One true family member had a very rough time though. That would be Andi Doyle, who I call “Doc” because she’s a doctor. She’s Tom’s daughter which technically makes her some kind of stepsister to me. Three or four months back, I ran into Andi at the law school. She took the subway down from Columbia-Presbyterian Hospital to see me and found someone who admitted knowing me. Andi tracked me down in the library. She was beyond upset. We had a special bond, developed when she and I had a jaunt to Dutchess County while Suze was in Ireland and she told me things she had never told anyone else.
She was seeing Jack Olson, a fellow doctor, when Suze and I got married in September 2018. (I cannot believe it is already nearly a year.) The day she came to the law school, she met him for lunch in the hospital cafeteria as they often did when their shifts aligned. She could tell he had something special to say. She thought he was going to propose. That he would get on a knee and pull out a ring and when she said “Yes,” as she surely would, all their friends would jump up and cheer. Someone would do the video and they would be a YouTube smash. He looked nervous. Surely he knew she would say “Yes”?
But he did not get on a knee and he pulled nothing from his pocket and no one was videoing it. He told her—she told me this between flurries of tears—that he did not love her and that he loved someone else. He gave all the fucking excuses. He tried. It was not working. She’s a wonderful woman.
“At least he didn’t fucking say, ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ That is when he got up and left. He didn’t even take his damn tray.”
Andi was able to smile at that last bit. “He was such a slob.”
So we walked across campus and took the Number 1 Train up to her place in Washington Heights. We did not say much on the trip. I held her hand and she leaned her head on my right shoulder. The subway becomes an el—elevated train—shortly after clearing Columbia; it mostly stays above ground so you can look out. She was lightly looking out the window opposite us.
I had never seen her like this. She was always a rock. Before she was with Dr. Jack, she, Suze, and I would joke about her wild-and-crazy sex life, even though we all knew it was fiction. She was so happy with him and we knew she was waiting for him to pop the question. The three of us, sometimes joined by my Mom (Andi’s stepmom) Eileen, talked about when and where.
And now. SHE THOUGHT HE WAS ABOUT TO PROPOSE AND HE DUMPED HER.
When we got to the apartment a little after four, she just wanted to lie down. While she went to the bathroom to take care of some things, including getting two aspirins, I went into her bedroom and removed the three or four pictures of Dr. Jack, smiling Dr. Jack, that I saw. The bed was not made, but she came in and fell into it. I removed her shoes. I kissed her on the forehead and started to leave when she asked me to stay. To just be there with her.
I told her I had to pee and asked if I could give Suze and Mom a call and she nodded.
My wife and my mother were as stunned as I was. This was simply not an option. I was quick with them, and told them to stand down until Andi was in better shape. Mom said she would tell Andi’s father, Tom.
I was not gone for long when I got back to her room. She was on her side in a fetal position. Staring. Just staring. Completely out of tears. I wanted to go to the hospital and rip his fucking head off. He was at my wedding the schmuck.
I sat on the floor, my back to the bed so that my head was next to Andi’s. She was silent for a minute.
“I don’t know why I didn’t see it. There must have been signs but I didn’t see anything. It was so good.”
She paused. I brought my left arm up to rub her cheek. Her right hand grabbed it when she thought I was pulling it away. She kissed my hand and put it back on her cheek. I left it there.
I knew I was there but not there. She was in a place alternating among the past, the present, and the future.
“He always said I was all he ever wanted, all he could ever want. I did everything he asked me to do in bed and I loved it. I loved him. Why didn’t he love me? I did everything he wanted me to do.”
She was again quiet. I turned and saw that her eyes were glazed over.
“Kerry. Will you hold me?”
I stood.
“We need to get you ready for bed.” She turned on her back and I unbuckled her belt and unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans and she lifted her butt meekly and I pulled them down and off. She sat up, and I reached for her shirt and pulled that up and over. I was leaving her in her underwear. I took my shoes and pants off and climbed onto the bed when she turned back onto her left side. I scooted under the sheet and blanket and lay down, putting my right arm around her.
“That’s nice. I love you Kerry.”
“I love you too Andrea.” That may have been the first time I used her full name. “Now you need some sleep.”