NOELLE’S POV,
The next morning, I go back to Donna’s cottage. She is already waiting for me in front of her door like she knew I would come. She doesn’t look surprised that I am alone and doesn’t ask questions. “Let’s go the forest so we can train in solitary,” Donna says.
I still feel a bit hesitant, but it doesn’t really feel like I have much of a choice. I follow her into the forest until we come to an open spot. Trees are planted in a circle around the open space and there are pillars of stones in the middle. Donna stands still in the middle of the circle and starts talking, “Unlike any other magic, Fire magic comes from deep within and needs to be mastered with calmness and control. You need to be emotionless to be able to channel fire from within.”
I feel surprised and say, “I would expect the opposite. I thought it would be like channeling lightning or thunder with anger and power. Besides, I would say dark humans and demons only have anger and hate so doesn’t make sense then that they can do fire magic.”
Donna looks at me calmly and plays with a little flame in her hands, “Fire is reckless and needs to be controlled. Without control, it will destroy all in its path, enemies, and friends alike. It is a command misconception to think anger and fire are related. Demons are actually very skilled in working without emotions which makes them masters of fire. They follow their rulers orders without question, they feel no guilt, remorse, panic, or anger. They don’t feel anything really except the need to follow orders. Dark humans are more complex and every dark human is different. Which is why not every dark human has special powers like fire or mind magic.”
What Donna is telling me is intriguing, to say the least. I eagerly watch her play with the flame in her hand and can’t wait to try it out myself. “How do I do it?” I ask.
Donna points at the middle of the stone circle, “Before I can teach you how to control it, we need to find your inner source.”
I sit down and look at her with big eyes, “How do I do that?”
She sits down facing me, “Who are you?”
I lift my eyebrow, “I am Noelle?”
Donna commands, “Close your eyes.”
I sigh and close my eyes.
“Now who are you?” she asks again
“I am Noelle,” I say.
“Who is Noelle, who are you?” she asks.
“I am a woman, I am a wife, I am a witch, I am a friend,”
Donna stays silent and nothing happens, so I continue, “I am feisty, I am loyal, I am an orphan, I am smart,” I say.
I try to think back to the things that happened to me and how to describe my character. But Donna interrupts my thoughts, “You are thinking too much. The question is simple, who are you?”
The rest of the day I keep giving her different answers but none of them seem to be right. When it gets dark, I look at her desperately, “Can’t you just tell me what it is that I need to say?”
Donna stands up and looks down at me, “I can’t tell you, no one can. Only you know what you are deep in your core. We will try again tomorrow.”
I spend the rest of the night wondering who I am, but the possibilities seem endless. The next 4 days go exactly the same way as the one before. I go to the forest with Donna give her all the answers I can think of and at night hardly sleep trying to figure out new answers. By the 5th day, I am so exhausted I can hardly walk, and I follow Donna like I am sleepwalking. I sit down at the stone circle and immediately close my eyes, not even paying attention to Donna anymore.
My mind is empty and all I feel and see is a black void. No memories, no more ideas, just nothing. I am not even sure Donna is talking or I am just imagining her constantly repeating, “Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?”
I drive away deeper and deeper like I am falling asleep and start to mumble, “I am nothing, I am darkness,” But then I see a small light emerging in the back of my mind and I continue, “I am hope, I am light,” The light becomes bigger and starts to take the form of a small flame, “I am power, I am fire,” the flame erupts into an explosion of purple flames and I finally say while opening my eyes who shine with purple light, “I am everything.”
I stand up with purple flames erupting around me in a small circle. Donna looks at me with joy and wickedness, “That is more like it.”
Donna holds up her hands and suddenly all the trees around us are on fire. She gives me an intense look and says calmly, “Now that we found your fire, we need to make sure you control it. Look what happens if I allow emotions to take over.”
I let my flames disappear to see what Donna is about to show me.
Her eyes go empty for a second and then fill with sadness followed by anger. The fire around the trees multiplies in seconds and the whole forest seems to be on fire. Whatever Donna does with her hands nothing happens. Then she looks back at me and I can see her eyes go empty again, at the same time the flames go down until there are none left.
“You must stay in the state of nothing to control the fire. No thoughts, no memories, no emotions, nothing. Only you and the flames exist. When you are one the flames will automatically do whatever, it is you want them to do.”
I take a deep breath and go back to the black void in my mind. I push away thoughts about Gabriel, the baby, or my friends. In this void, only the flames exist. My eyes start to shine again, and purple fire emerges from my hand. I imagine the flames devouring the whole forest around and one second later it happens. Just as quickly I imagine all the flames to disappear, and they do like they were never there at all. I must look like some crazy dark sorceress because Donna is looking at me with fear in her eyes. But maybe I imagined it because when I look again the expression of fear is gone and she nods at me approvingly.
“That was an excellent example of control. Good job. You deserve to take a rest because tomorrow we will make a beginning with mind magic. And trust me that is going to be even more mentally exhausting.”
I feel relieved to get some rest and quickly return to the Inn. I take a warm bath and immediately dive into my bed. Exhaustion falls over me and for the first time in days I allow myself to think about Gabriel. When I think about his dark hair, beautiful face, and his blue piercing eyes looking at me with adoration and love, a tear immediately rolls down my cheek. I never knew you could miss someone so much that it hurts. I feel like someone put a knife in my heart and tear after tear comes out. I clench onto my pillow and fall asleep holding onto the thought that with every day that passes I am closer to being back in Gabriel’s arms again.