His last words to her, as she got out of his car: “I’m sorry. Goodnight.” She waited twenty minutes for the train to arrive and she felt like a whore.
For his part, William felt nothing. What happened to him…no, what he did seemed inevitable, a train set in motion on the day his wife left him in his house and accelerated on the day his daughter disavowed him in that park in New York. He sat on the sofa where he sat when his wife spit her ultimatum at him in July, the day before she left him. Today was another Sunday, now in September. And he was alone with his single-malt, neat, and his thoughts. He had done it. It had been so easy, and he had done it. Less than a month after congratulating himself in early September about having overcome the temptation to simply accept his daughter, and his sister, he had done something worse than they had done. The sacred vow he made before his God, of fidelity, was smashed, and he feared his faith was in tatters.
William did not go to work on Monday. His secretary rebooked some meetings, and he got on three client-conference-calls but otherwise he just sat, until noon, when he got up and got dressed and walked into Mill Valley and to his Church where he genuflected before kneeling in a pew not far from the altar. His wife had told him about having done something similar in New York and how important it was to her in clarifying herself and her faith. After a minute or so, his knees not being what they once were, he lifted himself and sat. The Church was otherwise empty, with a handful of votive candles flickering on either side. There was a hint of incense in the air, presumably from an earlier funeral. He stared at the large crucifix behind the altar. He spoke to his God and asked for his God’s forgiveness. He had sinned.
He got up and walked to the rectory, asking if a priest was available for his confession and, being recognized, he was told that Father Charles would meet him in the Church and when Father Charles arrived they entered the Confessional and William told Father Charles what he had done the day before. After telling the priest that he regretted it and vowed not to do it again, he received his absolution and God’s forgiveness and he walked home.
On Tuesday morning, he was at work, attending to the things that he had neglected the day before.
Maya Distraught
Maya Yang did not go to work on Monday either. The night before she stood under the shower for thirty minutes, until the water turned icy. What she did was wrong, but she felt it was inevitable. He selected her to be his confidant, and she accepted him to be her lover. She realized that all the men—boys really—who had been with her fucked her and that she fucked them. No more. No less. William was her first lover and for a brief sliver of her life, she felt complete, the three minutes between when he entered and filled her and when his seed exploded within her womb. She even cherished the moments when he left her to finish herself off, thinking that we would return to lie with her in their bed.
It came crashing down moments after she realized it was his daughter’s bed and when he wanted her to leave as soon as she could, to practically throw her into the street. She wanted it even more. She puked in the train car as it approached the city. By the time her shower water was cold, she thought she was empty of all tears. But they reemerged and carried her into a fitful sleep.
“I’m sorry. Good night.” His last words to her.
By Monday night, she was recovered enough to resume her life. If only she could not have met him for lunch back in July. He would have met someone else and that someone else would be beneath him as he exploded the night before but that someone else would not be her. So Maya moved on, slowly reclaiming her heart.
Confessions
William partook of the apple and for a day he was cast out but his life quickly resumed its trajectory. His brain really did work in that way. His religion offered him simplicity otherwise absent from his life. The episode with Maya was a test he failed. But his God gave him the chance to be restored and He would not be forsaken. On the following Saturday, he thought again of Maya Yang. He was cruel to her. He did not intend it but that is what it was. He used her. He fucked her. He discarded her and in his darker moments he tried to think of her as a whore but he knew she was not. He sinned against God, he sinned against his wife, and he sinned against Maya Yang. His God forgave him. Maya Yang never would. He had to call his wife.
The Call
Kate’s phone read “William.” It was early on Sunday afternoon, just over a week after Suzanne’s wedding. She was relishing memories of it as she sat on the sofa in her apartment reading “Persuasion.” She was staring at her phone. It rang four times before answering with a cold “Yes.”
“Kate, it’s me.”
“I know. What do you want?”
He expected coldness. Hearing it chilled him.
“I need to confess something to you.”
“William, you needn’t confess anything to me anymore. Unless you tell me what you need to say about Suzanne I do not care what you think you—”
“I fucked someone,” he interrupted.
“Do you love her?”
“Of course not. I needed someone and—”
“You needed someone? You’re pitiful. You’re calling me to get absolution. I’m sure your Church has given it to you. But—”
“Kate, just listen for fuck’s sake.” He was angry and desperate, and she knew it.
“Go ahead.”
“Kate…I took her home. She’d been an associate at the firm years ago. She was almost random”—this was not helping his case—”and I did it in Suzanne’s room.” He paused.
Kate was stunned. “Tell me one thing,” she asked. “Did she look like your daughter?”
“She’s Chinese…but maybe a little—”
And those were the last words Kathleen Nelson ever heard from William Nelson.