‘Of course not! Love is not jealous’
I remembered that line that Andrew imitated from me again. Will I be thrilled by that? Is he serious when he said that? Meaning he loves me too?
Too? So you love him? Oh no Alli what were you thinking?! For sure he only said that as a joke, he is just also teasing with his friends. Don’t be so assuming!
But what if I am really falling for him? Oh my this is not right! I thought I was just enjoying his company and it has no malice of anything. But what’s this I am feeling?! This is not good Alli!
You already promise yourself that you will never fall in love with a guy again unless he was the one who fall first right?! Didn’t you learn from the past?!
I was in deep thought when someone texted me. I was suddenly got nervous when I saw the name of the person who texted me.
Its Andrew!
From: Andrew
Alli do we have a problem?
I frowned. Problem? I do have. But us???
I texted him my reply.
To: Andrew
None.
In no less than 5 seconds my phone rang. My heart beat so fast when I saw his name on the screen. Why is he calling me? Will I answer his call? If I decline his call then he will think that we really do have a problem.
Whatever Alli! Just answer the call.
“H-hello?” I stuttered due to nervousness.
‘I thought you will not answer my call.’
I creased my forehead. “What do you mean? How did you came up with a conclusion that I won’t take up your call?”
I heard him sighed aloud. ‘Because it seems like you are avoiding me.’
I am not avoiding you yet. I was about to because I needed to protect myself, I needed to protect my heart.
“What makes you think that?” I asked him.
‘Like yesterday you are not talking to me. When I am approaching you, you are going away.’
I’m kind of guilty there. He should blame the jealous line issue. I kind of feel embarrassed because of that.
“No I’m not avoiding you.” I denied his claim.
‘That’s good then. So we are okay?’ He asked.
“Of course we’re okay.” I just said.
‘Can I invite you for dinner later then?’ He suddenly asked.
I can’t help but giggle. Why is he inviting me for dinner? Does he like me?
“For what?” I asked first.
I tried to sound as calm as possible even if the truth is I wanted to scream due to too much excitement.
‘Nothing, its just that I miss our bonding moments.’
Honestly, I’m kind of disappointed with his answer. So it means that he is just bored that why he is inviting me. My pride was hurt.
“Sorry Andrew but I’m kind of busy now. You know that I only have less than a week before I start to work for Vince.” I said instead.
I heard him sighed again. ‘I understand.’
“Sorry Andrew.”
‘No its okay. So I guess see you when I see you?’
“Sure.”
After that I already dropped the call.
I think I really need to avoid him first. I need to protect myself. He maybe interested in me but it does not mean that it will lead to love. I experienced that once. And that’s enough to stop expecting because in the end I will just feel hurt.
Flashback
I have this classmate when I was in college his name is Jester. We are not really close because I find him so cocky. Even though he is handsome I still don’t like him.
I like handsome guys but aside from looks I also looking at the attitude of the guy. There are guys that what they only have is there face and nothing more.
There are also guys that aside from being handsome, they are also gentleman, smart and rich just like Andrew.
I see Jester as someone who is only has a handsome face. That is why I never have plans on talking or be friends with him unlike all the other girls in our class.
One day my group and his decided to go somewhere and bond. I got to know him there and since then we became close. Though for me our closeness is nothing special.
Even if we somehow became close I never initiated to talk to him. But that guy keeps on annoying me. That is his way for me to talk to him. And because of that we became really close.
And that is when I realize that he is really famous not just in our class but in the whole campus.
Sometimes people will see us talking and laughing with each other, then some girls will whisper but loud enough for us to hear.
‘That girl is so lucky! Who is she? Is she Jester’s girlfriend?!’ I heard the girl number 1 whispered.
‘From what I know, Jester doesn’t have a girlfriend. Maybe she is just his friend.’ The other girl whispered back to girl number 1.
‘Why are they so sweet with each other?!’ Again girl number 1 whispered.
‘You have a point!’ The other girl whispered in agreement.
I just shook my head and tried to analyze our actions. Is this really sweet with them? This guy doesn’t know anything except to annoy me!
Many people have noticed our closeness. Even my cousins are noticing it. I even introduced Jester to them. They said that we look like a couple. I just rolled my eyes when I heard that to them.
I just really don’t appreciate him. Yes he is handsome and fun to be with but I don’t know I just don’t feel anything about him.
Until my cousin and I bought a book about understanding men. There is a list there that says ‘A guy like you if..’
My cousin forced me to buy that book. They said that I should read that and see if Jester really like me or not based on that book.
I told them that I will buy it but not because of him. I will not do what they said. But when I was alone, I open the book and read it.
A Guy Likes You If…
1. He punches you on the arm or touches you “accidentally” in a non-sexual way.
I tried to remember if he do this to be. Yes somehow he did though he did not punch me more like tap and pull.
