PHOENIX
It’s been two days since the last time I saw Samantha again. I saw the pain in her eyes when our eyes met, then she ran away before I could even take a closer look at her. She hated me-that confirmed my suspicion.
When Abby begged me to stay with Mom in the mansion, I had to agree. Mom was worried hell, and I was such a selfish ass. I even forgot that Mom was sick months ago, and I felt so ashamed of what I’ve done.
I missed Samantha so much, and I fucking want to see her again. She looks beautiful than ever and has lost some weight, but she still looks hot, and the only woman who can make my dying heartbeat again. Those tits that I adore so badly, and now I have no fucking chance to have those again. I am such a sick useless fuck. I chuckle bitterly.
I listen constantly to our recorded conversations, and thanks to my big brother who introduces this app to me. He called me that time that we had an urgent meeting, and I denied it because I was drunk, barking like a rabid dog.
“Good morning, handsome! How did you know my schedule? I can’t say no, can I?”
“‘ Evening, handsome! I’m still waiting for your call. Um, I missed you already. I wish I just stay there with you. Call me, okay? Bye, hot tease!”
“Phoenix? You’re making me worried. Please, let me know if your mom is okay. I missed you.”
“Hey, it’s me again. Don’t tell me you forgot your princess because I will put your dumbass on fire!”
“Seriously, Phoenix. What the hell is going on? You’ve been ignoring me. And I don’t like it even a bit. You scare the hell out of me. Are you okay? Please, just send me at least a single text.”
“Phoenix? It’s been twenty-four hours, and I still haven’t heard anything from you. Not even a single text. Fine, keep it that way. Anyway, I was thinking of moving in with you. I know it doesn’t sound right to tell you over the phone, but I made up my mind. Why not, right?”
“Alexander Phoenix Archibald Henry Williams! I hate you. I freaking hate you! I already told you that I’m moving in with you, but you’re not happy to know it. I know you check my voicemails. And I take my words back, I’m not moving in with you. I changed my mind! You. Are. Not. Hot. Tease!”
“Are these things between us over? Are you breaking up with me? God,” she sighs. “I’m such an idiot! You.” She pauses, sniffs, and sighs again. “You lied to me that you.” She sniffs. “That you actually care for me.” She takes a deep breath, then sniffs. “I care a lot about you, and I thought there’s something real between us.” She sniffs again. “So, are we done? Great!” pause “Great. Have a great life ahead of you. Bye!”
“I can’t be freaking believe you! You cheated on me! You are back together! Is that why aren’t you answering my calls? You couldn’t reply to my messages because you took her back? I saw you on the internet with her. I thought she’s a bitch! I hate you.” She sobs, sniffs, then sobs again. “I hate you so so much. You lied to me. You could’ve just talked to me, you know. I will truly understand.” She sniffs, then sobs. “Well,” She hiccups. “I guess that’s all. Goodbye, Phoenix!”
I’ve been replaying her voice messages that I edited in one file and transferred to my music file. I did it to let the guilt eat me whole, and it’s fucking working, but her voice, either she’s angry or not it makes me calm and reminds me that I’m still alive.
I’ve been sitting in this greenhouse for hours for two days now. I love flowers, they remind me of her. I remember how she appreciated the flowers in that house where we made love over and over again.
Mom reminded me this morning about the family lunch It happens every Sunday, and this is my first time attending since Mom married Mike. Abby is the best stepsister in the entire world. It’s like a dream come true to have a sister like her. She took care of Mom while I was sulking at my hell hole so-called apartment.
I replay her voice again, close my eyes, and think that she’s talking to me, instead of her worried voice, shouts, and cry. I’m about to replay when I hear the door slam, then follows by hurried footsteps-someone enters the greenhouse.
My eyes widen to see Samantha is rushing toward me. I think my heart just breaks out of my ribcage from beating so fast and wild that it’s out of my control. I hurriedly stand up and pull off the headset from my ears. My mouth literally drops that my eyes are not playing tricks with me. And if it’s a trick, I hope it’s not going to end.
Before I can call her name, she launches herself to me, her soft and luscious lips that I long to kiss crashes into mine.
Good lord in heaven, thank you so much for this wonderful day! I am not dreaming, am I? I am definitely not! Because I can feel in every damn cell in my body that she’s with me, and she’s kissing me. And everything ignites, electrifying all my senses. And I am alive.
