine on the wounds. The stinging pain shot from her heel to her head, nearly bringing tears to her eyes.
She endured, but if she couldn’t handle this much pain, how would she cope in the future?
With teary eyes, she sniffed and pushed back the tears that threatened to fall.
After two weeks of constant travel and escape, Elisa suddenly felt dizzy. After a quick tidy-up, she lay down, wrapped herself in the blanket, and closed her eyes. Her mind shut down instantly, as if she had fallen into a deep coma.
The sleep was deep but restless. Due to the continuous stress of the journey, her dreams were filled with fleeing and rushing, making her feel as if she were swaying on a boat.
When she woke up again, Elisa instinctively curled up, reaching out before the cold jolted her awake.
She had already left Hamish.
However, her subconscious still felt as though she was by his side. In that moment of awakening, she wished to nestle into his embrace, to listen to his heartbeat.
Her heart felt hollow, as if it could contain everything yet nothing at the same time.
Elisa sat up on the bed, hugging her knees to her chest, her mind troubled, unable to find peace. Hamish’s image filled her thoughts.
Despite his lies and the exploitation of her emotions, she inexplicably loved him.
She despised herself for this weakness. Why did she have to fall for a man who intended to end the life growing inside her?
Shaking her head, Elisa glanced at her phone on the bedside table. It was already ten o’clock, and she had slept for a full twelve hours.
Elisa had no plans to dine in town. She had bought rice the day before, and she could buy some vegetables downstairs later to cook for herself. Her stomach had been unsettled throughout the journey, and she had vomited constantly, yet motion sickness was the least of her discomforts. A deep-seated pain seemed to emanate from her stomach, as if an invisible hand were squeezing her insides.
Several times she had considered giving up, but as she stared at her abdomen, she gritted her teeth and continued the journey.
For the sake of her stomach, Elisa decided to make some congee and stir-fry some vegetables. This was the first time she had cooked since losing her memory. Even though her memories of cooking had vanished, her habits remained ingrained, and she effortlessly prepared a dish.
Trembling, Elisa plated the food and then struggled to wash the pan. Her hands shook so much that she couldn’t hold the utensils steady, and she accidentally dropped the food on the table. As she stared at the scattered meal, memories of Hamish tenderly feeding her flooded her mind.
Tears flowed uncontrollably as she sat there, eating her congee while crying, as if she wanted to fill the emptiness in her heart.
No matter how she tried, she couldn’t fill the void. It was as if she had lost something essential, and the grief was suffocating.
Clang! Elisa put down the bowl and slapped herself hard.
“Are you that pathetic? He wants to get rid of your baby, and you’re still thinking about him!”
“Disgusting!”
“Shameless!”
“So useless… Stop crying!”
Clap!
One slap after another landed on her face, yet Elisa hardly felt the pain. She just wanted to slap away the images in her mind.
In the quiet house, only her stifled sobs filled the air.
She didn’t want to feel this way. She wanted to erase Hamish from her mind completely, but to forget someone, she first had to forget all the habits she had with him.
She had been so foolish, repeatedly deceived by Hamish’s lies, and now she couldn’t let go of him. She hadn’t learned her lesson, and she felt she deserved it.
She had wholeheartedly nurtured a man full of deceit with her sincere heart.
During the day, Elisa went to buy some daily necessities and fresh meat, storing them in the refrigerator. The landlord of the flat was a woman in her thirties with two children. They didn’t interact much, but on the day they signed the contract, the landlord was very accommodating and amiable.
The landlord also lived in the same building. It was a five-story building, and Elisa rented a flat on the third floor while the landlord lived on the top floor.
Passing by Elisa’s flat, the landlord knocked on her door and brought some homegrown vegetables as a gift.
Elisa accepted the vegetables and hurried to check if there was something she could give in return from her fridge.
The landlord smiled and said, “There’s no need for a gift. These are just some homegrown vegetables. By the way, are you living alone?”
Looking around the clean and desolate apartment, the landlord could sense the loneliness.
“Yes, it’s just me,” Elisa replied.
The landlord, though curious, didn’t ask too much. After all, it was someone else’s private matter. However, she contemplated taking better care of her in the future; after all, it’s not easy being alone, and besides, the other person looked thin and unhealthy. Half of the reason for coming here was to be close and recover.
This kind of thing, she had encountered before.
The landlord sat for a while and then went back. As she left, she advised, “If you need anything, just find me. You have my phone number and Facebook. If you’re bored, come over. Even though this place is not worth much in the town, the people here are very hospitable. Around six or seven in the evening, there’s square dancing downstairs. If you’re interested, I’ll add you to the group.”
Elisa nodded. She didn’t dance square dance, but it was good to make friends if someone led her.
Not long after the landlord left, Elisa received a message on Facebook inviting her to join the group.
Elisa agreed, and there were a total of thirty-six people in the group, making her the thirty-seventh member.
As soon as she entered, she received a row of welcomes, the emojis showing blooming prosperity.
…
It’s said that pregnant women are often hungry, but Elisa didn’t feel it. In the evening, she ate the leftover porridge from lunch and then went downstairs with the landlady to meet quite a few people.
Knowing that Elisa was looking for work, those people kept an eye out for her.
Finding a job in the town was already difficult, not to mention that Elisa’s hand had been injured, making it hard for her to even hold chopsticks, let alone do any strenuous work.
So, despite all the attention, she hadn’t found a suitable job.
In the evening, Elisa went with the landlady to buy buns, steamed buns, and Chinese rolls to be left as breakfast for the next day.
Elisa had a small appetite, so she bought a pea pod bun and also saw yogurt on offer at the supermarket, so she bought a small box to put in the refrigerator.
The next morning, she ate the pea pod bun and yogurt, but halfway through, she almost threw up. She touched her stomach and murmured, “Baby, I’m sorry. I can only let you suffer with me, Mom.”
Two months passed in a flash, and the baby in her belly was already three months old. Elisa began to have pregnancy symptoms.
A three-month-old fetus was just beginning to take shape. Elisa was so thin that her abdomen was still flat at three months pregnant, only showing a slight bump when she took off her clothes.
The baby hadn’t started moving yet. Elisa gently touched her belly, a warm smile on her face.
Alone at home with no one to talk to, Elisa had gotten into the habit of talking to herself, sharing whatever was on her mind with the baby in her belly.
Prenatal education was also important. In addition to speaking, Elisa would play music from her phone, read more, and fill her entire day so she wouldn’t keep thinking about Hamish.
Lately, the landlady had found a job for her, as a cleaner, sweeping the streets. It was heavy work that men usually did.
The pay wasn’t high and was unstable, but for Elisa, it was good, and it was a daily wage job.