“I used to think I was a loyal person, that I would love someone for a lifetime, even if I hit a wall I wouldn’t look back,” Elisa smiled, “But now I’ve realized, liking someone can get tiring.”
Why did she like Hamish? She had seen a comment online before.
When you like someone, you feel like they are glowing all over, you can’t help but get close to them, like a moth to a flame. But if they never respond to you, eventually you’ll feel that glow gradually dim, becoming just a speck of dust in the universe.
You try hard to remember what they looked like glowing all over, but no matter how hard you try you can’t recall it. Later you realize that glow was just the light in your own eyes the first time you saw them.
And the light in her eyes was the Hamish from sixteen years ago, carrying her home on his back.
It’s just that this ray of light lingered in her eyes for too long.
“Then why do you want him to like you? Didn’t you already spend four years and still not understand?” Hamish is just a cold-blooded creature, he will never like you in his life, don’t waste your time on him,” Micah’s words stung her ears.
“It’s not really a waste of time, I don’t have many days left anyway, I just wanted to take a gamble, betting that he would fall in love with me, betting that after I die he would be filled with regret, unable to sleep at night, restless, and regret it for the rest of his life.” She said this firmly, speaking to Micah but also reminding herself.
“What if you lose the bet?” Micah still disagreed.
Madness was already showing in Elisa’s eyes: “If I lose, I’ll just die, I won’t lose anything. But if I win, I’ll be very satisfied.”
Micah’s expression froze, a chill rushed from his chest instantly spreading through his body. In this moment Elisa was like a different person, he stared straight at her, afraid that if he blinked the person in front of him would completely disappear.
Elisa slightly retracted the coldness in her eyes: “What could be better revenge than him falling for me just as I completely disappear.”
In the past she had wanted Hamish’s love because of feelings, but now it was for revenge. Once someone is filled with hatred they will stop at nothing, using anything and everything.
She had already spent so many years, one more wouldn’t matter. Perhaps some would say she was stupid for wasting most of her life on one man.
But who could stand in her shoes and really think about it – she only had a little over a year left, suffering from cancer, clinging to life with medication each day.
Later stages of the illness would only get more severe, her whole stomach filled with cancer cells, then she wouldn’t be able to eat anything, unable to sleep night or day, coughing up blood ceaselessly, pain occupying her nerves. Perhaps she wouldn’t even have the energy to think or get revenge.
Hamish had ruined her faith, so she had to fight him desperately. She had to return all the pain he had inflicted on her.
Now she had nothing left, only this extremely cruel way to get revenge on Hamish.
The odds of her winning were very low, but as long as Hamish cared for her a little more, then her death wouldn’t be in vain.
Micah understood Elisa’s desire for revenge, but he couldn’t agree with it. He hoped Elisa would prioritize her health and life first, not hatred.
He understood her resentment, he understood her wanting revenge on Hamish, but why couldn’t she focus on living well and happily as her revenge?
If Elisa obediently accepted chemotherapy and medication, her time wouldn’t be so limited.
But now she had bet everything on a scumbag. Was this really worth it?
“Elisa, is this really worth it?”
“To me right now, yes, at least I can live meaningfully instead of just waiting to die,” Elisa smiled faintly. She was beautiful, and her smile was like a ray of sunlight in the cold snow, illusory, a gust of wind or moving cloud making it disappear instantly.
Her illness would eventually come to light, so she might as well make it meaningful when it did, letting the faithless man cry for her. She had no regrets.
Elisa was smiling, but her eyes were bleak and lifeless.
Elisa asked, “What time is it now?”
Micah took out his phone for a look: “Half past one.”
Half an hour had passed, so Hamish should arrive soon.
“You should go now, Hamish will be here soon.”
Micah looked at her worriedly. Elisa reached out and pushed him lightly, just like she used to beg him to indulge her when they were young.
“Go on, I’ll be fine. Just pretend you’re leaving so Hamish doesn’t misunderstand.”
Micah gritted his teeth, “Then I’m going. Take good care of yourself, call me if anything happens. Even if I have to risk my life I’ll take you away.”
“Okay,” Elisa promised.
Micah took one last look at Elisa then turned to leave.
Elisa watched him go, her eyes blurring slightly. She blinked and looked out at the bright sunny day.
Summer was finally coming to Bankshire.