Anytime I saw the characters in movies staring at each other for too long, I always felt the need to hit a hammer against their heads, which would probably make them understand that staring at each other for a long time was crazy and not so romantic. Not for once would I have thought I would be staring at a man for more than thirty seconds.
I crossed my fingers, trying as much as possible to ignore the heaviness and hard thumps in my heart. I just needed this dream to end. But, that didn’t seem to be working. This was reality. Ryan had just said he liked me?
Wait, what? Sweet Jesus!
Praise, Vicki, Tracie, mom and dad, had said that he always came to visit me, only because he liked me. But no, they were wrong. He didn’t like me. He had said he loved me!
I had thought I wasn’t his type. So, how could he like me? How? When? Where? And wait, me? The middle class chic? Okay, I would admit, Sherri had a good reason to hate me.
I looked away, blinking like a crazy person. “No, no.” I gasped. “How’s that possible? Is this a joke? You shouldn’t love me.”
He sighed. Turning to him, he looked away. He played with the button on his shirt, obviously not paying any attention to it. “I can’t believe I just said it. I mean, it makes me feel better.”
“This is… crazy.” I pulled a concerned look.
He turned to me. He was smiling. That cute smile. “If you didn’t get fired, today makes it a year and one month since you became my secretary.”
“Don’t get what’s going on.”
“I guess this is the perfect moment,” he said. “It’s been eleven months since I realized the feelings I have for you. At first, I thought I was infatuated. But, then, when the feeling lasted for too long, I knew it wasn’t the usual one I had for any other lady ”
I swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, but I’m too dazed to believe you. I mean, you say it’s eleven months? No one treats a woman he likes, the way you used to treat me.”
“I’m not a typical guy.” He resumed playing his fingers around his shirt’s button. “I’m pretty unique. I used to treat you that badly cause I never wanted to admit my feelings. I didn’t know I was only harming myself. The more I treated you badly, the more I got attracted to you.”
“But, how can you like me? We’re completely different, and—”
“I also don’t know how it happened.” He cut me off, stared at me, strange emotions running in his eyes. “It hurts. Sometimes, I feel regretful about it. Whenever I see you around other men, I feel hopeless. I can’t help but react wrongly in such cases. Guess that’s the reason I become frustrated when I see you with them.”
I gave him a neutral expression. I was speechless.
“Two or three months ago, Raymond and I were at a business dinner. He was drunk, and began saying that he likes a woman at his office. He mentioned your name. From that moment, I felt too miserable. I realized that I can’t keep my feelings for too long.”
“But…” I looked down. I felt so puzzled. “What about Sherri? What about the women who like you? What’s gonna happen to them all?”
“Sleeping with other women, hanging out with them, didn’t stop me from loving you. So, what makes you think Sherri can do anything?”
I was silent. I didn’t know what to feel. He sounded so sincere, but I didn’t think I could trust him. Sherri had always been a problem to me. Accepting his love would only make things get worse between her and me.
“I… don’t know what to do.” I sighed, and looked at him.
He smiled, and turned away. It seemed like he was avoiding eye contact with me. Was he shy or what?
“Sherri isn’t someone I can have some feelings for. She’s not worth it,” he continued. “It’s not easy to get heart broken. Can’t take the risk of trusting her.”
“But, you think you can trust me?”
“I know you more than you think.” He gave me a sideways glance, then looked out at the view from the window. “I was stalking you for a while. Knowing it was wrong, I stopped. I managed to get to know where you live, and also found out that you have no boyfriend.”
“Gosh, how?”
He shrugged. “My love was leading to an obsession. I was scared of becoming an idiot, so I tried so much to avoid you. That was the reason I travelled to England, six months ago.”
As he was stating these things, his attitude towards me in the past few months was beginning to make some sense. Was this the reason he had made me work excessively? Only because he had wanted to dislike me? Was this the reason he hated Raymond more than he used to? Was this the reason he had wanted me to come to his house at all costs? And, was this the reason he had… kissed me?
Damn, this was crazily weird!
“Wow. I’m so surprised,” I said.