2. He asks your friends if you’re still single.
Yes he did though he ask his friend to ask me on his behalf. I saw his friend reporting to him after that friend of his ask me if I am still single.
3. He cracks jokes.
Super yes all the time.
4. He keeps looking at you.
Yes. I often caught him staring at me then he will told me that I look beautiful.
5. He notices your outfit, hair, and other things.
Yes. My eyes widen. OMG! So far all my answer in this list is yes. He often notices my outfit especially the style that I like.
6. He gives you sweet things.
Oh that one not yet. So it 5:1.
7. He offers help.
Well yes. Though he is annoying but I must say that he is smart. Even if he is doesn’t want to go to the library, he always goes with me when I ask him. That is why they thought that we have something.
8. He asks you for a dance.
Well yes. But simply because its a birthday party so of course he will ask me for a dance.
9. He loiters where you are.
Of course we’re classmate.
10. He discourage you of your present boyfriend.
Well I’m NBSB. But I always notice him getting pissed when there are guys who is close to me. One time he thought that my cousin is my boyfriend so he told me that he didn’t like the guy and that guy is so cocky. When I told him that the guy he is referring to is my cousin. The next day I was shocked because they are already close.
So 9 over 10. There is still 1 left that he didn’t do to me.
I was bothered since then. I became more sensitive or observant with his actions towards me. He really treat me different compare to others.
But I really find it hard to believe because there is someone his friend is teasing to him. So it only means that is the girl he likes. Though he often tell me that I look more beautiful than that girl. He’s crazy!
The end of the semester is coming when Jester gave me something.
Chocolate. OMG! He completed the list!!!
“What am I going to do with this?” I asked him referring to the chocolate that he gave.
“Throw it!” He coldly said.
“Whatever.” I said then I rolled my eyes.
He tried to gave me again the chocolate.
“Here.” He said.
“Why are you giving it to me?” I asked.
“Someone gave that to me. I found you really pity because I know, no once is giving you chocolate that is why I am giving this to you.” He said teasingly.
“Excuse me?!” I hissed.
“I’m just joking okay?! Don’t get angry with me. Just accept it, I don’t like chocolate.” He said.
“Whatever.” I said then I accepted the chocolate.
Since then I already assume that he really likes me. Because they said action speaks louder than words. He got all the list so why wouldn’t I think of that?
But then my world crashed when I found out that he was courting Rachel, she is our classmate that was teasing him. I felt pain in my heart. Because the truth is I already fell for him so hard to the point that I can not get up.
But I’m not Allison for nothing. I started to avoid him. No matter what he do for me to notice him, still I ignore him.
The new semester started. I met Charles, he is our new block mate. He was late in the enrollment before that why he didn’t became our classmate last semester. We became friends immediately. I get easily get close to boys because they treat me as one of the boys.
He’s a good friend. In a short time we became very close. He helped me a lot to avoid Jester. I told him what happened even about the list. He promise me that he will help me to move on. Even though Jester’s group always bullies him, he didn’t stay away from me.
I can’t stand what they are doing to Charles. That’s why I confronted Jester.
“Jester, what’s wrong with you guys? Why are you bullying Charles and he’s not doing anything wrong with you?!” Annoyed I told him.
He was shocked. This is the first time I have talk to him since I started to avoid him.
“He so conceited!” He just said.
I became more pissed with his answer.
“Conceited? Is that really your reason? Or is it because he is close with me?!” I can’t help but asked.
His eyes widened, he did not expect that I would say that.
“How did you came up with that conclusion?” He asked defensively.
“Don’t you think I didn’t notice that you’re just heating up all the men that I’m close with? And when you finally stay away from me then that’s the time that you will stop?” I told him.
He didn’t answer.
“What is your problem?!” I asked him angrily.
“You. I do not understand why you are avoiding me. What have I done?” He says.
I can see pain in his eyes. Why are acting like that Jester?! You are making me more confused.
“You don’t know?! You lead me on you brute! You always act like a possessive boyfriend that you made me so confused! You made me feel like you like me, that you love me! But then I will find out that you are courting Rachel?! I accepted that. Maybe I just assumed too much. But the way you act right now?! What is it that you really want?!” I can’t help my tears to fall while saying those things with him.
I kept this with me for a long time.
“D-do you l-love me?” He asked nervously.
“What if I say yes will you admit that you love me too?” I asked him bravely.
He didn’t answer me. And that hurt me more.
“Then don’t to ask me that!” I coldly said and left.
Since then they stop bullying Charles. Also, after that semester, Jester moved from other university and I haven’t heard from him since then.
End flashback.
I found myself crying again after remembering that. It was so hard for me to forget him. Actually until now I am not sure if I’m already over him.
So it was dangerous for me to be close to Andrew. Because he is so similar with what I felt to Jester.
Andrew is like Jester to me. While Vince I see Charles very much in him.