JODY
Marcus volunteered to drive so I handed him my car keys and sat on the passenger’s seat.
His car was back at my apartment as I drove us to the date with my own car. We drove to my house in a silence he obviously wasn’t comfortable with as his eyes kept darting from the road to stare at me.
“Jody, is something wrong?” he asked peering into my face before turning to face his steering.
“We need to talk,” I retorted.
“Alright, go ahead.”
“I will when we get home.”
“Tell me now, babe,” he pleaded giving me the puppy eyes. “How can I concentrate when you’re looking like that? Tell me already!”
I was getting angrier already as it stands, so I’ll just go ahead and tell him here.
“Fine.” I said. “What are we right now, Marcus? I need you to tell me.”
“What are we how?” he asked ignorantly.
“Marcus,” I shifted on my sit so I could face him properly, “The one month of me being your girlfriend or whatever it is we’re doing will be over in few days. So I’m asking, do we keep on going or do we stop here?”
“Hey, babe, why are you suddenly talking about that?” he asked with a deep frown on his beautiful face.
Don’t let it fool you, Jody, I say to myself, Focus!
“I’m saying it because you act like you don’t want anyone to know we are together, even your boss. So isn’t it normal I would want to know what is going on in your head? I’m I just a one month side kick or a woman you love?”
I winced at my own words. Saying these words from my mouth sound really derogatory to me, but i have to be blunt if I was going to get anything out from Marcus.
“Or are you still trying to figure out your feelings? I mean, I have never even been invited once to your place!” I continued, but he had stopped looking at me and was facing the road attentively all of a sudden.
He didn’t answer but slowed the car and stopped at the side of a familiar road, turned off the engine and turned to face me.
He was looking so serious now, causing my heart to beat twice as fast. But I wouldn’t assume anything till he said what was on his mind.
“I’m done figuring it out, Jody” he started with cloudy eyes, “And I know I want you. However, I’m not into the dazzling type of relationship you’re are used to or expect from me. My world is much more private and darker and I know you’ll never be able to handle it.”
I fell silent after he said those words, but still couldn’t process what he really meant. He wasn’t saying what it was that I couldn’t handle, he was simply saying I couldn’t handle it? What the hell!
“What are you saying, Marcus?”
He rested one arm on the steering, raking his hair with his other hand.
“I don’t make promises, Jody,” he turned away from me but continued talking. “You deserve better and I would never be the one to give you that better. I guess our one month would be ending quicker than expected.”
He finished and started the engine, driving faster than he was before he stopped to talk. I needed to get things straight though,
“Are you…. Breaking up with me?” I sounded stunned, because I was actually. I didn’t see this coming at all.
But he didn’t reply till we got to the parking space of my apartment. He killed the engine and faced me with an emotionless look I have never seen in him.
“I don’t break up, Jody,” a little bit of emotion appeared in his eyes again, “I’m trying not to hurt you. Ever since I met you again, I knew you were different from my world. You are a breath of fresh air, you are so bright, and I have cover my eyes sometimes.”
He chuckled thoughtfully. “You might never be able to forgive me, but you will understand when you know the real me later.”
I still didn’t understand, or rather, I refuse to understand what he was saying.
“Wait, Marcus, tell me now, I might understand,” my voice sounded desperate and incredulous. “You can’t possibly leave after all we’ve shared right?”
I grabbed onto his palms, willing him to look at me, but he wouldn’t and just kept staring through the windscreen.
What the hell was happening? I thought, feeling a crushing pain in my heart. How could he leave just like that? I didn’t bring that up for us to break up, I brought it up for us to make things clearer between us.
How could he leave after telling me he loved me? Who does that?
“You said you love me, Marcus…” I trailed, my voice was faltering, as my sinking heart.
“I’m so sorry, Jody,” he detangled my hand from his in a way that broke my heart further, “This is actually for the best. You would believe me if you knew better.”
“Tell me what it is, Marcus, I might understand. No I will understand, whatever it is.” a tone of plea was etched in my voice.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. What did I say or do wrong?
“That’s what they all say.” he opened the door of the car and went out like that.
I watched him strode to his car without looking back, slid in and drove out of my apartment without even sparing me a single glance.
Tears flowed freely from my eyes. I couldn’t believe this once happening just after what I did to keep us together.
My stomach churned, my chest felt like it was on fire.
How didn’t I see this part of him? No, no, no. Why was he so adamant that I wouldn’t understand or take him as he was? Who was he anyway?
Well to me, he was the man who made love to me in the most incredible way ever. He was first man to make me dinner himself. He was so possessive over me, and I just couldn’t help believing he really did love me.
I didn’t know if I hated him or was mad at him. I don’t want to do any of the both. I just wanted him back.
I must confess, I have never been this hopelessly in love with anyone, ever.