“How to save your heart?”
I rush in keeping my phone from Alex.
“Why are you peeping in my phone?” I hissed.
He just chuckled. “Come on Mara! I often do that but you never reacted like that.”
His brow creased. “Wait Mara, why are you reading that?”
“I just saw it on my newsfeed.” I the look away from his stare.
“I know you Mara. Spill it out!”
I heave a heavy sighed. I guess I can’t keep it from him. “I just think I need some saving. My heart I mean.”
“I though he already told you that he love you?”
“Yes. But I just don’t want to hope for too much.”
I got shock when Alex suddenly face me. I felt a bit shy when his face is too close to mine.
“If you need to save your heart, you know I’m just here willing to do the saving.” He said in a serious tone.
My tears started to form in my eyes. I wasn’t able to control myself anymore. I hug him and started to cry.
I felt him hugging me back. Its so comforting.
This what I like about Alex. He’s always there when I need him. He’s my only guy best friend. And it hurts me so much because I can’t give back the love that he is giving me.
“He told me he love me. But why am I feeling this way? Why am I feeling like he only love me because he has no choice?” I let myself to cry hard.
“shhhh maybe its all in your mind.” He said trying to comfort me.
I look at him and shake my head. “If you will just see how happy he was when he start to talk about her. You’ll understand why am I feeling this way.”
“Mara…” he hug me so tight.
“I hate feeling this way!” I hissed.
“And I hate seeing you like that! I love you Mara you know that!”
“Why can’t it be you? How I wish it was you.”
He gave me a force smile. “If I were to decide your fate, I will really want it to be me.”
***
Time flies so fast. Three more months and I will be able to see and hold my baby.
As per our ultrasound, our child’s gender is a girl. I started to buy dolls and girly toys for her.
We will name her Tanya Sophia Ottave. I want to name her Alexandria but Maru refuse because he felt like its close to Alex’s name.
Months had passed but Maru is still not accepting Alex. He’s just being a good friend to me. That’s why I can’t understand why Maru is still pissed with him.
While I am getting along well with Jana.
Maru wants us to be friends. Even if I don’t like it, I chose to follow him.
I just follow what I read in my newsfeed in the past month. It says there:
How to save your heart?
Should:
never expect
never demand
never assume
Know:
your limits
where to stand
your role
Don’t:
get affected
get jealous
get paranoid
Just:
go with the flow and be happy.
Its hard to follow but when you do, you’ll see that its effective. My heart got used to it. Especially when we’re having lunch or dinner with Jana.
“Wife are you ready?”
I gave him a forced smile and nodded.
Today is Jana’s birthday and they will have a family dinner. Since Maru is close with her family, they also invited us in the said dinner.
“Does my dress look okay?” I ask him.
My belly is already big that’s why I kind of feel down. I feel like I got so fat and I look ugly.
“You look so hot wife!” He said the he kiss me in my forehead and lips.
I feel my face reddened.
“You look cute and hot at the same time wife! I love you!”
I just smile and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. The last time I said I love you too to him was the time that we confess our love for each other.
I also don’t know why I can’t answer him back. Maybe because I’m having doubts, not the love I have for him but his love for me.
I just smile and kiss him so that he won’t ask me why I can’t answer him back.
***
The moment we arrived at Jana’s place, her family went to us.
“Maru I’m glad you came!” Jana’s mom said.
“Me too auntie! By the way, here’s my lovely wife Mara.” He introduce me to her.
The lady gave me a sweet smile.
I smiled back.
They treat me just fine, in a while I feel a little comfortable.
I must admit that I was feeling nervous a whole ago. Because I don’t know the reaction of Jana’s parents once they meet me. Are they angry at me because I steal their daughter’s boyfriend?
The dinner went well. I’m with Jana and her mom having tea in their garden.
While Maru is with Jana’s dad talking seriously.
“Don’t mind them Mara. They are really like that when Maru is here. I’m sure that they are talking about business.”
I just smile and chose to stop looking at them.
“It really sadden me that Jana and Maru did not end up together.” The lady added.
“Mom…” Jana’s trying to stop her mom.
“Yes. I agree.” I answered her.
“Mara don’t say that!” Jana hissed.
I shake my head. “Its okay. That’s also what I am thinking.” I honestly told her.
“You know what? I really pity you and Maru. I heard that the only time you two had a formal date is when you guys already announce your wedding. I’m sure that you have also someone you like but because of that arrange marriage, it hinder you from pursuing it” She said sincerely.
I just smile at her.
It only came to me that maybe I also followed what Maru did. I just wish that I also let myself to fall for someone. In that way I will not have this kind of self-pity.
It funny to think that my plan became kore complicated that I thought. Maybe if I also has someone I love, maybe Maru and I fight for that love and win it. Maru will end up with Jana while I will end up with someone who really chose to love me.
Maybe we will be more happy.
The sight of Maru with Jana’s dad makes me want to believe more that Jana is more worthy to be in my place. Again a familiar pain hits me again.