He set his eyes on me. “It’s hard to say it, but I feel good now. I really don’t care if you hate me after what happened at Twinkle Stars. I could’ve kept this to myself for a long time. But, if anything, questioning my character, pisses me off. Though we’ve been friends for a while, you thought I framed you?”
“I didn’t mean what I said.” The wrinkling of my eyebrows and the pursing of my lips, were proof that I felt bad. “I’m sorry, but that was all I could think about. You shouldn’t blame me, you know? I-I really wouldn’t have thought that you like me.”
He leaned close, and shook his head. “No, I don’t like you. I love you.”
Okay. This was it. I had no choice but to blush. A dude loved me? This was my fantasy!
“Thank you,” I said.
He took my left hand, squeezed it in his, a bit of despair fidgeting in those cute, blue eyes. “I don’t know what you feel. But, I need an answer. I just wanna know whether or not I should move on. Loving a woman for eleven months hasn’t been so good for me. It’s really hard.”
“Don’t know what to say. Ryan, I understand you. But, I think I need some time to think about this. I don’t wanna make any mistakes.”
He smiled. “Don’t try to be perfect. I’m ready to love you for you. If you aren’t the person I want, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.”
I smiled too. “Thanks for making me feel good. Mind giving me some time to think about it?”
“You’ve got all the time in this world.” He beamed in excitement. He tweaked my cheek, leaned backwards. “As long as my heart yearns for you, you’re free to take your time.”
I giggled. “Good.”
He grabbed his keys, and started the car. Glimpsing at me, a smile crept to his lips. “Buckle your seatbelt. Wanna take you home, queen.”
Again, I giggled. “Thanks.”
***
I tugged my hands to my shirt, waiting for Ryan to say something. He just stared at me, making my heart beat fast for some reasons I didn’t know. Of course, he wanted to speak, but he seemed hesitant.
“Go on,” I instructed. I had to break the silence between us.
He sighed. “Mind if I pick you from work tomorrow? I’ve gotta… show you something.”
“Hm…” I sucked my teeth. “Okay. That should be fine.”
“Thanks.”
He took a step close. As he did so, my heart jumped right out of my chest. Those emotions sprinted in his eyes, and I knew what he wanted. It wasn’t just him that felt the emotions. I felt it too.
I liked him. It wasn’t a fantasy. It was real. Prior to the moment I had accepted my feelings, I had known that my heart raced for him. I had known my attraction towards him wasn’t the casual one. But, I had failed to realize that something called “love” was cooking up in me.
Dug in the strange emotions I felt, I leaned close, and locked my lips against his. This time around, I kissed first. I was glad to know that I had fallen in love for a second time. Most especially, I was glad to know that someone loved me.
Had I thought I wouldn’t ever find love again? Yes.
He returned my kiss, his lips mild and gentle on mine. He wasn’t kissing with aggressiveness, but with nothing but passion. I knew he liked this.
Pulling away, we stared at each other for a while. Completely shy and short of words, I waved at him, turned around immediately, traipsing towards the door. Accidentally, I tripped on a small rock which was stuck to the ground, and felt embarrassed, knowing that he must have seen me stumble on something. Nevertheless, I kept walking, and stepped into the house.
Quickly, I shut the door behind me, lazily slammed my back against it, gasping for air. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I had kissed Ryan? Oh, shit! That was embarrassing.
“Honey, are you okay?” Mom spotted me, as she was about walking up the stairs. She hurried over to me, seeming so worried.
I blinked about two hundred times in one second, trying to fathom all that was going on. First, Ryan liked me. No, he loved me. Second, I had kissed him.
I nodded at mom. “Yes. I think I’m okay.”
Expecting her to buy that, she shook her head instead. “No, you’re not. Your cheeks are red, and you look like you got stuck in a dishwasher.”
I rolled my eyes as if I was giddy, my lips bent sideways like that of a drooler. As if I was groggy and weak, I threw my body into mom’s, letting out a shaky and raspy sigh as I leaned my jaw on her shoulder.
“Mama Alan, I think I’m in love,” I sputtered.
“Huh?” She sounded confused.
***