I awake to horrible pain and the singing of an early morning mockingbird.
Slowly my consciousness falls to account for my previous night.
“Oh, God!” I mutter as I rise from the green grass, which is damp with the dawn. It watches me, gossiping.
I look everywhere. The coast is clear.
I adjust my dress, which almost revealed a nipple.
What the hell did I do?
My sandals are on the side, delicately placed. I slip them on without blinking.
Was it a dream? A beautiful dream, but no more than that? A dream of fantasies and wishes fulfilled!
My curiosity is stronger than my modesty, so, without thinking, I spread my legs a little and run my fingers over my pussy.
Wet!
Shit, shit, shit!
I slept with a stranger in the lake!
What was I thinking about?
In his seductive voice and the accelerated beating of my heart. My conscience always comes when it’s already late.
“Where were you last night when I gave my virginity to a stranger?” I claim out loud.
I sound insane, but I feel like one!
The sun is barely rising. It must be no later than seven in the morning; my mother must be serving coffee and freshly baked bread.
She’s going to kill me.
I run my hands through my hair, which is messy and full of grass. I hastily take it off as I start walking home. As if by magic, my future husband comes to mind: his cold, steely gaze.
Today is my wedding!
I drop the delicacy and make my escape, desperate, running to my home to shower and try to go unnoticed. I run through the trees, who seem to judge me. The squirrels see me, furious. The birds sing a melody of prejudice and infidelity.
I must be going crazy!
I am no longer a virgin.
I remember his hands on my skin, on my sex, inside me. I can’t help but close my eyes nervously as I remember how that unknown man loved me like no one else ever had. Given my circumstances, like no one else ever will.
He loved me with his heart and soul.
I gave myself…
Oh no! How is it possible to give my heart to a man I didn’t even fully see?
“Look at the stars, dragonfly. Look at them and admire them,” he whispered to me after we made love. He held me close, and I kept my head on his chest. “If I could reach at least one, it would be yours.”
“I can’t believe I made love to you,” I had told him. I was torn between joy and fear, “And unprotected! I must be losing my mind.”
“No,” he restrained me, “don’t ever say that. You haven’t lost your mind.” Instead, he kissed the crown of my head, left his lips for a few seconds, and breathed in my scent. “When two souls belong together, they are immediately recognizable. Even if the mind resists, the heart knows everything.”
And so, I calmed down until I fell asleep in his arms.
“For God’s sake, woman!” someone growls.
I am surprised to hear that voice.
It is the same one that murmured tender words and promises in my ear, which he will not be allowed to keep.
I stop dead in my tracks and raise my head to finally see the man of my dreams, who made my sex throb and almost cry with pleasure. My soul leaves my body for a few seconds, and I feel as if my knees can no longer support my weight.
“Watch where you’re going. You almost knocked me over with your desperate walk,” he releases me in something similar to a hiss.
I blink, confused.
This can’t be it.
It’s him… but it can’t be.
“You don’t speak? Fine.” He grabs my elbow and forces me to walk beside him. He looks for the distance of people who were beginning to direct curious glances at us.
In this town, everything is known.
This must be news by now.
Today is my wedding with this man, but it can’t be! It can’t be true.
Dario scrutinizes me, confused and irritated at the same time. I annoy him, and I still haven’t opened my mouth, except that I did open it last night. I tasted him with it. I tasted his lips, tasted his virile member, and made him climax. I used my lips to provoke his pleasure!
Why is he looking at me now as if I were a nuisance?
“What…?” My lips go dry.
He is dressed in a trench coat and white shirt. My arms are bristling, and I don’t know how the hell I didn’t end up freezing on the shore of the lake. Maybe because he kept me warm until recently, and now he’s here.
That voice is unmistakable to me. It’s simply him.
“Here, put this on. You’re going to freeze.” He places his trench coat over me, and I snuggle into it.
I didn’t know I needed the warmth so badly until now.
“Can you tell what you’re running at?” Again, that deep voice, that dark tone, like he’s annoyed or trying to seduce the world.
“I don’t understand.” I must be dreaming. I must still be asleep. “This is not possible. No… You don’t remember me?” I force my brain to work.
“What a thing to say, woman! Of course, I know who you are!”
I let out a resounding sigh.
Maybe it’s just keeping up appearances.
He took my virginity before the marriage. Although our wedding is today, I can’t believe I succumbed to having sex before marriage and with my future husband!
“You’re just so distant. I thought I dreamed it… About us…” I feel my cheeks fill with heat.
“What are you talking about, woman? Of course, you didn’t dream it! Our wedding is today. Now let’s get you to your parents’ house. I’m beginning to think you got hit in the head badly.”
He starts walking. I stand, watching him.
His hair is dark, not so much for black, but a dark shade of brown. His eyebrows are slightly thinner than I remembered. His upper lip is thinner than his lower lip. His eyes are a light grayish-greenish color. He is perfect.
However, something about all this doesn’t add up.
He gazes at me, quizzical. He looks at me, lacking the fire I felt last night in his arms.
Even without being able to see his face, I knew his burning could almost pierce my skin. Now only a blast of cold comes out of his headlights. I gather my courage and approach him. With three strides, I reach him, position myself in front of him and fold my arms.
“What’s wrong? Why are you acting like we’re two strangers? It’s great to marry the man I love! I can’t believe it’s you. This is amazing. I’m starting to believe in miracles!” I almost jumped up and down with excitement. Discovering that he is my mysterious beloved, it is fate doing, just as he had told me himself last night.
I love him without a minute’s hesitation because he treated me like I was the best and most special thing in his world, not just another one of the bunch.
Even though it’s too quick to say it, I feel it’s the right thing to say, the real thing. That’s what he made me believe last night as he penetrated me and made my sex and breasts burn with his caresses.
Love is relative. It doesn’t always come in conventional ways. It doesn’t always happen in the following sequence: see each other, meet, date, fall in love, give yourself body and soul, have ten children, and a happy family.
I’m beginning to think, after last night, that loving is more than a traditional sequence. Loving is different for each person, for each couple. Not everyone has to go through the same circle and fill in the same boxes. To love is to surrender, to know that the other is part of you. That one’s decisions affect the other. To love is not to be alone in prosperity. When times of pain and anguish approach, there you will know who really loves you. That’s what my mother once told me when I asked her if she loved my father from the day she met him. Now I see love differently. How is it that less than twenty-four hours ago, I thought I was in love with Lucian, and now I feel this by spending a few hours with Dario? This bewildering thing, this thing that makes my heartbeat so fast.
He scrutinizes me, transfixed. I would even venture to believe that he is uncomfortable with my words.
“I think it’s a little early to say you love me. You don’t have to lie to me so blatantly to please me. Our relationship will be on paper only, so don’t expect more than that. I already loved it once, and it didn’t work out. I just want a mother for my son, nothing more.” He turns to leave, ready to leave me dumbfounded by his very hurtful words.
What happened to that sweet man last night?
“Dario…” I guess I’m going to burst into tears.
“Walk.” He searches my eyes. I feel my cheek moistened by a silent drop that escaped from its shelter. “I think it’s best if you get home and drop some water on that tangled, grassy hair of yours. As of today, your nights out are over.” His gaze provokes nothing but pain in me… and betrayal.
That heart is cold, empty. The eyes are the door to the soul, and Dario’s, my future husband’s, the man who a few hours ago adored my body and promised the stars, only lets me see pain and loneliness.
There is no love there, not for me, not for anyone.