The bag is ready to go on the trip I’ve been planning for a few weeks. I take what I need: a couple of shirts, dress pants, matching shoes and belts. Donatella took care of getting everything ready. She knows I hate this kind of dressing up. It’s not for me. I see people wasting money, bragging about having all the possibilities to buy cars of the year, brand-name clothes, and expensive cell phones. Vanity fills the heart and mind. For me, those material things are totally fleeting. The fondness I feel for those details is a foam that, little by little, dissolves with time.
I hand the suitcase to the driver, and he nods as he closes the trunk door.
I don’t want to think about Tatiana. Thinking about her makes my soul ache. The confusion day after day has begun to overtake me, and it is more than I can handle. To admit to myself that the situation is beyond me is catastrophic, even absurd. I have always been known for being a strong and determined man, for being the thinking head of the Magghio family, but since Arianna died, my mind has not been the same. My brain doesn’t work as it used to, not even in the right way. My business has declined. Also, I have ceded much of my investments and clients to Dawson, hoping that at least one of us can keep the company going. More than anything, that’s why I decided to bond with Tatiana. With her taking care of Dante, I can have the opportunity to focus on my deteriorating health and the family business that my mother and father worked so hard to preserve.
The situation is getting worse, hard and fast. For a few months now, almost a year, my memory has been failing more than I would have liked. But, of course, suffering from progressive short-term memory failure is not something any human being would want, let alone think of developing.
“Ready, Mr. Darío?” Raymond has many years working at my beck and call. I consider him part of my family, as he has supported and advised me more than any other person.
“Yes. First, wait, I’ll go kiss Dante,” I inform him.
I never go away for long, but I don’t know how the tests and studies will turn out this time.
I had to lie to Tatiana, tell her the trip was for business. My pride does not allow me to say that I am flawed and that I am damaged. Since Arianna left, my life and my heart have not been the same.
I’m not sure she can understand.
I pass through the living room and hurry up the stairs, not because I’m running late, I pay the neurologist enough to wait as long as I need to, but because I can’t waste time here and let her see me. I can’t see her again and not want to kiss her. I had to use all my willpower not to tear her dress and possess her in the garden under the Flamboyán tree, with the sun and the twittering birds as witnesses.
I was a coward after adulthood.
Afraid of Tatiana?
No, it’s not fear. It’s dread—dread of what she can produce in me.
I have been cooped up for too many months, during which I watch the leaves fall from the trees, see the neurologist who consults me here, and visit the pediatrician for Dante’s monthly check-ups.
My life after Arianna has been about survival.
Surviving after loving her so much.
“You’re just going to leave like that?” Tatiana’s voice makes me straighten up, my back stiffens, and another part of my anatomy jumps full of joy.
How is it that in two days, she can cause me to get an erection? Is it true? Is it the lack of sex that has me in this altered state?
I turn around after giving Dante one last look. I have never been separated from him, but I can’t put off the study and the CT scan this week.
She is beautiful, simple, and without the excessive use of makeup. Her eyes are brown but with such an exquisite shine that they look like two rings of light, captivating and carrying energy. She has the power to recharge me with just a slight glance. Her breasts are not small or exaggerated. They are the perfect size for my hands. I dreamt about them the night before I got married. I also dreamt that I touched her and loved her like no one ever had. A dream so vivid I almost came to believe it was real. Her hair is a shade between golden and wheat-colored, shiny and silky. I had a chance to touch it, and I swear I never felt a sensation like that before.
“I told you I have a commitment I can’t escape.”
Scoundrel, my conscience screams at me.
At some point, I’ll have to tell her what’s wrong with me and more if I have to have surgery to reconstruct the atrophied nerve.
“But you still kissed me five minutes ago and then took off.” She approaches, leaves the door ajar, and strolls as if unsure of what she is doing.
That’s one of the details that captivate me about her: her innocence in her actions. I have come to believe that she is really just an innocent soul tied to a forced marriage. Her father was the one who came to me begging for financial help. I did not know this gentleman, not well enough to lend him the sum he was asking for. I know that in Canale di Tenno the rumors and whispers about the Magghio fortune are so loud that they almost knock down the castle walls.
“I don’t have time for this,” I spit out. A taste of rust and self-loathing rises in me.
I don’t have time?
In a way, it’s true, but not because of what she thinks, but because I have to get my medical tests done before it’s too late. That’s why I accepted Tatiana’s father’s proposal: marrying a good woman could be a solution for the future in case of… of a loss.
“I understand.”
“No, you don’t understand, but I’m not going to explain anything either.”
“Wow, how gentlemanly of you. Please, don’t be so eager to please me.” The sarcasm soaks into my bones, and I feel the urge to shake her to get her to react.
Then I remember that she must not react, she shouldn’t because she doesn’t know anything about me and what happened in my family, my marriage. There is so much to tell, things that have not left these four walls; secrets and lies that only Donatella, Dawson, and I know, that it is simply better to wait. Maybe at some point, I will feel the confidence to tell her what happened with Arianna… what happened with Dante.
“I really must go, Tatiana.”
She steps aside and points down the hallway.
“The door’s open.”
I’ve fucked up big time. I can see it in her eyes. She has feelings for me. I know it. However, I can’t allow myself to give in to the temptation of her lips and her hands. In the perennial temptation that is Tatiana… Magghio.
I walk straight to the exit. There is no reason to keep me here any longer. I inhale her scent one last time; her freshness and sweetness invade my senses. That memory will keep me sane this week, at least I hope so.
“Enjoy your journey… husband.” Her melodious voice has become hot steel, that one that burns and leaves marks for a lifetime. “Your bought wife will be waiting here.”
“Don’t denigrate yourself like that. There’s no need for it.” I stop in front of her.
I put my hands in my pants pockets to avoid hugging and kissing her.
“There’s no need to want this to work. So go quietly. I don’t plan to abandon you. I’m yours.”
“You’re my partner.”
“No, Darío, I’m not your partner. I’m a trophy. So don’t worry about making me feel bad. It doesn’t affect me.”
I know what she claims to me is a lie. Her gaze goes a few seconds to the right, then slides to the left. Her eyes don’t stay fixed on me. That tells me she’s either nervous or lying to me. Maybe both. I reach up to kiss her goodbye but fail, as Tatiana turns her face away, and I end up pressing my lips to her flushed cheek.
“Have a good trip,” she whispers before walking towards Dante and leaving me alone at the door.
I watch her for a few more seconds, waiting. I don’t know what I’m waiting for.
There’s nothing I can do for now.
My popular name precedes me: the Shady One.
If that’s the way you wish things between us to be, that’s the way they will be.