He stood outside and was quiet.
I didn’t know how to end this and began to think of myself as being making a fuss.
As the weather forecast said, it snowed at night, heavily.
I spent the night on the balcony, watching the snow, pain in my heart.
Everyone knew that we should let the past enslave us but you still felt pain when recalling the past.
At midnight, I fell asleep on the balcony when my phone rang.
It was Toby.
I was surprised, why did he call at such a late time?
I answered the phone and he said hurriedly, “Mrs. Kennedy, Mr. Kennedy was in the yard of the Lewis family. Can you come and let him go indoors?”
I was shocked, why did he go there?
I asked, “What’s wrong?”
He paused and replied, “He said he was to expiate his sin and he came to the Lewis family. He was in the snow for several hours. I was worried about him.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to recall the painful past.
“I will go there,” I said. My heart hurt.
Clarrie was asleep and I drove there after over an hour.
Only the Lewis family was bright at the time. It was midnight after all.
I went in and saw Dennis, who was almost buried by snow.
He knelt there and a thick layer of snow was upon his clothes.
But he was straight.
Luna and Samuel stood under the roof, with complex complexions.
My appearance broke the silence and Luna fell her eyes upon me. She seemed haggard.
I avoided her look and walked to Dennis.
I was silent and just standing behind him.
Toby was happy at first and now was speechless.
Dennis heard me and looked back.
His lips turned purple and he said in a hoarse voice, “Go back to have a rest.”
I didn’t move.
He frowned and looked at Toby, “Send her home.”
Toby walked to me and sighed, “Mrs. Kennedy, let me drive you home. You cannot stand this coldness.”
I said, “why should I go back since I am here?”
He said embarrassingly, “Sorry, I shouldn’t bring you here. It was my fault.”
I said nothing and didn’t move.
Dennis looked a bit angry.
Samuel looked at me concernedly and painfully. The couple seemed much older than four years ago when they were graceful and decent.
Time can destroy everything beautiful.
“Dennis, this is how you repay your error?” Samuel said angrily, “your selfishness made our family broken apart and what are you doing now? Bring my daughter to bear this pain and force us to forgive you?”
Dennis was surprised.
He looked at the elder and said nothing.
There must be someone that was hurt.
Folly came out of the house and put a fur coat upon me, “Someone must be hurt if this would be settled. Come indoors with me and what you need to do about this issue is to accept everyone else’s apology.”
I looked at Dennis.
I knew that the source of all these was his decision that Olivia instead of me went into the Lewis family.
All agonies derived from that.
Luna looked at me and cried, “Child, don’t inflict yourself. We would repay our debts.”
She took off her coat and shoes and socks and went into the snow.
Samuel was concerned but didn’t stop her.
I looked at this scene and felt bitter.
Everyone was punishing themselves.
It seemed that I should let it go.
“What are you doing?” I said to Dennis, “You know I love you and I wouldn’t you to get hurt most slightly. Why are you doing this? The pain I buried in my heart, you just let it stay there. Why must you pull it out?”
“You are punishing yourself and what do you want me to do? You wish me to cry for what you are doing and forgive you for what you did to me? You killed our child and changed my life and I have forgiven you. But now you expect that I should forgive you for all you did?”
These would have been buried safely. And I could have pretended that I had forgotten all.
“Dennis, why are you forcing me to recall the miserable past? ”
He was surprised at my words and replied nothing.
He lowered his head and said, “It was my fault.”
I repressed my anger and said, “Dennis, what do you want from me now? What do you want from the Lewis family? You want us to forgive you and pretend nothing had happened, right?”
Yes, I could forget the past. But I needn’t torment myself with it.
Expiation should not be like this.
Looking at Luna in the snow, I said, “You know what you are doing? You are forcing me to tell you that I don’t hate you anymore and that please don’t hurt yourself, right? But wrong is wrong, and doing wrong should be punished. But not in this way!”