She grabs my hair into fists, kissing me with pure hunger, fierceness, and longingness.
Jesus! I missed her so fucking much. Her body presses against mine, her smell, taste, and warmth instantly make my body burn into a wildfire.
I wrap my arms around her body, and she presses herself into me. I put all my frustrations, anger, loss, and longing into one kiss. Our lips move in sync. My tongue seeks entrance, instead, she shoves hers into my mouth.
I groan, and she tastes so fucking amazing, and I let her dominate my mouth. I can’t help but moan so helplessly as she explores my mouth.
Before I can devour her more, she pulls away and the last thing I know, my cheek stings because my princess slaps me so hard that my face snaps to its side. I find a hand that touches my cheek that stings and feels hot.
The sweet Samantha I taste seconds ago is now glaring at me, pressing her swollen lips into a thin line. We are still both catching our breath, and I can still taste her in my tongue. I definitely kissed her a while ago because my heart is still racing in my chest.
“How. Could. You?” she asks with each poke of her finger against my chest.
Her face is red with anger. Her eyes are blotchy with a smudge of makeup all over her face. She shakes to cry, and I move closer to her, but she holds her hand up to stop me.
“Princess…” I can hear the pain in my voice, and I think I am going to break down in front of her because God knows how hard to see her crying, and I feel helpless.
“Don’t you dare call me that name again, Phoenix! I hate that name! I hate you!” she yells.
I see my brother on the door, nodding before he leaves. So, she knows now. Everything.
I sigh exasperatingly. “I’m so sorry, Samantha, I… I-I don’t-”
“Sorry for what, Phoenix? For freaking what?” Her tears are falling like a stream. It’s killing me not to come to her, hug her, and tell her that everything is going to be okay because I know that everything is never going to be okay.
“For what happened to your father. That I am the reason-”
“The reason he was dead? Her voice is like lightning into my heart, and it’s fucking excruciating. I deserve it.
“The… Yeah-” Before I can finish, she pushes me stronger so fast that makes me slump back down to the bench.
“You broke up with me because you think you killed my dad?” she asks, yelling at me. “You broke up with me because you thought you were using me in forgiving you!”
I nod.
“Were you planning on telling me that you were the reason Dad died that night, huh?” She breaks in the end.
I look down at my feet and cover my face with my hands as I lean my elbows on my knees.
“You broke our relationship! You broke my heart! You broke my trust! You broke me, you, asshole!” She yells at the top of her lungs.
I flinch. My body shakes, and I am also crying with her. Jesus, it fucking hurts. I don’t think it hurts this way, but I know she was hurt when she lost her dad, and for breaking her heart twice. I deserve all of these.
“I know, Samantha. I know.” My voice cracks.
“No! You don’t! You don’t know anything!” Jesus! kill me know. It’s killing me to see her like this, and I can’t even get close to her to even hold her hand.
“Samantha, I’m so so sorry. I should have told you when I found out-”
“But you didn’t, and you chose not to!” She’s still yelling. I can’t take this anymore-she is hurting because of me.
“I will not forgive you for this! For what you did to us! I hate you!” That’s it! That’s the end of my fucking terrible and pathetic life. She hates me and she won’t forgive me. Ever!
“And for the record. Dad will die anyway. He was talking to my mom that night because he had good news though that his insurance will cover the house and my college plan. Dad just came from an oncologist at the Cancer Center that night, and it was confirmed that he had stage four colon cancer. I will never blame you if you just told me about it. Dad won’t stay long anyway. Two months top, and that accident just made it quick and less painful compared to seeing him suffer every day. I’m not praying for that to happen, but he accepted his fate, that he’s dying soon anyway.”
I can’t hear this anymore. I shake my head and raise my hand for her to stop, but she keeps talking.
“You ended us, Phoenix. Dad.” She takes a breath. “Dad chose to save you… because you are meant to meet me one day. We will be meeting soon, and here we are.” She shrugs, then walks away.
“Samantha!” I shout but she is gone. And probably forever.
***
“So, Sam, who’s the work in Publishing?” Mike asks. I shove the forkful of the most delicious salmon, but it’s tasteless in my mouth. I chew it lazily just to stay on the table, and I get a chance to listen to her voice again.
“Oh, it’s good. It was intimidating at first considering it’s New York, but then I adjusted a little bit,” she answers with a bit of excitement in her tone because I know how much she loves books.
