JODY
It was time to get back up, despite how much my heart was hurting, I decided with resolution as I dressed up, and grabbed my car key and my purse.
I was going to a grocery shop to get groceries even though my kitchen cabinet was still quiet full of food items.
I just need to do something I really hate, it was the only way to get my back into function, to think for myself and if possible get rid of my heart ache.
Doing things I hated helped me face reality, and at this point, facing reality was what I needed most. It was over a week and I was still mourning the breakup of someone I dated for only a month, someone who must have even moved on to someone else, maybe someone whose heart he would break after a month. It wasn’t even a real date, we were simply testing and he realized he had had enough and wasn’t interested in me enough.
No hard feelings, Marcus Grant, I get it.
I hopped into my car, thinking of a way to make the grocery shopping more fun, so I decided to call Grace since NK would be in a therapy session by this time. She should be free now that she was together with Connor and Laurel.
We could even add Laurel to the fun fare, the more the merrier, I hoped as I dialed Grace’s number. She picked after two rings.
“Gracieee,” I cringed at my unnecessarily high pitched voice as it rang out from my throat. It was obvious I was trying too hard to sound okay.
“Hey, Jody?” Grace’s voice was calmer, “How are you feeling now? Are you okay?” she asked, her voice laced with concern.
I know my friend would be sensitive enough to know I wasn’t okay yet, but trying to act that way.
“I’m great, BFF,” I tried sounding more natural now, “What do you think about an impromptu grocery shopping this beautiful morning?” Urrrgh! That isn’t sounding like me at all.
“Grocery shopping? You want to go grocery shopping? Jody are you sure you are okay?” Grace asked, disbelief etched in her calm voice.
“Sure, I’m out of food stuffs already, and I thought maybe you’d love to come out for a girls time,” I lied cheerfully.
Grace let out a disappointed sigh that terrified me. “I’m so sorry, Jody,” she pleaded, “Connor is taking Laurel and I to see his mother. I’m so sorry, having a girls time with you now sounds really exciting and inviting.”
It was my turn to be shocked. Connor’s mother’s place? I doubt it would do any good though, she’s an extremely strong-minded person.
Luna Barbara Shelby.
I wonder if my friend and her child will be fine being around someone who makes it obvious that they don’t like you or want you for their child.
“It’s okay Gracie, are you sure you will be okay? This is so sudden.” I mused into the phone, worried for my friend.
“I will Jody,” Grace replied more urgently, “We would talk when we get back. Meanwhile enjoy your grocery shopping and stay strong okay?”
“Sure,” I laughed and ended the call.
It seems I have to face getting back into the world on my own now. I owed it to myself, I thought as I started the car and drove out of my apartment’s parking lot into the free-way.
I will be okay, I repeated to myself like a lifesaving mantra even as tears welled from my insides threatening to erupt out like a lava-filled volcano through my eyes.
I had been trying to act fine, but it felt as though I was playing the part of Jody McGuire and all this wasn’t really happening to me at all.
Acting like it wasn’t hurting like hell. The hurt came with thoughts that tortured me, and sensations that were even worse. I would imagine Marcus touching me, and the feeling was so real that I would quiver. I would see him smiling at me, and smile back at nothing. I would hear his laughter and turn my head towards it, to find it was only an echo in my agonized mind.
Worst of all, I would awake some mornings, so certain he was beside me, it was the devastating shock to find an empty space. It happened time and again, until I felt I was going mad.
I parked at the side of the road to let the tears in my eyes fall freely. Who knows, I might be fined for crying while driving.
I sobbed quietly for a while and when the painful knot in my chest seemed to die down, I checked my face on the review mirror.
I didn’t need anyone to tell me I looked like a shadow of myself. Bedraggled, skinny, sunken eye socket with disheveled hair to go with it.
I didn’t even bother to put on a single make up before leaving the house. For god’s sake, Jody!
I wanted to reverse my car and head back home but they were a long queue of cars behind me so I just had to continue my journey to the grocery mall like a defeated Chihuahua.
When I arrived at the front of the mall, I covered the hoodie over my head and wore a dark glasses, hoping it would be enough to conceal the dark bags under my eyes and my unkempt hair.
I walked in, carried a cart big enough for me to rest on while I strolled round and round sections of the mall, my mind totally blanked out on what to buy. So I decided to start putting random stuff into the cart as people were already giving me a suspicious look.
I checked out on the counter, hurriedly, paid and almost dashed out of the place with the items I bought.
I needed to be in the comfort of my privacy as soon as possible, so I opened the back door placed the items in and was about to slide into my driver’s seat when a firm hand grabbed me by the arm.
I raised my head instinctively only to meet Marcus’s blood shot brown eyes glaring down at me. My heart began an irregular beat as I finally saw the one person it had been longing for. I wasn’t prepared for this, I didn’t think I would see him here and now even though this was the same Mall it all started.
He was still the last person I was hoping to see at this moment when I felt like my legs were giving away.
He was still so good looking even with all the stubble on his cheek. I wondered vaguely how long it had been since he shaved or even had a hair-cut as his dark hair fell on his face, touching his eyes.
But I was trying to get over him, not welcome him back with open arms no matter what his intentions were.
“Let go,” I said icily, trying to snatch my arm from his hold but he didn’t budge. His grasp on my arm was too firm, too rigid.
His eyes softened and to my horror, I was fighting so hard not to break down in front of him. My pride and self-worth depended on it me leaving his presence with my head held up high.
“What do you want, Marcus?” I tried to sound cold and impersonal.
“One hour of your time, Jody, nothing more,” he said huskily and I should have laughed but trembled instead.
“Why would I give you one hour of my time?”
“Because you deserve an explanation.”
“Well I don’t think I so, Marcus, goodbye.” I concluded and wretched my hand from his hold and was about to open my car when he hauled me like a child into his arms and carried me to his car parked close by the side of the road.
I struggled, kicking, hoping to get help from people around but I felt hopeless as they were all staring at Marcus and I like a love sick couple.
“I’ll get someone to take your car home,” he said calmly as if he wasn’t carrying a whole human being.
I was hurled into the passenger seat as Marcus placed the seat belt around me securely before entering the driver’s side and driving into the road completely opposite from the road leading to my house.
I yelled at him at the top of my voice to let me out but he simply maintained poise, driving in an insane speed as if he wanted to kill himself but would rather not die alone.
Rage burned through me, morphing into curiosity. Where the hell was he taking me to?