“You can work with me, Sam. Just say a word. No interview and I’ll offer you a good position,” Seb says.
I look at them through my peripheral visions without a word. My heart is still bleeding from my encounter with her earlier, and I don’t think it will stop so soon.
“No way. She will work with me.” Hawk cuts him off.
What’s with these people fighting to let her work with them. They don’t know anything about her. They don’t know what she likes.
I know she loves her work because she loves to read and loves books like her lifeline. I shake my head.
“No way. She will work in my department,” Patrick butts in.
I roll my eyes.
“Guys, she’s not going to work with any of you. Let her work where she is happy,” Mom cuts them off.
Thanks, Mom!
“Does she even want to work with any of you?” Abby asks.
Thanks, sis!
They slump their back to their chairs. I catch her mounts thank you to Abby. Then our gazes meet, but she breaks it shortly. She really hates me, no doubt. My stomach twists sickly.
“Are you happy there, Sam?” Izzy asks beside her.
“Yes, I made friends already, and I love my job. I got a good paycheck, so I’m not complaining,” she answers Izzy and smiles at her.
God, her smile-it always makes my heart flutter. That smile that I made her more than once, and now it’s the opposite-I make her angry and hate me.
“Good to know. Sorry, guys,” Trixie says, grinning.
“How about your boyfriend, sweetheart. Where does he work?” Hawk asks with a glint of mischief in his eyes.
I know my brother wants to get on my nerves and is testing my temper. I clench my jaw, and I can’t help but fidget in my seat. Sam smiles at him.
Fuck! She’s really happy with that asshole.
“He works at Rexwell.”
Seb groans because I know Rexwell well.
“Rexwell is a rival company of Hughes. Well, one of Hughes,” Mike answers.
“Well, you all own pretty everything,” she says in a soft voice with a sheepish grin.
She’s so fucking adorable.
“Not everything, princess,” Patrick responds. “There is always something that we can’t be bought with money,” he adds while side glancing at me.
What this asshole is up to this time?
Fuck you!
“You’re correct this time, twinzy!” Trixie announces happily and gives him a high-five. A smile spreads across Samantha’s lips.
“I know, ugly twin, right, Sam?”
I roll my eyes, still scowling.
So, this is what’s this lunch all about? Fucking Awkward!
“How about you, son? How’s business?” Mike asks, glancing in my direction.
I clear my throat. Everyone stops and focuses on me.
I furrow my brows and answer quickly. “Good.”
“That’s it?” Hawk asks.
“Yeah,” I reply. They all exchange look then stare at Samantha.
“Honey, we haven’t been heard anything about you for months, and we expect that you can tell us something,” Mom insists.
I look at her in her eyes, and she looks sad.
“Nothing really to tell Mom. Business is doing well,” I tell her as my stomach churns.
“What were you doing lately, Alexander Phoenix? Besides sulking in your apartment,” Mom asks again. This time she sounds annoyed.
Samantha is looking at me and patiently waiting for my answer. I swallow hard, and she doesn’t break her gaze this time. I don’t break it too. The tension suddenly thickens inside the dining room.
I want to see her looking at me. More of it. Her eyes are full of sadness, and I’m the one causing it.
“Nothing really. Just um, working, sleeping, eating, um-“Thinking about Samantha, crying over Samantha, thinking about how we fucked our brains out. I scratch my head and look down at my plate.
“What are you constantly listening to on your phone?” My brother grills me.
I quickly look at his side, and he’s glaring at me.
“It’s none of your fucking business!”
Everyone gasps.
I stand up quickly. The chair screeches, causing them to yelp. I am done. “This interrogation is over!” I throw the throw napkin to the table and walk away from the dining room.
Mom is still calling my name.
I storm to the stairs to the second floor all the way to my room and slam the door shut. Its impact echoes and rattles everywhere.
I sit on the bed while rubbing my face.
A soft knock on my door follows a second later
“Go away!” I yell. I know it was rude, but they made look me stupid in front of everyone, and in front of Samantha. They planned for this to humiliate me.
“Phoenix, it’s me. Can I come in?” My head quickly turns to the door.
The door slowly opens, then Samantha is standing up there and shooting a glare at me.
“What you showed down there was rude, Phoenix.”Great! It’s still my fault. “They’re all excited for you to join the lunch, but look what you’ve done?” She walks out and slams the door behind her.
Perfect!